Do you ever just feel like a depressed pile of **** but you can't tell anyone because you have to maintain your image but you'd really be okay with just dying because then you wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore including both what you feel like **** about and also your image

The longing for things that will never be
The knowledge that we'll be taken before we're done
Disappointment in ourselves
Resignation to sadness
Belief in pointlessness
The lack of energy to be angry at things that are wrong
Inability and/or unwillingness to change

Writing down depressing things and never turning them into a cohesive piece

Self-fulfilling prophecy

He wrapped his arms around the cat sitting in his lap
Existential anxiety had become an underlying constant,
But his love for the creature provided momentary connection;
A temporary check against the loneliness

The same feeling, the state of being, will return
But, brushing it aside for a moment,
He had a somber taste of what it might be like
if the world wasn't broken

I stare at her picture
On a backlit screen
I look for something there
Something so deep it could quench
But I don't know **** about her
And, thankfully,
She doesn't know **** about me

Alexa, turn off the light
Alexa, it's cold in here
Alexa, tell me a story
Alexa, sing me a lullaby
Alexa, I miss my girl
Alexa, pull up my favorite ****
Alexa, are you real?
Alexa, I'm bored
Alexa, stop
I'm sad

I've walked away from feeling certain feelings for a long time
Allowing myself to emotionally need anyone
There's a good chance I'll be alone when I die
if I continue to let other desires get in the way of truly loving someone

I stay awake until 5 every morning
It's an escape
If I go to bed, I have to think
And I've given up on living

My ex weighs on my mind
And then my other exes join
No one will satisfy me
And my vision is going bad

Art won't be my living
I'll have to go back to productive work
I have no plan, no discipline
And I'm about to **** up some relationships

Everyone is sour, I believe
It's the most obvious quality of mine

You can't erase me from your past
So I wonder
What colors will you choose
to paint the me that was

There are nights I do things I can do
There are nights I do things I can't
Tonight I did something I can't

I could meet a dozen girls in a night,
But I couldn't connect with a one
Where I once had deep desire,
I now have chaos
A complete inability to put forth effort
Without the help of drugs
A fairy tale desire to **** them all,
But no internal life to manifest it
I may be the coolest dude in the bar,
But you might as well ignore me

Hey, doggy
I'm gonna be your friend for while, okay?
I think your mom is beautiful,
But she doesn't really like me
That's okay, though
I'm doing this for you
I just want to make sure you're okay
While your mom is gone
Even though she's just using me
Good boy

You got BoJack
I can never see beyond the negative
Is it the idea of you that I can't shake?

The curves in her lips
mirrored those of her back

They pressed together
as my fingertips explored
the skin they mimicked,

and they parted
as I searched further
and found what I've been looking for

It's ironic
that the only way
to get close
is by starting out
"no strings"

Let's just ****
because we have
intimacy issues
and insecurity

After we're done,
I'll tell you everything,
and you can tell me
why everything's okay

I'll hold your hand
and tell you
I won't hurt you
the way he did

I can't, after all;
We're just friends

I know it was just a movie, and the scenes and the music tug strings in ways we don't always feel in everyday life. But I'm not crying about the movie. I'm crying because you're here with me and I'm thinking about you. I'm crying because I feel the same way about you that he feels about her, and I want you to know that and to never forget it. And because I don't want it to end. I don't want our lives to end, and I know they will someday. Maybe I'll feel differently somehow when we're aged and we don't have all this energy anymore. Maybe I'll be ready for my life to end when I'm old and slow and sick and I can barely breathe, or my whole body aches all the time and someone has to take care of me like I'm a baby again. But I don't think I'll ever be ready to stop loving you.

I have tried for too long
to fit into your various segments
I have played the roles of
Christian
Passionate lover
Rebellious son
The perfect one-night stand
Intelligent workplace hero
Humble soccer talent
Competitive PC gamer
College graduate, master's holder
Friend with benefits
Big earner
*** addict in recovery
Devoted husband
Home updater
Fun party guy
Deep-thinking poet
Music-lover, dancer

I fit into none of the roles you have to offer.

I am a primate with a more sophisticated brain and a cleaner body. I declare this with reluctant disappointment.

An observer would see our race developing, bodies and populations increasing in complexity and order; patterns like cities, data flowing through fiber cables, and social constructs aligning like carbon atoms becoming a diamond.

But we will not reach the perfection of a lab-created stone.

We have significant inclusions,
The most glaring of which is purposelessness.

Is there anyone watching?

Memories
fade in and out
between sobs

The present
fills in the gaps

We only have so long to remember

Will there be anything more than this?
Will I have another chance?

I begin to walk across the field,
feeling the texture of the grass

Will she join me in another place?
Will she do without me?

I'm across the field,
but I want to cross it again

Every time
I think I've
learned something
about myself,
I find out
the opposite
may be
just as true

I'm afraid even if
you stared me in the face,
I'd miss it,
or if I did see who you are,
I'd still hate you

The thoughts that have
conjured in my mind
these last two years,
and the feelings that have
transpired in my chest,
have left me to hate you

Yes, even you,
the imagined one I desire

You've got it all, somehow
Yet you will disappear
So I choose to hate you
Instead of losing you

Dead tired before midnight,
Feeling like an old man
I hold onto this screen
To keep myself awake and sane
It's something of a safety blanket,
Don't you think?

Blues echo around inside
I'm inadequate to handle
The weight of tomorrow
If I fall asleep,
It'll be here now
If I lay awake,
I can delay it an hour

I want to know what it's like
To have your undivided attention

You sway
You move those hips
Disco flies through this air
And you give yourself away

No wonder
Everyone does drugs
How can you deal with this *******
Without any ******* drugs?

These nights
are too easy
for you
You get
what you
want
And
so do
they
But your
hurricane is
too strong
So they bend
and snap
Roots exposed
for them to see
For you to feel
A night with me

These secrets you keep
I know them
I know almost everything
But the one remaining piece
You keep from me
As if telling me
Would destroy me

I already know, dear girl,
And yet I love you
Please tell me
So my love will be complete

I go to bed alone every night
Am I as worthwhile as I think,
Or is there something wrong with me?

I have a good career,
I'm decent-looking at least,
I can make love or ****;
Whatever suits our mood
And I don't do so recklessly;
At least not often

I'm in a city of a couple million
One would think I could find
Just one

But I will tell you:
Dating is boring
Partying is fun,
Albeit a bit empty

Texting can only go so far
Touch me and I may recoil
Like me and it'll be too easy
Do drugs and you'll seem too wild
Be clean and you're a *****

So I come back to you,
My droves of women who are always game,
But never satisfy
Perhaps fantasy is better than reality
Or perhaps you should all burn in hell

Goodbye
is a despicable word

I'm not interested in you
I'm interested in girls who
Show off their body
Because they want you
To need their soul

I want to be naked and cuddle
Why can't I substitute for you?
With another,
It could never satisfy

With you, I imagine,
.....I can't describe

You know,
In spite of all those things,
The ones you did to me,
You still are the same girl.
You've got the same smile
The same look in your eye
You're flawed,
As we're all,
But you're still the person I loved
You'll never be mine,
But you deserve a tribute
You deserve a tear
One that says
You were worth my time
That I grew with you

And here it is.

You came back,
My dear
Not my love,
Not today,
But one I can imagine
Ponder and feel

How will I tell you,
With only written words,
What walks through this mind
And who hides in these chambers?

You've flipped the switch
No more feeling
Your mom beat you

She disparaged you for hours
A failure at everything
A total disappointment

It makes me sad
To hear you speak fondly
Of a hastened death

You're not perfect, man
But you're my friend

Don't die young,
Pretty girl
Someone needs you

You wanna kick it
I say yea
I don't know what I'm getting into
But neither do you
You're a different kind of girl
I'm a different kind of guy
I have some idea of what I offer
But what about you?
Is it possible I was right
In my drunken mind
That you have a lovely heart?
Others say "*****"
When I show them your picture
It is of your backside
I say I saw something in you
But I do whitewash
And I do love a broken girl
Who needs rescued
Can the wild be tamed?
They have to want to

She's a burlesque performer
And I wonder,
Does she carry that confidence to bed?
Does she have to act with a real man?
Or has she ever even been with one-
One who took her to bed
Because of who she was to him?
Would she crumble then,
The way she stumbled to answer my little questions about her?

Ran around all night
Unsure why I was in
But not about to turn it down

There she was again
With those black pants
If you can call them that

Crisis after crisis
Where's the birthday girl?
Search five different spots

Drugs sold, embellished
Never seen that life first hand
But now I can hold my own
Guy will get himself locked up
I think he wants to

Where's the birthday girl's friend?
Getting coked
Won't join
Dealer's best friend

I listened to her actions
They were loud
She saw situations as they were
Friends came first
Even if it was nonsense
They needed her for

Her red lips, I watched
Her soft hips, I touched

Mile a minute
But not overworked
Smiles all night
Living the life

I wonder if anyone has ever liked you
For you
Not just your body
Which is great
But for what goes through you
Your head
Your heart
You impressed me
And I don't think others see

This is how I fall
For a girl
Who I could never have
I think?

He sits back,
Cards at his chest
Funk tunes in the air
Poolside vibes
There are options here,
But not the one, yet

She's a promoter
I finally met her
Already forgot her name
But her look
Speared me
Is this why she's successful?

Your mess
Spills out of
Your cuteness
And that's okay

I still
Party
Like you can hear me
Like this music
Will find your ears
And you'll remember
And you'll be moved

He's probably one of the thoughtful,
He thought,
As he passed by the doors of the pained

I wonder what you'll be like
When we meet next week
You're fun enough to chat with
You're certainly kind and caring
That took no time to see
You look soft and sweet
And your answer to one question
Tells me you have another side
I think we might have fun
If your voice is as gentle as your words
And my worries ease around you
But it's only a first date
And a filled weekend, first, to wait

The moon
Her eyes
Her gaze
The sky

Leather
A hum
Crickets
Fresh air

How is
She here
How did
I find

Her hand
In mine
No more
Goodbyes

Could I fall in love again?
The anger in my heart says no,
But perhaps it will soften enough
I must admit it's already doing so

She struck me not
As the one of the few
Her look
So different
Couldn't be mine

I can't wait
And I hope you come
So when I invite you
And it's over the top
Don't think I'm weird
I'm just having fun

I used to care about her every move
She deserved better than she got
I felt the smallest of her pains
Her biggest had me searching with my all
But the bitter taste left in my mouth
Has worked its way through my whole
Now, your problems are yours alone
Don't expect any help
If I offer advice, it will be cold
If you don't take it,
Don't bother whining to me again

I'm a different person than I was a few years before.
I may be a different person again in a few more.
But what does it matter?
I am an animal.
I react to my surroundings.
My will is limited.
I make observations.
I contemplate my own existence.
But one lonely day,
I pass away the same as a dog.
I'm missed by a few,
but not for long.