I miss you Alex

I think you might have actually believed you loved me.

I still love you, but I won't take you back.

You may still be alive,
But you're dead to me.

Why do I still care about you so so much?

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 **That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Addiction is defined as the state of being enslaved to something that's habit forming and causes severe trauma.

Withdrawal from that something can cause: Low energy, anxiety, insomnia, agitation, vomiting, nausea, pain, among others.

You were my drug.
I was addicted to you.
And now I'm paying the price

You were my marijuana,
You made me high.

You were my alcohol,
Making me forget the pain.

You were my daily cup of coffee,
The only thing keeping me going throughout the day.

You were heaven on Earth,
Perfect for me.

You were the peanut to my butter
And the honey to my bee.

I didn't need an intervention,
So why make me go through this?
Why make me quit cold turkey?
Have you ever experienced withdrawal?
Apparently not.

All day, every day
Living like I'm free.
Everybody's wondering who I be. Cause
X** marks the spot where my heart belongs
And that's the reason why I write my stupid poems.
Now don't get me wrong, some
Days are easy, but some days are hard;
Returning to the thoughts of us
And when my heart was shattered into shards.

Feeling down, I wonder,
And then I fiure out,
I'm better off without you, cause our
Time was running out. So
Here I lay un my bed, satisfied with life.

Claiming that I've moved on,
Understanding that's what's best, but
Nobody can ever fill your place,
Nobody could make such a mess.
I trusted you, I needed you, but
No longer were you mine. Other
Guys had caught your eye and
Have them you must.
And I'll tell you your biggest
Mistake, trading my love for their lust.

What was it about these past couple days?
All I could do was think about you.
No matter what I was doing,
You were right there in my mind.
Can't you see I'm tired of this?
Don't you realize what this does to me?
Maybe you do realize,
And that's why you never leave my mind alone...

I should be happy for today.
I mean its Christmas Eve.
But how can I be happy?
Its been a month today,
And its been the worst month of my life.
Not only that, but you'll be spending "the most wonderful time of the year" with him instead of me.
I'm dying inside, but nobody will ever know.
All they will ever see is the face I've painted on the outside of my shell.

You go months without talking to me,
Months that feel like years.
I long to hear your voice.
Then out of the blue,
I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing your name,
Could this really be true?
I thought I was dreaming,
I had to be.
You wouldn't really be talking to me.

You tell me you're depressed,
But no one else knows.
You don't talk about that stuff with him.
But why don't you?
You expect me to still be your emotional support?
You're the one who left me. Remember?

So you can't talk to him about how you feel.
What else do you keep from him?
Does he know your history?
Does he know your little secrets?
Does he know your fears,
Your unwillingness to forgive yourself,
Your perfect imperfections?

How could you be in love with someone
When you can't even tell them how you feel?
I'm not quite sure.
Maybe I really don't know what love is all about.

Do I love you?

Some say that love is when you give someone the power to destroy you and trust they won't use it. You could destroy me ten times over if you wanted to.

Do I love you?

"No one has greater love than this, to lay down his life for his friends." I would die for you.

Do I love you?

Love is caring more for the well being of another more than yourself. I would do anything for you.

So yes, I think I love you.

"Don't bottle up your emotions or one day you'll snap"
That's what I was told all my life.
I always told them I'd be fine.
It won't happen to me.
But I've finally hit my breaking point.
And now, every time I snap,
Its on the only person I love.
And with each snap, I drive her farther and farther away.

I'm sorry.
I say it so often that I think you stopped hearing it.
But that's all I can say.
I can't fix what I've done.
I've hurt you and I feel horrible for it.
All I can do is say sorry and ask for another chance to get it right.
But I know I will run out of chances soon.
I just hope I can get it right before then.

I'm sorry.
I truly love you and care.
When I snap on you, it hurts me more than it hurts you.
Please forgive me and give me another chance.

I wish I could, but I can't.
It would only make things worse.
So I just have to wait,
Hoping you do it instead.

You seem to have stopped writing your poems.
Why is that?
You used to write all the time.

As far as I know people write out of emotions, mainly painful ones.
So I guess its good that you don't write?

But you liked to write when you were happy too.
Are you no longer happy?

I wish you wouldn't have stopped writing my dear.
That't the only connection I have to you.
And I need to hear from you,
Even if you aren't even talking to me.
I just need to hear your voice.
Even just seeing something you wrote is enough to make my day.

Do you hate me as much as I hate myself?

Everybody says they'll listen. They say they care.
But do they really? Or do they just think that they do?
Do they like the idea of being someone that people can go to?

Can they actually handle people coming to them?
Would they know what to do?

If I came to you with my problems, how long before it would become to much for you? How long before you don't want to be that person?

They all think I'm calm, stable, happy, content.
I have years of practice at hiding what's really going on.
Would they like who I really am? Could they handle me?

I am weak.
I am sad.
I am lonely.

Why am I even here?

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.
Take away this pain. Bring me comfort. Ease my suffering.

They all say they care, but I can't risk finding out if they do.
It would distort who I am to them.
They would see behind my mask.

How long must I suffer in silence?
Is there no one I can talk to?
How long can I bottle this up before I explode?

When you hear our song,
Do you think of me?
Do you think of us?
Do you think about all of our memories?

When you see the stars,
Do they remind you of all of those nights?
Do you remember the way I would hold you as we laid there?
Do you miss that old field?

When you hear my name,
Does it make you cringe?
Does it make you want to run?
Or do you not even remember me anymore?

When you are lying in his arms,
Do you ever think of the arms that used to hold you?
Do you ever think of all the things I risked just to be with you?
Do you ever think of how much I went out of my way for you?

Babe, since you left, do you ever think of me?
Because I am always thinking of you.

You are embarrassed every time you see me.
I can tell by the way you close your eyes , like you're trying to un-see me.
You turn your face away as if I'm a disease.

Why are you embarrassed?
Are you embarrassed of me?
Do you wish you had never met me?
Wish that I was never a part of your life?

Or are you embarrassed for how you treated me?
Leaving me the way you did.
Taking away my only source of happiness
And being blamed by everyone for it.

Are you embarrassed by the way I acted when you left me?
How pitiful I was,
Broken, emotional, a wreck.

Or are you embarrassed by the way you acted?
Pretending you still cared,
Saying you still loved me but you loved him too.

I know you are embarrassed,
But what for?

I tried reaching out to you.
Don't you remember when you said you still wanted to "be friends"?
I was trying to put aside our differences, forget what you did to me.
I tried being your friend again,
But you rejected me.

It was your idea, don't you know.
I still wish I never met you.
But now that I have,
I can't live without you.

I tried to be "just friends",
But you no longer even want that...

I'm starting to think that I'm scared of my heart healing.
I'm scared because what if I move on?
You know I hate change.
That I'm scared of the unknown.
So if I move on, what will happen?
Would I get hurt again?
Would I be happy?
I don't know.
But I know that I will never be hurt again,
If I never let anybody else in.
And I think it's better to have no chance at getting hurt,
Than have a slim chance of being happy.
I don't really know.
I'm just as confused now as I was the day you left.

What are feelings?
What are emotions?
I never used to know.
I couldn't cry, I tried to care, I didn't know what love was.
But you taught me what emotions are.
You taught me how to have feelings and how to express them.
Was it worth it? I don't know.
I learned to love, to have fun, to trust, and to hope.
You taught me what its like to be cared for, to be loved and much more
But on the other hand, now I feel pain and sorrow and anger.
I cry, I care, I love.
Was it worth it?
I guess I'll find out.

First World Problems:
My coffee is too hot.
He/she made fun of me.
My Iphone is too old.
I'm too fat.
I'm too skinny.
I'm too ugly.
Nobody likes me.
I need more followers.
Need I go on?


There are more important problems in this world:
Starvation,
War,
Droughts,
*** trafficing,
Slaves in general,
Crime,
And so much more.

So why are we all so self centered?
And I know I'm a hypocrite for writing this,  
Because I do the same things.
But just stop and think how lucky you are to not have to fight every day just to get something to eat.
Think how lucky you are to have a place to live.
Be grateful for what you have and live every day to the fullest.

Can you just give me a sign?
Just a little one,
Just so I know you're still out there somewhere.
And that maybe you still care.

I can't do this anymore

Good.
I have finally pushed you away.
I have finally made you hate me.
Now I can leave without you regretting it.
I can leave without you caring.
And now that you hate me,
Maybe you can finally forgive yourself for leaving me?
I hope so.
Good bye My Love :* <3
Loomple
And good bye to everyone else.

You've been out of my mind for months,
And out of my life for longer,
But you still felt the need to be in my dreams
The first night of the new year...

I hate life.
I hate music.
I hate movies and flowers and fun.
I hate sleeping.
I hate being awake.
I hate everything, except the one who caused me to feel this way.
How can you hate the one you love?
Even when they are the one who broke you.
You want me to hate you but instead I just hate everything else,
Because everything reminds me of you

Head
I can't believe you actually want to go back to her. Don't you remember what she did to us, how she left us the way she did?

Heart
Of course I remember, but she wouldn't do that to us again.

Head
Why not? She just up and left the first time. She just left us and moved right on to the next guy.

Heart
But now she wants us back. She even apologized and asked for a second chance.

Head
She didn't mean it. She probably already changed her mind again and moved on to another guy.

Heart
How do you know she didn't mean it? She still loves us and I still love her.

Head
You can't take another beating like she dealt out last time.

Heart
It won't happen again. And besides, you can't break something that's already been destroyed so how much worse could she do?

Head
There's plenty of other beautiful ladies out there that we could be with.

Heart
Yeah, but none of them are the love of our life.

Head
I don't love her anymore.

Heart
I do.

Head
I can't take her back.

Heart
I will.

Head
Don't the other girls deserve a chance? Shouldn't we see if maybe someone else out there fits us better?

Heart
No. She's the only one for me.

Head
She dumped us over a txt and blamed the whole thing on us.

Heart
Maybe it was our fault and we didn't deserve anything better than the way we were treated.

Head
We do deserve to be treated better than that.

Heart
We were never happier than when we were with her. She was the only true joy in our life.

Head
But we were never hurt by anyone more than by her. She's the only one who ever made us cry.

Heart
I don't care. I still love her.

Head**
I don't think I do.

It's taking a lot for me not to give up

I ain't a poet,
But I wrote poems for you.

I ain't an artist,
But I drew a picture of you.

I ain't a writer,
But I write to you everyday.

I ain't a singer,
But I sing my heart out for you.

I ain't got feelings,
But I love you with all my heart.

I ain't anything,
But I try.
For you.

I ain't a poet,
So why am I here?
My poems **** and aren't really poems.
I just write stuff,
Saying what I can't say,
Hoping you'll read them, so you know how I feel.
I try talking in riddles, so you can only guess at what I mean.
Because I don't want you to know, even though I do.
I ain't a poet,
So why am I here?

Everyone must think that I've gotten over you.
They say things to me about you that they never would have said before.
Things that put you down, make you seem worse.
Things that offend me too.
They don't realize how much it hurts me too, because I still love you.

They must think I've moved on.
Telling me I should find another girl.
Pointing out potential partners saying how good they would be for me.
Don't they get it?
You are all I ever want.

But I guess I'm doing a good job hiding things.
My shell is working like a charm.
I've mastered the art of fake.
I wonder if I could even fool you?

I am not suicidal,
I would just rather be dead.

After you left me,
You know how you told me that talking to me tore you up?
I finally figured out why.
It wasn't me that was tearing you up,
But the shards of my heart.
You shattered my heart,
And any time you come around me,
You are gonna get cut by the shards that haven't been picked up.
How can I pick them up myself?
Nobody else is here to help pick them up either,
So you, nor anybody else, will ever be able to get close to me again.

I found you today.
It took a lot of searching but I finally found you.
A clever one you are,
Hiding like that.
But don't you worry,
I'll leave you alone this time.
I won't message you or "follow" you or even "like" your poems.
I'll just sit in the background and cry,
Reading your poems over and over.
Because everything you write to him are things you've said to me.
Things that almost make me think you're talking to me.
Until you mention him, not by name, but by description.
I just laugh to myself,
Just thinking back on everything.
I laugh because I believed you.
I laugh because I never deserved you.
I laugh because I ran out of tears to cry.

I Love You.
Three simple words.
People use them all the time.
But for me, they are rare.
I Love You.
Never did I mean it more than when spoken to you.
And when I said forever, well sorry to say but I meant it.
I Love You.
Words you repeated back to me.
Words I believed with all of my heart.
I Love You More.
Something you told me all the time.
Something I think you believed, although it wasn't true.
I Love You.
Even though you broke my heart and left me for dead.
After everything you've done that hurts so much.
I Love You.
Loomple <3

I'm a fake.
I'm phony.
Putting on what people wanna see.
I don't really care.
I'll show them what they want to see.
I have so many identities that you never know if you got the real me.
But when you see the real me, you'll know.
Too bad that the number of people who know the real me can be counted on one hand...

I loved you with everything I had.
Now, I can never love another,
Because there is nothing of me left to give.

I'm done.
I've messed enough up.
I just need to leave.
But before I go, I need you to know that I love you.
I love you with all of my heart.
And I tried.
It may not seem like it but I was trying so hard.
Just know that I'm always here if you need me.
And if I die an early death, rejoice. Don't be sad.

I'm sorry.
For everything I couldn't be that you needed.
I'm sorry.
For not letting go.
I'm sorry.
I Love you.

I don't usually push this hard.
In fact, I'm almost scared that I'll push you away.
But I don't have time for this waiting game.
I can't play hard to get.
I'm running out of time.
I must fight for every second I can get.

In a few weeks I'll be gone,
Never to see you again.
Can you blame me for trying?
Is it possible to fit a lifetime in such a short period of time?

I don't mean to push you away,
I just want to spend time with you.
You're the sun to my flower.
Without you I cannot exist.

I'm a battery that can only be charged by you,
And I'm headed to a place without any power sources.
I shall soon be no more.
Please allow me to live while I still have the means.

How can I tell you I can't live without you?

You don't know what it's like to be in love.
You know what attraction is.
You know what lust is.
You even know what love is.
But you don't know what it's like to be in love.

You loved me,
But I was in love with you.

I don't take compliments well, and unless I know beyond a doubt that it's true, I won't even believe you actually meant it.

I overthink things, and even after something happens, I will continue to run through everything that could have been done differently.

I don't do emotions, and the more you try to get me to share, the more I start to believe that I don't even have them.

I'm not good socially, and the more I like you, the worse I am. I may seem dull or uninteresting, but I just don't want to mess up.

I know I'm not perfect, or even anywhere close, but thank you for being you and accepting me the way I am.

Our lives have been like a chess game.
You took the first move and started off aggressively.
I played the more layed back approach to study my opponent.
I got caught up in my own game and you swooped in and stool my queen.
My pawn is racing toward the other end of the board, hoping to bring her back.
Will I be able to take out your king?

Your mom whispers in your ear to beware and watch out for me, but she hasnt liked me since the moment I captured your knight.
Now I have you in check.
It's your move, will you keep playing or do you give up now?