Its 4 A.M once again
It seems as though you are my only friend.
My other friends ran away
They became attached to the day.

My heart is a broken place
laced with spider webs, from the day
you crawled inside, and decided to play
with all the strings
the day you saw what lies below
the spiderwebs, a broken home
you took out a knife and cut
through each string
my chest still stings.
once the deed was done,
you left my heart,
now a lonely one
at least now I can say
goodbye with a reason
it won't be long

Personally, when I write something there's around five thoughts buzzing around in my head- sometimes more. They can be relevant or not.
We're always thinking of something, weather it be song lyrics stuck in your head, or you're thinking of someone, you're always thinking.
It bothers me. Because I have a habit of overthinking, and scaring myself into no sleep. then overthinking again, because of sleep deprivation.
Sleep is an anathema to me, because it can go two ways; I sleep for a good seven hours, and have an okay day, or I sleep for three hours, and feel like death itself in the morning.

The choice is yours, stay alive, or die.
You have completely 100% control over yourself, and what do you do with it?
You overlook it.
While walking, you have the choice to walk in front of a moving car.
But You don't.
Because You don't want to hurt the person driving
If you are the person driving
You could swerve into the next lane, and crash- make it look like an accident.
but again, you don't
you don't do it because other people can get hurt.
or maybe you fear what people will think.
"attention seeker" some may think
but that's not the case.
its never the case.
That's why suicide notes are a thing
to answer all of your questions.

Please stop faking personality
please stop faking anxiety
please
Please stop faking self harm
please stop romanticizing
please don't say we aren't trying
this is for the ones who aren't lying.

Trapped behind a wall, calling out
Trying to escape this mess of all my pain.
I'ts closing in on me and I have no air
can't someone bring me from my nightmare.

Remember the moment you left me alone and
Broke every promise you ever made
I was an ocean, lost in the open
Nothing could take the pain away
So you can throw me to the wolves
Tomorrow I will come back
Leader of the whole pack
Beat me black and blue
Every wound will shape me
Every scar will build my throne

You will never know what's behind my skull
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.

You will never know what's under my hair
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.

You will never know what's under my skin
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.

You will never know what is in my veins
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.

Won't you go to someone else's dreams
Won't you go to someone else's head
Haven't you taken enough from me
Won't you torture someone else's sleep?

And you will never know what I'm thinking of
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye

I just looked on my phone one day
"hey"
I honestly didn't know weather to answer or not.
But I did
I legit said 'hi' back and you said such sweet things to me. you never know how much it can make someone's day by doing that. I saw some of your poems and you are honestly a great writer. I hope we can be internet friends or something because you are awesome...
You deserve so much more than my sucky poem but whatever :))
thank you for making my day, Carson
-Vianna

What if my poems are bad?
what if they're too sad?
Am I being too dramatic?
oh, my i'm frantic.
Why do I doubt myself so much?
no one has ever said I should do such
but maybe its my head
saying
"listen to me instead"
My mind is a place I could always trust
with secrets large and small
But that secret keeping diary
is now gone.

If you don't talk
you write
if you don't write
you think
and if you think too much
you die.
Please find a way to write or talk.

I try desperately to run through the sand
As I hold the water in the palm of my hand
'Cause it's all that I have and it's all that I need and
The waves of the water mean nothing to me
But I try my best and all that I can
To hold tightly onto what's left in my hand
But no matter how, how tightly I will strain
The sand will slow me down and the water will drain
I'm just being dramatic, in fact, I'm only at it again
As an addict with a pen, who's addicted to the wind
As it blows me back and forth, mindless, spineless, and pretend
Of course I'll be here again, see you tomorrow, but it's the end of today
End of my ways as a walking denial
My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case
But you specialize in dying, you hear me screaming "father"
And I'm lying here just crying, so wash me with your water
- Twenty one pilots

Nobody thinks what I think
Nobody dreams when they blink
Think things on the brink of blasphemy
I'm my own shrink
Think things are after me, my catastrophe
I'm a kitchen sink
You don't know what that means
Because a kitchen sink to you
Is not a kitchen sink to me, okay, friend?
Are you searching for purpose?
Then write something, yeah it might be worthless
Then paint something then, it might be wordless
Pointless curses, nonsense verses
You'll see purpose start to surface
No one else is dealing with your demons
Meaning maybe defeating them
Could be the beginning of your meaning, friend
-Twenty One pilots

What they're trying to say, is that, when you feel that life has no purpose, and aren't living for anything anymore, then make something, weather it be, a poem, a song, a painting, or anything. As long as it matters to you, and you know what it means, then you have purpose, because if you die, then who else is gonna know what it means to you?

Depression isn't a pretty girl with a flawless face crying
Depression isn't a bad day
Depression isn't grief from a loss of a loved one
Depression isn't a thing
Depression is the loss of something
Depression is the loss of happiness
Depression is where you lose yourself
and try to find yourself within your skin.

If you asked me my mood today  
I couldn't answer
If you asked me "how have you been"
I would lie
because lying
is an alternative to dying
and reassuring yourself that you'll be alright.