Cold white layers pile over the grey concrete
I did not expect the storm but I
Needed to face the journey
Someday
We knew it could not last forever

And in that moment
An accident in my vision,
Maybe the music screaming into my ear
Distracted me from the obvious truth that lie
Just through the windowpane
Leading to a collision straight into reality

Your words, the concrete divider
That hit hard enough to take deep damage
Yet not hard enough to stop me from moving forward
The unexpected truth that came at the least expected moment
My ignorance overlooked the obvious signs
That i could not stay safe forever
Not at the speed we drove..

My skin hugged my knuckles tightly
Enough to match the descending snow
As I knew from the first swerve
Your first word
That inevitable fate
I surely faced
Death loomed close in my mind

But I drove on
Grabbed the wheel and forced my way through
The place where I felt nearest to the grave
Until I reached a safe enough space to see for myself
Just how much damage I endured

And, like my car,
I am totaled
Broken into pieces that cannot be reframed
Some lost at the point of collision
Others gradually passing over time
And some still holding on

In the eyes of an astonished mechanic
The car shouldn't even start
And according to everyone else
I should be dead
But I'm not

And though neither the car
Or my own life will ever fully
return to their original condition
We still drive on
Moving forward on the unpredictable
Icy
Deadly
Highway of life

Selfish ******* around me its suffocating
Thats why we cant get no where as a people its aggravating
Im at a point where if i can't trust em **** em
or ill treat them like the trash they are thats on them
im a survivior and ill protect whats mine at all times
doing whats necessary to find a solution even if im blind
to the consequences of my hateful actions
reactions to my evil ways gives me satisfaction
the bashin i do results in my enemies becoming ashes
so the clashing between us leaves me no air asthmatic
(Takes a deep breath)
Thats a load off
Let me unwind and take my shirt off
first off im a real dude with a ******* problem
America put me on top then changed me to the bottom
No fame its ok no change its strange
No play no way  black pride all day
Now as I go
Being Hateful is easy and know where near hard to show

Sometimes i wish
i could wake up and just forget.
For one day, id like to forget...

To not have to explain why i lash out
To not have to explain why i cant trust you
To not have to explain why i see something or hear something and burst into tears
To not have to explain why when you have feelings for me, i run as far as i can.
To not have to explain why when you give me kindness, i return it with distrust.
To not have to explain why my feelings for you scare me.
To not have to explain that im still stuck in that abuse, that im trapped. Scared all the time.
To not have to explain why i have nightmares, so scared to wake up in that house again.
To not have to explain my personal ache that i cant ever escape, not even in dreams.
To not have to explain that i still remember every little thing.
Every battle fought
Every piece lost
Every tear i shed...
To not have to explain that i am a domestic abuse survivior.