When you broke up with me I thought,
What will I do when people find out?
But then I remembered.
You didn't say we were in a relationship on facebook.
In fact, you didn't even change your status from single.

You were ashamed of me.

You didn't want people to know that I was yours.

And now they won't know that I'm not anymore.

It's not easy to keep it from friends.
The breakup, I mean.
I get asked how you and I are doing on a daily basis.
I answer "Okay".

Why do I lie?

Because I'm sure you are doing okay.
And I want to be doing okay too.
So I say that we are okay.

It's not like I'm ashamed.
I'm not ashamed you broke up with me.
I know my place, and you were sure to put me back in it.

I just can't stand the pity, the whispers, the gossip.
"No, I'm not fine."
"I don't want to deal with your questions."
"I DON'T want to talk about it."
"Can we focus on you, please?"
Anyone but me.

I can't keep lying about this,
I need to tell the truth.

But I can't.


So I lie.


I lie about our relationship,
And I lie in a puddle of my own blood and tears.

I mourned you like you had died,
Because to me, it felt like you had.
And when I saw you still breathing,
It felt like a stab to the chest.

Nice and slow, with a twist.

I don't know if you ever think of me.
I think of you constantly.
But as each day goes by,
And the distance between our time together and now get longer,
The pain fades.
Very slowly.

This doesn't mean it's gone.
Oh no, it is very much still there.

But I'm pushing it down.
I'm growing a scab on top of this ever-flowing wound,
Because I need to survive.
Not because I want it.
Some days, I feel like I would willingly die for the pain that is you.
But I can't, because that would be too selfish.
People need me, and I cannot ignore their needs for mine.

Today I felt good.
And then I immediately felt guilty,
Because I know you don't.

But it's not my fault you feel bad.
It's not my fault that you broke up with me.
It is yours.
And I know that that's awful to say,
But you are dragging me down with you.
And that's not fair.

It's not even okay.


It's torture.


I miss you so **** much.
Did you know that I have a panic attack at least every second day?

Because of you.

In order for you to get better,
You've made me so, so much worse.
I'm collapsing without you.
You were my foundation.

And I know that's not fair of me to put on you,
But why did you let me?
Why did you let me build myself on a foundation that was too broken to support itself,
Let alone another human being.

You knew you were broken.
You knew I was too.

I didn't know you were.
And I warned you about how I was.
How I am.

How that if you wanted to get close to me,
You had to be careful.
That you shouldn't let me give you my heart if you were just going to break it.
But you did,
With ease.

You are selfish.
But so am I.

I love you.
*******.

Did you want me just because I look like your ex?
Was I only there to warm your bed?
You knew that I would because I loved you with everything I had.
You took advantage of that.

Did you need someone to forget?
I hope you're back in that dark place now.
No, I don't.
Yes, I do.
No...I don't.

You were always more to me than I was to you.
And I knew that,
But I hoped I was wrong.
So I dived in lips first anyway.

You were too good to be true.

I feel like a tissue.
Paper-thin, one time use only.
There for you to wipe away your sorrows,
Then throw out.

That's what I was for you,
So it makes sense that you got rid of me.