and with a ghost
I lie awake all day
just to stroke his head
and late at night I swallow pills
to put myself to bed
3 am I lie awake
fighting the feeling
as you begin fade away
the rest of the ghosts
come out to play

I wish you could have stayed

you found me
in the drunkest slum
of my life, an alleyway
of my broken dreams
glittering like my eyes on you
the night you fell asleep beside me

I lost you
my eyes grew vacant
somewhere between blood
on the pages, ego in the dirt
innocence burning up
and exploding like fireworks
you lost me somewhere
as everything became a blur
on an uncharted trip to hell and back

I’m still trying to find my way back
I’m still knocking on heavens door
I used to have wings but
the angels don’t believe me

please just believe me

why fall in love
when you can fall out of trees?
why cut yourself when you can
run around and skin your knees?
why do we grow up in such a rush?
innocence grinded down
with the pills we crush
why is it all too much?
story after story with such and such
we fall apart, we fall together
and forget that life is about creating something immortal, something hands cannot touch

I lock myself in my little cell
a princess in a tower, but this is hell
and I don’t gaze out the window yonder
I just sing in the shower, ponder
with stewing sorrow
until tomorrow
my bones are aching
my heart is breaking
as I lose power, my soul devoured
amiss this wasteland of slush and ash
sends my spirits dwindling
with my demons, now dashed
under my skin, rusted blade
buried with all of
my darkest sins; this hell I made

I stood alone in my cold tomb
I wanted to pick everything up
and bleed myself dry with unrequited love,
fix every broken winged bird I set free too soon,
erase these voids, sew myself back together, somehow
my heart had become this open cage where dark beasts
laid their heads to rest, only for a night at a time
tried as I may, nothing ever stayed
but I awoke with the same haunting feeling
love in the past tense; a lingering suspense
dawn brings black coffee, another cigarette
another impeding sense of doom

the people I thought I knew became a gallery of dimly lit bulbs in the distance, a burnt out fire that I let down- or perhaps it was the storm

my eyes were blinded by the ice
I knew the worst was yet to come
I turned and no one was beside me
I carried on, my eyes locked on a promising chandelier;
the hidden sun in the distant months to come

seep through your fingers like time;
the sands of an hour glass that came with the board game
blood staining your fists, my wrists
the mattress soaked in summer sins

my innocence as dead as the stars above
my heart that could never beat out of love