Words I write as I cry
are occasionally found
to be beautiful
Words I speak
and actions I take
are often ignored
If my written word
finds its way
into your heart,
Perhaps this
Is the greatest love
I'll never know

I have tried for too long
to fit into your various segments
I have played the roles of
Christian
Passionate lover
Rebellious son
The perfect one-night stand
Intelligent workplace hero
Humble soccer talent
Competitive PC gamer
College graduate, master's holder
Friend with benefits
Big earner
*** addict in recovery
Devoted husband
Home updater
Fun party guy
Deep-thinking poet
Music-lover, dancer

I fit into none of the roles you have to offer.

I am a primate with a more sophisticated brain and a cleaner body. I declare this with reluctant disappointment.

An observer would see our race developing, bodies and populations increasing in complexity and order; patterns like cities, data flowing through fiber cables, and social constructs aligning like carbon atoms becoming a diamond.

But we will not reach the perfection of a lab-created stone.

We have significant inclusions,
The most glaring of which is purposelessness.

Is there anyone watching?

I've got nothing to say to you.
Except everything
that's on my mind
              every day

He wrapped his arms around the cat sitting in his lap
Existential anxiety had become an underlying constant,
But his love for the creature provided momentary connection;
A temporary check against the loneliness

The same feeling, the state of being, will return
But, brushing it aside for a moment,
He had a somber taste of what it might be like
if the world wasn't broken

Whenever I look at you
I know what I'm doing
Isn't making it any better
But I still look at you
Almost every day
I try to feed myself
With your willingness
Your "beauty"
Which isn't really your beauty
But just a cheap
Shortened version thereof
A minute long relationship
If I think you're really hot
And it's a sad one
It's a rebound I live
Every day
I keep rebounding with you
But it doesn't seem like
I ever bounce away from her
Sometimes I wish
You were someone real
But then I'd be crying
Even harder
Because I'd be giving more
Of myself away to you
So maybe it's better that
I only see images of you
I cry enough already
And I need a rebound
But rebounds don't work for me
You don't work for me
But I still give myself to you

You got BoJack
I can never see beyond the negative
Is it the idea of you that I can't shake?

No wonder you couldn't have a conversation with me
No wonder you can't even respond to the email I wrote you
Not that I expected it to be welcomed with open arms
But it's months later and I'm still piecing together your lies
And I'm sure the truth is even worse than what I've discerned
Congratulations. You're the biggest liar I've ever known.
And something is deeply wrong with me
That I fell in love with you.

You know everything there is to know
About how to be right

You've got a chip on your shoulder
Camouflaged by a calm demeanor

Words like "science" provide you with finality
They build a framework to make sense
Of a world that is unexplainable
Your very existence is inexplicable,

So hide hide hide behind your "facts"
And run run run from your fears
While your anger at illogical people
Pushes anyone with a kind heart away

And you remain alone
But at least you've got your facts

You think the only way to be
is devoid of emotion
even in the face of tragedy,
so long as the tragedy isn't yours

I'm sorry,
I'm just not a ******* like you

You try
to attach
yourself to
a man
a boy
so you can
escape
the
responsibility
of your own
life
and take on his

I hope when you look at your scars
And you notice you've been picking a lot
You remember
How I wrote that story about them
About you
Loving you
Because whatever you do
You are loved
Even though you don't love me

You know,
In spite of all those things,
The ones you did to me,
You still are the same girl.
You've got the same smile
The same look in your eye
You're flawed,
As we're all,
But you're still the person I loved
You'll never be mine,
But you deserve a tribute
You deserve a tear
One that says
You were worth my time
That I grew with you

And here it is.