somehow your words struck such a
chord within me,
those delicate sentences strung together with
pure emotion i wonder
how the same 26 letters could create
something the complete opposite.
you took your hands and
pried your chest open,
showed me the heart inside, showed me
what that heart beats for
while making it clear
it doesn't beat for me.
-a.c.b

you told em you loved me today
my first instinct was to deny it, there's no possible way
you repeated yourself once more and i shot it down again
you looked destroyed when i told you you didn't love me, there's no possible way
you insisted you did, reminding me you tell me all the time
but texting and physically saying that time old phrase aren't remotely related
you told me you loved me today
and i nearly died
why can't i accept your i love you when i used to crave it?

i see visions of you in my subconscious,
words tumbling out when i see your face,
fumbling to find
the proper adjectives to describe you
i can’t
because there is no one on this planet
who can love me so intangibly,
so inarguably i can't
even focus because you’re always on my mind,
every other thought tinted cerulean,
every thought turned
patterns of your words so weaved into
my life i thank you
for being the one constant in my life,
so consistent in bringing me up
from the depths of my own darkness i don’t mind
that the pain is draped over my heart when
your face is draped over my mind.
-a.c.b

the pain is draped
over my heart, squeezing
more than a tug,
snapping, the heartstrings break
one by one.
and one by one,
my insecurities come hurtling at me
from where they were protected,
locked away by your words,
now bursting at the seams to remind me
how weak i truly am.
-a.c.b

In flirtatious quiet
we dodge eye contact
and escape studious looks
in hope that one might fall in love
with the other without even a single word.

i slept with my phone on last night
clutched it tight in my hand as i tried to fall asleep
regretting the topic i brought up but hoping to feel the heartbeat simulation
the vibration set to your contact buzz in the palm of my hand
waiting for answers knowing that you weren’t doing the same when i wasn’t replying
realising that i have destroyed any possible non platonic feeling you have for me by bringing up the pain that’s festered inside for three weeks
i slept with three blankets on last night
still shivering cold from anxiety
the cold didn’t vanish even when i added more blankets
i slept with a hope last night
a hope that you’d realise in the morning that even after this fight i’m still worth it
a hope that your fear of committing would vanish and you’d come to your senses
i still hold the hope tight, as i did my phone when i fell asleep last night.