Longing;
For a conversation needed

Hoping;
We can go back to the way we were

Praying;
That we can be mended

Wishing;
This fight will come to an end

Fearing;
We will stay this way

Knowing;
It is up to me

I'm sorry

I miss you
Your touch
Your life
Your smile
I miss us
Our jokes
Our secrets
Our conversations
Who knew that would come to an end

I remember the first time I fell for you
When you asked me if I wanted you to hold my hand
So I wouldn't trip going up the hill
Who would predict I would fall for you
I told myself that it was unrealistic as my best friend longed for you
For your touch and your gaze
I never thought I would fall for you too
The months went by and we grew closer
Long conversations and catching each other staring back in class
I had wished those days would always last
But the school year came to an end
Off to our separate high schools we were sent
And on our last day together
We went off with a hug
And to this day I still regret
Never knowing that was love

There are two ways a relationship can go
We break up
Or we are married
Both are equally scary

A hometown should be one of pleasant memories
Going down to the creak, playing games in the streets
Not in this renown hidden town
A town full of dread and full of sorrow
Fulfilling the rich and suffering the poor
The unwelcomed guests welcomed all around
How I once was proud this was my hometown
My home will forever be in this town bearing misery
Until I get the courage to leave

I live in a house built for three
But the walls surrounding me house four
My time spent here can no longer be
You see, I am the one on the other end of the door
I am the fourth crowd that will tear this house down
That smile we used to share no longer fills the air
A crowd our we and so I must leave
This silent house needs to be free

Deep down in my heart, there is an answer
Why I can't love like I should, why I am filled with so much hate
You keep me from knowing
You are my rock, you are my foundation
But my heart is being overwhelmed and I just explode
I yell, I shout, I cry
I wish I could explain why, but I can't
I'm to terrified to dig down into my heart
Who knows what lies there

I’m sorry that I cannot control my off days
I’m sorry that I take it out on you
I’m sorry that I can’t show how much I truly love you
I’m sorry that I‘m not a role model
I’m sorry that I’m to judge-mental
I’m sorry that I’m not a good daughter
I’m sorry that I’m not a good sister
I’m sorry that I don’t give you the chance to see my progress
I’m sorry that I have to make progress
I’m sorry that I ruin it all
I’m sorry that I cry over the little stuff
I’m sorry that I’m not the friend that I should be
I’m sorry for all the lies
I’m sorry for all the chaos
I’m sorry for splitting the family up
I’m sorry for being to harsh
I’m sorry that I don’t show enough appreciation
I’m sorry for not always doing what you ask
I’m sorry that I can’t express my emotions properly
I’m sorry that I ruined our relationship
I’m sorry that I am losing you, my best friend
I’m sorry I’m not the little girl that was perfect anymore
I’m sorry that I can’t control myself at times
I’m sorry that I don’t own up to everything
I’m sorry that I make you feel like I’m a burden
I’m sorry for it all, I truly am.

With each stroke, the canvas speaks
The colors fade or stay strong
It reads our mind and draws our thoughts
These hopes and fears of mine are hidden among the colors and lines
The paint may bleed or blend
This canvas carries my emotions out of me
So I can see what lies inside my mind
And correct my mistakes
Put an end to my fears
And keep going on my dreams
I am the canvas

These pages I open, these pages I see
These pages I read, from these I dream
I dream of a place a lifetime away
Where I can be whoever I think
Where my life is written for me and I can choose the journey I seek
To love as Juliet or to fight as Katniss
To be unknown like Bella or rule like Regina
It's in the hands of the author and their words I will read
The world will fade in these pages I dream

Holding on to a branch
Below me a sea of alligators 
Waiting to tear me apart 
To see what lies inside
Their teeth scrap my leg
Leaving a slight trail 
Begging for more
One thing isn't enough
Nothing will ever be enough
The alligators are jumping
They are getting higher and higher
More skin is being scraped
The branch is creaking
I know it is gonna break
But when
How long will it be
Before there is nothing left of me

She built a wall
What's behind it, only she knows
Through a hole you can see
The roses that grow
Locked inside and guarded by thorns
The secrets she holds