Chocolate ice cream running
down my pudgy chin
licking it up quickly
like it's liquid sin

This sweet stuff really makes me
do a little dance
but my *** is spreading
in my yoga pants

I'm gonna have to stop it
and put it down for good
even though I hate to
I know I really should

I'll eat it in the morning
and then again at night
it's no ****** wonder
my pants are getting tight

I could pray to God in heaven
make a wish upon the moon
or stop being so lazy
and just put down the spoon

You carried me for nine months
inside of your womb
It wasn't an easy pregnancy
of this you may presume

Thank you for changing me
when my diapers were soiled
and for the time you spent holding me
All the time you toiled

When it was time for me to go to school
I really screamed and cried
It's because I love you
I didn't want to leave your side

Then when I became a teen
I seemed to find trouble
But you never let it get to me
protected by your bubble

I went and joined the army
on this you would cry
I told you not to worry
You were afraid that I would die

After I got married
what a grandmother you would make
But for you the Lord had other plans
Up to heaven He would take

The pain has lessened
slowly through the years
All except Mothers Day
That's a day filled with tears

Sitting by the window
of a one engine plane
Thinking to myself
this is insane

The instructor got up
and opened the door
“Step up to the line”
marked on the floor

Jump off the edge
hands by your side
Falling so quick
like a bird I will glide

The wind whistling in my ears
sounding like a flute
Now the time has come
to open up my chute

Body rips violently
up towards the sky
Glad that it opened
now I won't die

Spiraling down
without saying a word
Knowing what it feels like
to fly like a bird

Before you know it
here comes the ground
Make a soft landing
without making a sound

Back to the hanger
my chute I will tote
I'd do it again
If I get to vote

I have rose petals in a jar
From a time I'd like to forget.
Tears stained red
Monsters in my bed
Broken down beauties
Locked in an airtight tomb
With clear walls
Forced to witness every heartbreak
And every sleepless night
How I wish I could stow it away
Leave it in a box on the top shelf
Of an old dusty closet
To remain there in perpetuity
But I could not bring myself
To rid of these darling petals
Though they’re from a time I’d like to forget
They serve as a grim reminder
Never to return to the hell-hole
Which I crawled out of
With jar-in-hand.