Still enjoying life's gifts as they provide me with countless
Experiences so I can get to know the person I am becoming
And then I am finally at peace, a settling calm
That lingers in my heart. it is a mixture of joy and a content confusion,
That feeling when nothing can be better but nothing can be worse
Like when there are no expectations
Everything just is
.

the first day
a small ache in the left corner of my heart
It goes away
suddenly a smell, a picture, a song
triggers emotions in me
regrets, everything that went wrong
It has captured that tiny breathe of air
what were happy memories infest me with sadness
my heart writhes in despair

the Past torments me every day
It attempts to eat me alive from the inside out
starting at the heart
finishing with the mind
that's what happens when you follow your mind and not your heart
i'm consumed. It screams at me
DID YOU CHOOSE CORRECTLY?
i whisper "i don't know"

home again
the home I once ran away from
trying, yearning for one night free
of You invading my thoughts, embodying my dreams
but running is not a remedy
because home is the keeper of memories

the car, Your hand in my hand
romantic as hell

my bed, Your goofy smile
casting a spell

home for minutes, hours or days
I now realize these memories will never fade
this is not a sad poem
I want that to be clear
because I am finally able to cherish these memories
that I have made with You here

There is something calm about watching the stars
Each light quivers, as if to whisper directly to the heart
"It's okay" it says "I am here for you"
And at that moment everything seems right
With each inhale the world feels more interconnected than ever
Followed by an exhale that releases infinite gratitude for the moment
For at some point we all are a miniature entity
Heavy on the ground, enveloped by the stars

bean hollow
Bean hollow
Thank you thee
For all the fantastic memories
From post fairy store dates
to when I grew up and had adventures
At your front doorstep
Thanks bean hollow
For the times that we shared
Not only with Tomás
But for my other friends and yeah
I appreciate you
And love everything too

I think why it's tough
Is because my memories with you are more than vivid enough
It's like last summer was yesterday
And then I remember moving and I remember college and it becomes so far away
I look at the bucket list and it all seems fake
The picnics, arepas, bean hollow,strip PKs.. even our time in the Michigan lakes

I hang with other people and am truly having so much fun
It's just that there is something gnawing at my heart telling me I'm missing someone

Time passed and I thought I missed the idea of you
But now I'm beginning to realize what is really true
That maybe it's not the idea it's the you that i  miss maybe the other people that have walked into my life don't cut it not because they aren't like you but because they aren't you

And I wish instead of writing poems I could write raps
So maybe there would be an end to the song instead of an unending prose that has and will go on so long

Drunk tonight
Intoxicated tomorrow
Is it because my days are filled with sorrow?

Trapped in a whirlwind
I cannot even explain
It is like no one even knows my name

I want to feel wanted
But not that fake ****
In that amazing way that makes you feel lit

Not that one-night-stand wanted
Actually wanted, actually loved
I'm done until I am not done

It's a circular game
Life.
a ****** up cycle of positive and negative feelings
Canceling eachother out

What is this
How is this
i want to feel wanted again

i am drunk tonight
i'll be drunk tomorrow
i'm content but I am not
do i even deserve to feel sorrow?