When I join something
Or get motivated to do something
You are there

To tell me that I am bad at this
Bad at that

You don't control me, SIR.
No one ever does,
No one ever did.....

Not until I started falling..
Falling into an infinite abyss
Of darkness and loneliness

It was horrible
It still is.
Because i am still falling
and failing to grab to anything.
I keep falling..
Having thoughts to end it for myself
But can I do it??
Whilst in an abyss??
*Can I?

Hot chocolate
on a cold night
full moon in the night sky
and friends all around

Its supposed to be beautiful
Its supposed to enchant you
and make you want for more

But.... *does it actually?

It does. It does. It does.
You can't help it
You can only prolong it
I don't know why you would

WHY! Does it have to come to an end!

"What weapons may I use?"
He asked,
"Anyone and anything you like,
knives are in the front,
guns in the back"
He replied.

"Knives.."
"They are the sharpest,
can cut through steel."
"...knives..."
"Sir, I believe something is wrong.
Please..., be quick"
".......knives"

He said and then fainted
Shopkeeper put him on a bed
and found scars on the boy's arm
long scars,
going from shoulder to wrist..
..they were on both hands
and the part between the wrist and elbow
were scarred so bad,
you were scared to touch the skin
then.. it hit him
The boy wanted to run away
from this world
and he didn't know where to stop and lay his head down
and he had chosen the shop
to symbolize that it had given him
relief in times of stress and horrible emotions
he wanted to be back from where he started
thus, he had laid, fallen, while talking
and there was nothing that could be done

You owe me an apology,
For trying to do things...
Things that are considered "uncivilized"

Why? PERVERSENESS
We were doing those "unwanted" things...
You were encouraging them.

But then you had that idea..
To leave me behind..
Again

I am still waiting for you,
Waiting for you to come back
So you can deliver the apology
And we can be best friends again.

I provide a sample
of my love for you

Its so simple
you'll be marveled

Well, not really..
Its just excuses to
be around you..

.. its just love
which draws me closer to you..

So here we are again,
sitting by our fireplaces
waiting for yet another story to be told
waiting for yet another mystery to be solved
a mystery of politicians corrupting the world
and while you are wondering the answer to the above questions
I will start the story for tonight....


This story begins from a myth that is made by the story tellers worldwide.
Its about cats...
If this raises suspicions then it will be all the more better.
Cats are the feline masters
Smallest in their family of cats
and the most agile pet they roam where it pleases them
but this one cat Oscar was very different
This cat liked to drink blood instead of the usual water
It killed more mice than ANY other cat in town
This was very strange because, well... its a house cat
House cats don't **** mice...


But because the cat loved blood so much,
It sometimes went out of bounds and killed a few humans.
And once a person saw him attack a human
He rushed to his help a little bit late
The human died on the spot
Though it was considered abnormal behavior
it was ignored.....


Months later people kept reporting being attacked by CATS
everyone who owned a cat was supposed to either exterminate it
OR
give it to the government
EVERYONE chose the latter thinking it would save their "precious" cats' life
Little did they know those cats would be used for experiments


Years later,
The Government published their article of "Why the cats behaved the way they behaved"
All the previous cat owners read it over and over
trying to console themselves saying - "It's just a disease, it's just a disease"
But the Government had forgotten to take ONE cat
The very cat that had caused this trouble
They had forgotten to test...
And it was this cat that managed to ask the other cats to help it overthrow the Government
because of its wrong publications about science on cats.
Their plan was almost immediately foiled because the cats were killed on the very day their plan was supposed to take effect.
and while this cat (Oscar) isn't remembered today
We need to remember him,
because he was one of the first of his kind of rebellers.
The first...

Can you brave it out and ask the question
to that unknown person on that park bench?
He possesses the answers to your questions
He is a living ghost
unknown by the outer world
left for dead by the inner world
But! He will answer your questions
For he doesn't want you to be like him
He can see through you
You just need to be brave, and ask him
For he is ready to sacrifice himself
For anyone, At anytime

Its a lie.
It wasn't meant for me
I thought it was
It wasn't though
and it wont be
I cant be a center of life
for anyone...
Not even myself.
Center of life..
ha!
Not even close to the center for that matter.

I want to be alive and not be indifferent to love, but c'est la vie.
I want to love a wonderful person but they do not want me around them but c'est la vie.
I want to be an amazing person who is really nice and fun to be around, but my negativity brings everything down and c'est la vie.
I don't like myself for that but c'est la vie.

But I still hope to make it through
just for 4 more days
until the end of the year
so I could run
and try to forget my emotions for a brief moment

I realized that
i am becoming this
attention requiring
love desperate kid

only because i am letting myself

what about those who do
love you? you are doing them an injustice

to those people
i know i am
i have messed up
so much of that
that i cannot face it
i cannot
which is why
....

So. Tired.
Must. Stay. Awake.
I. Promised.... you.........

Z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.

****, fine. 5 minutes....

Z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z

Today.
I looked into some
Crystal clear blue eyes
Yes. They did remind me of you
But I decided not to dwell on that

And.. I have also realized that
Loving someone..
Isn't the same
I realize that you read
These well-penned verses
But, you are missing the point
These aren't all of my emotions.










just...
Most of them.

You know
I found out
I have
dead imagination??

This is a serious problem
someone killed it
I don't know who
But someone did
and that's a problem
Need to revive my imagination
need to draw, paint, play

Revive  *it

Oh the delicious cheese!
Its soo tasty!
so.....
different
so..
extraordinary

Its comes with toppings!
to help you eat more

so you can be satisfied
and hopefully not hungry anymore
they bring it to you
on time

so you can enjoy the deliciousness
of this modern marvel.

Enjoy
and eat more.

Love is such a bad thing
I had to use hyped powers
to show that I was fine, when i was not

Everything decides to go ape-****
all the **** time

This is annoying

I like you! Please. How many times do i need to do this?
Give me a specific number and stop hating passionately.

It pains to know that I like you
but finding out that you hate me

have i found you?
have i finally found love?
after a long time of nothingness
is this it?

a person
who actually sees the true me?
a person who gives me butterflies,
when I talk to them
someone I can take to the Netherlands with me?
Or just talk about the most random things
and it would still be okay

Have I found thee?
Or am I hallucinating?
I feel like I found you
A magnificent person
An indescribable human being
With great intelligence
Who enjoys being themselves
And doesn't mind talking to a lame kid
I think you are it
I feel like I found someone
To obsess over

This whole system
where
hating yourself
or trying to **** yourself
is more accepted
than loving yourself?

I am not just being cynical
I am trying to provoke thoughts
no-one is taking any action on this
that people find it more
socially acceptable
saying you are suicidal
than they do when you say
"i love myself"

I find it wrong
but i can't do anything about it
can i.

Sorry for the lack of anything.
I am going crazy
you know
new year
and other fun stuff
:)



Enjoy your year










The page is 1/365
Write a new story worth reading. I promise it will be interesting, and also trudge through another year again, please. Don't **** yourself. I know i want to. But, again. I made it through you can as well. So, please. Go onwards to glory and live another year! *DO EET!!!

Let's go
Let's get it going
We are en route to lovecity!!

Everyone loves each other there
and they enjoy it
Everyone's beautiful
Including you
Yes, you

Over there
In lovecity
I can be Romeo and you
can be Juliet
or any other characters from
a romance story

Over there
In lovecity
You can have dances
every weekend
to celebrate your love
and to celebrate the occasion

Explain to me
What love means?
Is it talking to you when you are feeling sad?
Or
Is it helping you through your suffering?

I feel dead with the pain
that i am going through with
no dreaming
no sanity
only pain
relentless and numbing pain

I am going dead
I am dying with this
just,
i don't want to die.

You are the one I love,
Then tell him so.
Tell Tom that you don't love him
Just LEAVE HIM

No, I cannot.
Because I love both of you!

Stop romanticizing the past either.
Its gone, I know you want to erase it
but its gone, its the past.
Just lets live together.
Please. We can do this.

*A part of the whole play