I stay up late at night,
Lying in bed,
Writing poems in my mind while I fall asleep.
I write poems for you.
Poems you'll never see
Because I never remember them by the time I wake up.

Everyone says the if a girl runs away that it's because she wants to be followed. She wants to see what a person will go through to be with her.
Well that isn't always true. I tried following the girl that ran away. She just ran even farther. Sometimes, when a girl runs away, it's into another man's arms, and she doesn't want followed.

Do you remember how you could never look into my eyes?
You always told me that it was because you were afraid of losing me.
But I think I figured out the real reason.

When you looked into my eyes, you saw how much I loved you.
You saw how much that you meant to me,
And you knew that you could never love me the same way.

You never looked back into my eyes because you knew I would see.
You knew I would see that you didn't love me forever.
You knew I would figure out your secret.

You knew I would have to find out eventually,
So why did you hide it from me for so long?
You knew that the longer you waited, the harder it would be on me.
Why didn't you care?

I tried reaching out to you.
Don't you remember when you said you still wanted to "be friends"?
I was trying to put aside our differences, forget what you did to me.
I tried being your friend again,
But you rejected me.

It was your idea, don't you know.
I still wish I never met you.
But now that I have,
I can't live without you.

I tried to be "just friends",
But you no longer even want that...

I wish I could walk away.
But I can't, because I still love you.

I wish I could say that I'm ok ...
And actually mean it.

I wish I could hate you for what you did to me.
Because I feel like it would make things easier.

I wish I would have stayed in my bubble, not letting you pry me out.
Then my shell would have protected my fragile heart.

I wish I cold have all of those days back.
All that wasted time, just for a shattered heart.

I wish I would have never learned what love is.
Because then I wouldn't have to live knowing what I'm missing out on.

I wrote you a letter today,
But I write to you all the time,
Through poetry, journals, and many others.
But this time was different.

I wrote you a letter today,
And unlike all of those other things I write for you,
I think I may give this one to you,
Let you actually read it.

I wrote you a letter today.
It's not hate mail.
I actually was able to talk like a normal person,
Without snapping and ranting about how you shouldn't have left.

I wrote you a letter today,
And I felt a bit better.

I am not suicidal,
I would just rather be dead.

When I woke up alive this morning,
I was disappointed.

I wonder if enough time has passed for you to forget me.

Do you remember what we had?
Or has it been replaced with all new memories?

Would you still recognize me?
Or would I be a stranger to your eyes?

Would you talk to me like a long lost friend?
Or would you pretend you didn't see me?

Are you truly happy now?
Because that's all that matters to me.

And just when I thought everything was all better,
You started appearing in my life again.

My watch doesn't tell time.
These are the things it tells me:

Quit making excuses.
Never Give up.
Get over yourself.

Everything that happened between us just seems like a dream now.
And that's okay.
Because I've had plenty of amazing dreams during my last,
And in the end they were just dreams.
So if I can convince myself you were really just a dream,
Then maybe I'll be able to move on.
And maybe it's better that way.

I still love you, but I won't take you back.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

You don't know what it's like to be in love.
You know what attraction is.
You know what lust is.
You even know what love is.
But you don't know what it's like to be in love.

You loved me,
But I was in love with you.

I stopped looking at your pictures,
Because they reminded me of you.

I stopped listening to music,
Because it reminded me of you.

I stopped reading and writing poems,
Because they made me think of you.

I stopped everything that reminds me of you,
So why do you have to show up in my dreams the way you do?
Always coming back to stay,
Being mine forever.
Don't you know how much that hurts,
Waking up and crying because I know it's just a dream?
Please just leave me alone.

You told me "I loved you and now I dont. Its as simple as that."
It's as simple as that?
SIMPLE?
How can you love someone one day and not love them the next?
How can you promise someone forever and then just up and leave?
It was "simple"?
You never really loved me.
Because it's not simple to just stop loving somebody.

Believe me,
I've been trying...

Why do I still love you?
Why can't I just forget you and move on with my life?
I know I will actually be happy when I move on,
So what's holding me back?

You are embarrassed every time you see me.
I can tell by the way you close your eyes , like you're trying to un-see me.
You turn your face away as if I'm a disease.

Why are you embarrassed?
Are you embarrassed of me?
Do you wish you had never met me?
Wish that I was never a part of your life?

Or are you embarrassed for how you treated me?
Leaving me the way you did.
Taking away my only source of happiness
And being blamed by everyone for it.

Are you embarrassed by the way I acted when you left me?
How pitiful I was,
Broken, emotional, a wreck.

Or are you embarrassed by the way you acted?
Pretending you still cared,
Saying you still loved me but you loved him too.

I know you are embarrassed,
But what for?

Everyone must think that I've gotten over you.
They say things to me about you that they never would have said before.
Things that put you down, make you seem worse.
Things that offend me too.
They don't realize how much it hurts me too, because I still love you.

They must think I've moved on.
Telling me I should find another girl.
Pointing out potential partners saying how good they would be for me.
Don't they get it?
You are all I ever want.

But I guess I'm doing a good job hiding things.
My shell is working like a charm.
I've mastered the art of fake.
I wonder if I could even fool you?

I think you might have actually believed you loved me.

This is a message I received. too similar to the one from "stephanie" to be coincidence. just a heads up.

My name is Roseline,I came across your profile while browsing i was moved
to contact you as I want to know you the more , i will like you to write
to me through my private email address here(roselinederricksylbert@hotmail.com) so that i will send you my
pictures and introduce myself well to you.and i also have some important
information i will like to disclose to you I hope we can move from here
my regards, as I wait for your reply at.
(roselinederricksylbert@hotmail.com) stay blessed.

Addiction is defined as the state of being enslaved to something that's habit forming and causes severe trauma.

Withdrawal from that something can cause: Low energy, anxiety, insomnia, agitation, vomiting, nausea, pain, among others.

You were my drug.
I was addicted to you.
And now I'm paying the price

You were my marijuana,
You made me high.

You were my alcohol,
Making me forget the pain.

You were my daily cup of coffee,
The only thing keeping me going throughout the day.

You were heaven on Earth,
Perfect for me.

You were the peanut to my butter
And the honey to my bee.

I didn't need an intervention,
So why make me go through this?
Why make me quit cold turkey?
Have you ever experienced withdrawal?
Apparently not.

I'm starting to think that I'm scared of my heart healing.
I'm scared because what if I move on?
You know I hate change.
That I'm scared of the unknown.
So if I move on, what will happen?
Would I get hurt again?
Would I be happy?
I don't know.
But I know that I will never be hurt again,
If I never let anybody else in.
And I think it's better to have no chance at getting hurt,
Than have a slim chance of being happy.
I don't really know.
I'm just as confused now as I was the day you left.

I see so much pain.
So much hurt and depression.
Talk of suicide and self injury.
I know nothing that anyone says will help the hurt.
So I encourage everyone who knows someone like this,
To just listen.
Don't try giving advice,
It doesn't help.
Don't tell us stories of yourself in a similar situation,
We are different.
We just want someone to listen to us and be there for us.

And for everyone who feels worthless and ready to die,
Hang in there.
You are loved.
More people than you could imagine care about you.
I know it won't be easy at all,
But try.
Even if you only find one reason to live and a million to die,
Fight for that one reason.

I've never done a challenge before, but I've been thinking on writing a poem about what kind of Pokemon I would be. I guess this would be more for the nerd-type people here. But I challenge others to write what kind of Pokemon they would be. Let me know if you accept so I can check it out.


If I Were A Pokemon....

I would be a Ditto.
I'm Ditto because I'm a different person depending on who I'm with.
I tend to transform into what others like.
I become what they want to see out of me.
Whether that means always joking around,
Being a little extra sad,
Talking "like a Christian",
Or talking like a "normal" person my age.
I will become whatever you want just to make you happy,
Because it doesn't matter who I really am.
I'm *Ditto

Do you hate me as much as I hate myself?

Do you ever think about me?
Or am I forgotten?

Trying to put me back together would be like:

Trying to do a million piece puzzle,
Without half of the pieces.

Trying to solve a  Rubik's cube,
While blindfolded,
With your feet,
With shoes on,
Under water,
Without an air supply.

Trying to put a broken plate back together,
When all of the pieces have turned to powder.

Trying to bring my body back to life,
After its been cremated,
And the ashes spread in the wind.

Trying to flip a "heads",
While rolling dice.

Trying to put me back together is useless.

You would have better luck:
Splitting an atom with your bare hands,
Stopping world hunger with a single pea,
Surviving in outer space without oxygen,
Running to Mars and back on foot.

I'm un-fixable ever since you took all of my love,
And left me for dead.

7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 **That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I never really understood depression until recently.
I always thought people where just babied when they were young,
Or they just cared too much about the subject,
Or they just didn't know the joy of knowing Jesus.

I would tell them to be happy.
I would list all kinds of reasons,
Like how lucky they were for this or that and so much more.

But now I understand.
My heart has been shattered and I know depression.
I know what it feels like to not be able to eat or sleep.
I know that nobody can say or do anything to help,
Except maybe the one you love.
Sometimes.

I know what its like to have a great family and friends,
But nobody to talk to.
I know what its like to be a priviledged individual,
But still feel empty.
I know what its like to have everything I need, plus more,
But it still isn't enough.

I finally understand what its like to be depressed and suicidal.
And it *****.
My heart goes out to everyone in the same position.
And I hope we can all get out of this whole.

And for those who don't understand depression,
Just know that its not your fault we can't be helped,
Because nothing helps.

We might seem ok,
Because that's the show that we put on everyday
So others won't know.

We just need you to be there for us.
Not to do anything except be there.

First World Problems:
My coffee is too hot.
He/she made fun of me.
My Iphone is too old.
I'm too fat.
I'm too skinny.
I'm too ugly.
Nobody likes me.
I need more followers.
Need I go on?


There are more important problems in this world:
Starvation,
War,
Droughts,
*** trafficing,
Slaves in general,
Crime,
And so much more.

So why are we all so self centered?
And I know I'm a hypocrite for writing this,  
Because I do the same things.
But just stop and think how lucky you are to not have to fight every day just to get something to eat.
Think how lucky you are to have a place to live.
Be grateful for what you have and live every day to the fullest.

I kinda wish I never met you.
You know why?

Because before you:
I didn't know what true happiness was.
I was content with being alone.
I thought love was fake.
I enjoyed life.

But now that you've come into my life and then left:
I cry because I'll never truly be happy again.
I hate being lonely.
I know how incredible love is.
I can't enjoy life because you were all that ever made me happy,
And you left me dead on the street.

Thanks for ruining my life,

After you left me,
You know how you told me that talking to me tore you up?
I finally figured out why.
It wasn't me that was tearing you up,
But the shards of my heart.
You shattered my heart,
And any time you come around me,
You are gonna get cut by the shards that haven't been picked up.
How can I pick them up myself?
Nobody else is here to help pick them up either,
So you, nor anybody else, will ever be able to get close to me again.

I ain't a poet,
But I wrote poems for you.

I ain't an artist,
But I drew a picture of you.

I ain't a writer,
But I write to you everyday.

I ain't a singer,
But I sing my heart out for you.

I ain't got feelings,
But I love you with all my heart.

I ain't anything,
But I try.
For you.

I miss you Alex

Before you, I was ready to die.
I didn't hate my life, but I didn't love it.
I was just kind of here.

Then you entered my life.
Every night I prayed that I would get to live forever with you.
I loved life more than I thought possible because you were there.

Now that you've left me for dead, I'm ready to die again.
I pray every night that God would take me home,
Let me leave this living Hell and go to paradise.
Because right now I have nothing to live for.
You took everything I had, and then some.
I'm ready to die now, but don't feel bad about it.
Its not your problem, just be happy my dear.

I'm to the point where I don't know if I could ever take you back,
Even if you asked.
That doesn't mean I don't love you,
Because I still love you with all of my heart.
But after this experience,
How could I trust you enough to not hurt me again?

I wonder what will happen next time we wee each other.
Will you pretend you didn't see me?
Will I pretend I didn't see you?
Or will we say hi and carry on with our day?

I wonder if you would let me talk to you.
Would we be able to pretend we were still best friends?
Talking and laughing like the good old days.
Or would you tell me to leave and refuse to talk to me?

I wonder if you would go home and miss me.
Would you reminisce on our glory days?
Would you want me to be part of your life again?
Or would you just carry on with your day,
As if nothing ever happened.

I wonder if you would even recognize me.
Do you remember what I look like?
Or am I just a faint memory?

I won't have to wonder for much longer I hope.

Did you really love me?
Or did you just love the person you were because of me?
Seeing how you left me stranded,
I think I have my answer...

I know you don't check on here anymore,
But I still can't post about you.
Because what if you should stumble across them someday?
How would you feel?
Would you miss me at all if you saw the pain I'm in?
Or would you keep scrolling the page,
Pretending not to even see it?
I don't really know, but you'll never see any poems I write for you.
Not that you care.

You seem to have stopped writing your poems.
Why is that?
You used to write all the time.

As far as I know people write out of emotions, mainly painful ones.
So I guess its good that you don't write?

But you liked to write when you were happy too.
Are you no longer happy?

I wish you wouldn't have stopped writing my dear.
That't the only connection I have to you.
And I need to hear from you,
Even if you aren't even talking to me.
I just need to hear your voice.
Even just seeing something you wrote is enough to make my day.

Good.
I have finally pushed you away.
I have finally made you hate me.
Now I can leave without you regretting it.
I can leave without you caring.
And now that you hate me,
Maybe you can finally forgive yourself for leaving me?
I hope so.
Good bye My Love :* <3
Loomple
And good bye to everyone else.

Its a good thing I found the pieces to my shell.
You know, that thing you broke me out of?
Well I put it back on, and its a good thing too.
If it wasn't for my shell, everyone would know how much I still miss you.

I'm falling apart on the inside,
But my precious shell holds everything together.
I cry myself to sleep,
But my precious shell hides the tears.
I go through the days in a haze,
But my precious shell is painted with a smile, so nobody knows.

Thank you my precious little shell,
You're all I have left.

I never called you a monster.
I believed everything you ever said to me.
So why are you twisting my words?

You want me to **** myself?
That's cool.
You're all I was holding on to to keep me alive.

I can't tell you what you felt?
No I can't, but I can try to express my confusion.

So I'm bad with words, you know that.
You're the only reason I'm as good as I am now.
Something came out of my mouth wrong, mis-worded.
Shouldn't you be used to that?

Why are you mad at me when you're the one who left me?
You left me falling off a cliff with noone to catch me.
So if you really want me dead, just say the word.
Because I will do whatever it takes to make you happy.

I found you today.
It took a lot of searching but I finally found you.
A clever one you are,
Hiding like that.
But don't you worry,
I'll leave you alone this time.
I won't message you or "follow" you or even "like" your poems.
I'll just sit in the background and cry,
Reading your poems over and over.
Because everything you write to him are things you've said to me.
Things that almost make me think you're talking to me.
Until you mention him, not by name, but by description.
I just laugh to myself,
Just thinking back on everything.
I laugh because I believed you.
I laugh because I never deserved you.
I laugh because I ran out of tears to cry.

I saw signs of you twice today.
You appear and disappear like a faint smell on the wind.
Why do you have to do that,
Show up and disappear before I can even see you?
Leaving only traces of yourself for me to hold on to.
But at least I know you are around and still care at least a little.
That's a nice feeling, so thank you.
Would you mind staying around for a little next time?

Can you just give me a sign?
Just a little one,
Just so I know you're still out there somewhere.
And that maybe you still care.