on the way
to return sociology
to the library
i couldn't read the parking signs
so ended blocks away
at a salvation army
the kind with no books for sale
but an elevator shaft
running up, down
behind a drum-set altar
and a stage i didn't buy.
half-expecting 'the war room' ads
posted here as well
i let a stranger lead me to my muse
saying none would mind
Chuck asked me if i 'needed to pray this morning'
before unlocking -
i said, 'every day' but thought
not in his way
- i'm just begging him to play.
i read a psalm and kneel to test hypocrisy.
lotus palms connote release from suffering
wellness for all beings
i am here now
at the keyboard again
playing music i will never forget
even when my chainsaw body stiffens creaks
the keys a saving home still though shy
they hammer heart strings
broken, born -again again again.
praeludium, goldberg, well-tempered
minuets conjure Bach
in his stone church
and i cry for lost souls
my own lostness found
though convinced there is no static single 'self'
no 'soul'-rewarded other-life to justify our own
no 'god'- or science-demolished mystery
no metaphysic causa sui to separate
contempus mundi from the mundi...
no tidy verbal 'beyond beyond'
but that of Thales Sappho Gautama
Duns Scotus Hume
Blake Whitman Darwin
Nietzsche Du Bois
Tolkien Stein Merleau-Ponty Sagan Jong
but i will say we've sung the music of the spheres
in host-guest handshakes
stranger xenophilic tunes
my earthling family hums my heart anew
as i begin again
to sing my being into fingertips
skyward breath to lid-closed harmonies of hell redeemed
in Peter's vacuuming
request for 'Dixieland'
and Stacy's parting thanks
for 'we three kings'
Ruth's morning-making compliments and invitation back
my wish to share with them the love i feel
- from them, Gaskell's book
from deep within where no words win
authentic ownmost ocean depth of
less contingent love
historically embracing love
of errancy and freedom in our different loves
an atheist in love with vacuums
saucha and the music of human kindness
receiving gifts in giving thanks
saucha is a sanskrit, yogic term for purity/cleanliness
'contemptus mundi' is a medieval concept meaning 'contempt for the world' integral to religious escapism and ecological dominionism
he said i had 40 minutes
before the cleaning begins
my mother used to use the vacuum to put me to sleep
the puritanical element, cultural currency/status symbol of driving a recycled prius (totaled and rebuilt); ecology as the new global "religion" the cons of which are hard for me to digest, let alone admit, being an environmentalist, and of an ecological mindset
the first ad i saw for "the war room" was on another church's double-door