it hurts, you know?
what you say, what you do
i'll put up with it anyway
even when i know it's toxic
your actions fake,
untrue.
it's hard, you know?
when all you do is complain
i listen to it anyway
wishing i had half the problems you do
makes me resentful,
insane.
please know
what i say, what i do
you should put up with anyway
listen and care, compromise
be unselfish and optimistic
even if for an hour,
a day.
i'm tired of not feeling like a person
but this won't escape me
i won't tell you, no
it just hurts
and it's hard
really
you know?

im too old for the innocent 'what if' that i feel when i see you
being near you is peering into the looking glass of who i've become
your face gives me comfort with an always lingering uneasiness
like the first stretch in the morning : your restless bones being set free but tightened by the cold 6am air; almost satisfied but never contented
im worried that i'll be the one that fades before my feelings have the chance
sickeningly entranced by you when my body is experiencing what my mind should be too
my faith in fate is robbed and im left to hope it returns with a new you, giving me signs my wasted time will be returned, hanging like a shiny remembrance on a shelf in my head

you haven't changed me, but i've changed because of you
because there was a time when i'd have let you sweep me off my feet, call me yours, dance to the same beat
but as i lay here and try to recall how i once felt, i feel separate from my own mind
i told myself it was supposed to be you;
luck, or fate, as i'd once say, would be on our side and we'd end up in eighth period chemistry laughing til we cried
but i know now that my dreams of a pretty prom dress i'll never wear can be no more; my feelings once held for you are ones i'll never share
so even if that night i once so desperately wanted us to spend hand in hand goes awry at least i know i have enough strength to never let you see me cry.