I mourned you like you had died,
Because to me, it felt like you had.
And when I saw you still breathing,
It felt like a stab to the chest.

Nice and slow, with a twist.

I don't know if you ever think of me.
I think of you constantly.
But as each day goes by,
And the distance between our time together and now get longer,
The pain fades.
Very slowly.

This doesn't mean it's gone.
Oh no, it is very much still there.

But I'm pushing it down.
I'm growing a scab on top of this ever-flowing wound,
Because I need to survive.
Not because I want it.
Some days, I feel like I would willingly die for the pain that is you.
But I can't, because that would be too selfish.
People need me, and I cannot ignore their needs for mine.

Today I felt good.
And then I immediately felt guilty,
Because I know you don't.

But it's not my fault you feel bad.
It's not my fault that you broke up with me.
It is yours.
And I know that that's awful to say,
But you are dragging me down with you.
And that's not fair.

It's not even okay.


It's torture.


I miss you so **** much.
Did you know that I have a panic attack at least every second day?

Because of you.

In order for you to get better,
You've made me so, so much worse.
I'm collapsing without you.
You were my foundation.

And I know that's not fair of me to put on you,
But why did you let me?
Why did you let me build myself on a foundation that was too broken to support itself,
Let alone another human being.

You knew you were broken.
You knew I was too.

I didn't know you were.
And I warned you about how I was.
How I am.

How that if you wanted to get close to me,
You had to be careful.
That you shouldn't let me give you my heart if you were just going to break it.
But you did,
With ease.

You are selfish.
But so am I.

I love you.
*******.