I wish I could know you
Maybe some other time
Maybe some other life

I’ll daydream about you for now

My skin burns for you
Even if you don’t think of me
Your gaze turns me to

Speak to me again
Speak to me one more time

Pathetically I scramble and scrape
Any reason to have you look in my direction

I am on the edge burning for you
Your lips like fire
Dripping with flames

Think of me again
Think of me one more time

Can I make your heart race
Like you make mine?

I don’t know what to do
I can’t stop thinking about you

I want to whisper words
That make you think about me
Before you fall asleep

I think it bothers me
That
She ever use to hold you
And brush the hair away from your face

I want to be the only one
Who made you fall in love

I didn’t want to be here
I didn’t want to be anywhere

Escaping in my head
Into every pair of eyes
I found
Myself
Lost in beauty
Lost in love

Focus, Focus
I couldn’t focus

She said she worries
But I’m not worried
I want to breathe her air
And wrap her around me

She is beautiful
The Sun sets in her eyes
And rises with her smile

And God,
I am so lucky to know her

She is the moon, the stars, and the sky
She stops time
And my eyes shine

She is quiet
She tries to disappear
But I see her

I see her
And I want to kiss her
be near her
For even one second

God told me yesterday that you and I are finished
End of the line
End of this holy bond

Holy matrimony
You said you’d take care of me
But you only wore me down
To make me strong

He sent me a message in the sky
“Leave your husband”
And then I thought about
How you only make me cry
Bone breaking loneliness
Creeping all inside

23 years old
Today
Wonder why I feel this way
Should be proud
23, salaried
Everything is feeling pretty empty
23 years
Happy Birthday

My dad and I
We may never speak
And
When he dies
I might not even be invited to the funeral,
I might not even be listed under one of his children under "survived by",
I may never get closure,
Or the answers I wanted

I will never know why he walked my sister down the aisle, but he skipped my wedding.
I will never know why he takes pictures, saying "all my grandchildren", but my son is missing.
I will never know if he cared as much as I did about these things, if he swallowed the silence.
Is he bad at his core? I might never know.

My dad and I
We may never speak
He might die
And I might never know him.

Why is it so hard to swallow?

I get solace in knowing,
even if you keep pretending my blood
isnt yours,
I am
I am.

I cant forgive you
I cant forgive you until you see me
It's not fair I must live with your regret

I cannot forget about what you've done to me
But you can

New family
New daughter
Replacement
You dont even have to think
But I do
I do
I do not ******* forgive you

You close your eyes at night
Sleep so peacefully
Knowing, you dont know me
You dont have to know me
Out of sight
Out of mind


-
Love, your daughter

Are you a good person who does bad things?
Or are you a bad person who does good things?

You cant tiptoe the line.
You either are or are not.
But in the same aspect,
You cant always be one thing.

**** humanity.

I wish I couldnt tell
When people
Were telling
The Truth.

I wonder if I will notice the grooves of
Your face digging deeper every day
As life erodes you away
I wonder if we will look young forever
To each other
Immortal in our love, in a certain way
How I reveled in spending every day with you,
Until our last day.

I have the will to live
Every 2 weeks
Then I spend the rest of my time
Wishing it would end

So righteous are you
Pointing your divine finger
That you selfishly avoided
Your very own mirror

And so distracted
you will fall into the flames
You apparently so fear
For others

Everyone is equal here
In the eyes
Of our god.

We build your houses
With our proud bricks
As museums
This is how they live
And we take pictures for the field trip

We return home
Close our eyes
And tell our selves
We are aware of the worlds problems

In the dark
You only have your soul.

It doesnt matter who I want to be
I dont want to be me.

I am between you
And my passions
I buried them a long time ago
In the backyard of our home

Its getting harder to keep my feet grounded
I might float up and away

Who are we
But
Grains of eroded rock
Sand
On an even larger rock

No buildings
Out of bone
Though

Here we are
Trying to love each other
The way the people in the
Picture inserts
Looked like
They loved each other

When would we admit it to ourselves
When will you let me be free?

Have you ever
Laid in bed next to
someone you love

And prayed for
Your true love to
Fall out of the sky

Time still
Changes everything

Even if you choose
To stay still

Remember to smile,
Remember to brush your teeth,
Remember to wash your face,
Remember to have clean clothes,
Remember to never be late to work,
Remember to be a good wife,
Remember to be a good mother,
Remember to not be selfish,
Remember to love yourself,
Remember to clean the house,
Remember to wash the dishes,
Remember to get enough sleep,
Remember to wake up in time,
Remember to open your eyes,
Remember to smile,
Remember to brush your teeth,
Remember to pick up your feet,
Remember to breathe,
Remember how to be a good mother,
Remember how to be a good wife,
Remember to be yourself at work,
Remember to not be late,
Remember to take time for yourself,
Remember to not be selfish,
Remember to pay your bills,
Remember to clean the house,
Remember to do all the laundry,
Remember to pick up your arms,
Remember to be present,
Remember to smile.

I am trying not to change
In the way rocks remain forever
Only weathered
I am made of flesh, bone, and blood
But I am still finding pieces of myself
Blown away

I wanted to be the falling star,
In someones pocket,
Never to fade away.

I remember everything I wanted to forget
Even the dew drops that sat on leaves outside of the window
The worst day of my life
I forget everything I wanted to remember
You, you, you
Everything about you.

Small things only mattered now
We take pieces of ourselves for granted
I am telling you
When you lose chunks so big
A quiet night in
With small conversation
Is something special and dear to you
I wish I could give you my eyes
To see what I have seen

But then maybe
You'd just give them back to me
I think that's why most of the time
I would rather be asleep
Small things only mattered now.

Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out

I want to lay down in between blades of grass
I want to be as small
I dont want to see spend my life
Working
Working
Living in between

Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out

You dont see
What I see
In between the trees
And the breeze
That is why you will never understand
What I mean

Every year
I find myself saying
I'm never going back home
And every year
Unwittingly
I find myself on the return flight home

Today I don't want to open my eyes
But I do
And the world still remains the same as if I never had

Dear Baby,
I wish I had worked harder for you
So I could sit with you every day
Brushing hairs from your sweet face
I love you
My back hurts
My bones ache
I wish I had been smarter for you

A thousand other universes
Where your finger tips
Brush my finger tips

I wish I was there staring up at your ceiling
Breathing your air

Buy me one more day
Cant be anywhere other than there

You'd never recognize me now

I still think about you,
After all these years.

There has to be more to
Life
Than what I will spend it on
For a paycheck

I wish I had
A little more
Time to choose

In this life I was destined,
To never know you,
Or spend moments with you but,
God,
That didnt stop me
From wanting
To.

Too use to the
Pain
You and everyone else
Has caused me
I cant cry anymore
I cant cry
I feel the hollow spot
Sit
In my chest

Things break
Just as carefully
As they were made

I have nothing to say
When I
Am this way

I cant muster the energy to look
At myself in the mirror
But people still expect me
To lift my feet
To lift my head
And
Smile

I wont wash a dish,
I certainly dont look at the clothes,
I cancel my plans last minute when I should have just said no,
I think my friends are conspiring against me,
And I cant leave my husband alone, what if he finds someone else better equip for our home.

I cant muster the energy to look at myself in the mirror,
But I still get up,
I still get up and go to work,
I am just waiting for the time
Time to pass me by

I'm running out of energy for these cycles
Im running out of energy waiting on my energy
I am in deep water, with crashing waves
Everytime I stand
I am knocked back down
Gulping for air
Only getting more water
Waiting to tumble back to the surface

I cant muster the energy to look at myself in the ******* mirror.

I just want to
Lay in bed
All day
Sleep, sleep, sleep
Away

Though the setting may change

The background remains the same

I dont care what time you come home tonight

Or if you call me

My heart knows that you

Lie

Lie

Lie

You are a liar

I have no words
When you lie
Here I sit
Stupid
You hate me
I get it
I have no words
So I'll sit here while you scream and yell
Drop it, just forget it, it's not even a big deal
I have no more words
I give up on you
I give up on you

Depression peeking as the sun recedes more frequently; I am trying to stand on my own, trying to make my own home.

Buy me a ******* ticket, I want to leave.

But I want to take him with me.

But I love you.

Then I remember it's all not me; my whole life is a mirage with me in between in the desert.

I hate my brain, I hate my pain, I hate the way I want to stay ******* sane.