There's popcorn on the ceiling,
a million bajillion clusters that I've spent days trying to count.
In the 1950's these ceilings exploded into popularity.
And until 1977, homeowners blasted asbestos covered popcorn toward the sky, letting mesothelioma fibers fall back to their floor like it was harmless dust.
I take a deep breath, letting the air settle deep in my chest before letting it back out.
My ceiling is probably not made of asbestos.
It's probably styrofoam or some other cheap, paper-based product.
I take another deep breath.
The EPA banned the use of asbestos in these ceilings.
Apparently, inhaled in large quantities, asbestos causes lung disease, lung scarring, and lung cancer.
Another deep, deep breath.
I continue counting the probably not cancer causing popcorn.
I wonder if I would be able to feel the particles swimming in my lungs like fiber glass–thin, delicate, sharp.
I wonder if it would **** me.
I wonder if my family would file a claim like you see on those old commercials screaming,
"If you or a loved one developed mesothelioma you, yes you, could be entitled to compensation."
Or, something like that.
Breathe.
The air tastes funny.
My ceiling is most likely not made of asbestos.
But, I probably wouldn't care if it was.

Cancer & vaccination quotes
Quotes  Cancer and vaccines  Leukemia & lymphoma

Polio vaccine contamination with SV40
Childhood diseases prevent cancer:

Another practitioner, Dr. W. B. Clarke of Indiana, finds that "Cancer was practically unknown until compulsory vaccination with cowpox vaccine began to be introduced. I have had to deal with at least two hundred cases of cancer, and I never saw a case of cancer in an unvaccinated person."--Eustace Mullins

In an "In Memoriam" notice in a local paper, in November 1942, it was stated that William Martin Graham, Bowness Farm, Bowness, Wigton, aged four years, had died on 13 November 1941, from inoculation. The cause of death, which occurred five months after inoculation, had been certified as acute lymphatic Leukemia. The Truth About Vaccination and Immunization by Lily Loat

"The chief, if not the sole, cause of the monstrous increase in cancer has been vaccination." - Dr. Robert Bell; V. President International Society for Cancer Research, British Cancer Hospital.

My son was diagnosed with acute lymphablastic leukaemia (ALL) ten days or so post-MMR dose. I realise this is not one of the side-effects that you mentioned. I have been reassured many times that it had nothing to do with triggering ALL. My son is alive, 19 now and persevering against side-effects of treatment 18 years ago. Jessica Mullan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA 09.03.07 [2007] Parliament was given false MMR assurance

   Mr. J. Jackson Clarke, M.B. (Lond.), F.R.C.S., &c, the distinguished surgeon, when recently describing experiments in vaccination on the cornea, refers to the resulting "now well-known bodies " which "recall the bodies Russell described in cancer in 1890." Mr. Jackson Clarke further states that the bodies seen in the vaccinated cornea are closely similar in their appearance to those described as protozoa in cancer.
    General Phelps, in a paper read at the Glasgow meeting of the National Anti-Vaccination League, held in November, 1903, says : " Monckton-Copeman and Mann, writing on vaccine lesions in skin, observes : 'Clarke rightly points out that many cells appear similar to those found  in cancer.' " [1921] Vaccination and the State By Arnold Lupton MP.

Dr. Tennison Deane of San Francisco, in his Crime of Vaccination, tells a remarkable story illustrative of this truth.
    Dr. Deane relates that he was summering in Northern California in the late 80's, near a wealthy ranchman who lived with his wife and seven children on a 10,000-acre ranch in a salubrious pine region, 15 miles from the nearest town and having no adjacent neighbors. With him on the ranch at that time was a ***** foreman who also had a wife and five children. Until Dr. Deane appeared on the scene, none of these 16 persons—white nor black—had ever been vaccinated.
    As a zealous young practitioner, very close to his medical school traditions, Dr. Deane quickly warned these ranch-dwellers of their "unprotected" state and was able to persuade six of the sixteen—the farmer's wife and three children, the ***** foreman and his 12-year-old son—to submit to the vaccinating operation. "A year later," writes Dr. Deane, "an epidemic of sore throats broke out in this ranch colony which developed into diphtheria in four of the vaccinated, among them the farmer's wife, and one child died. The unvaccinated recovered rapidly from their sore throats, but the farmer's wife was paralyzed for a year and eleven years later died of cancer."
    It seems that the San Francisco physician was so impressed by this unexpected turn of his well-intentioned vaccinating zeal, that he not only kept tab on the subsequent history of the two families on the northern ranch, but watched the connection between vaccination and other maladies occurring in his general practice. He learned that the other four persons whom he had vaccinated on the ranch all died either of tuberculosis or cancer within four to twenty-two years from the date of vaccination, while none of the unvaccinated in either family died within that period except the white farmer who, he says, "died of old age."
    Dr. Deane relates that for many years after this early experience with vaccination on the Northern California ranch, when a patient came to him with any serious throat, bronchial or pulmonary trouble, he made a point of inquiring into his past history, and invariably he found a back-ground of calf-pus "immunization" against smallpox. Then when he felt he had sufficient data to warrant it, he published The Crime of Vaccination (in 1913), which brought down on him the wrath of his medical colleagues, and made his professional life in San Francisco so unhappy that he voluntarily withdrew from all medical assemblages and finally abandoned all medical practice except surgery. Hale, Annie Riley. The Medical Voodoo. New York: Gotham House, 1936.

"My site has several articles by the Nobel Laureate Alexis Carrel regarding injections of highly dilute poisons, similar to formaldehyde in Salk vaccine, which was 1:4000 concentration. Carrel injected carcinogens at 1:5000 to 1:250000 and caused reliably, cancer in chickens."---Jim West (Harpub) www.geocities.com/harpub  

"The big question everyone seems to avoid is:  Can vaccines cause cancer? There is certainly  evidence connecting contaminated vaccines to AIDS. And *** is a cancer-causing  virus. Robert Gallo, the co-discoverer of *** in 1984, has clearly stated AIDS is an epidemic of cancer.    Animal and avian viruses can contaminate vaccines and have all been studied as cancer-causing  agents. And cancer  and vaccine research would be much more difficult without the use of cell lines, some of which are derived from cancer."--Dr Cantwell

"Had my mother and father known that the poliovirus vaccines of the 1950s were heavily contaminated with more than 26 monkey viruses, including the cancer virus SV40, I can say with certainty that they would not have allowed their children and themselves to take those vaccines.  Both of my parents might not have developed cancers suspected of being vaccine-related, and might even be alive today. "--Dr Urnovitz

"MY DAUGHTER had the MMR booster at four and her arm immediately swelled up and she started to feel unwell. Within six weeks, she was diagnosed as having leukaemia, and the doctors we spoke to accepted that the MMR jab was probably the trigger for the disease by overloading her immune system."--Media letter

"A study by Ronne (Lancet, 5/5/85 1-5) showed that adults who had had natural measles with a rash had a decreased incidence of various cancers, including cervical. Another study showed that women are less likely to contract ovarian cancer if they have had mumps during childhood."--Dr Jayne Donegan

"Vaccination and sulpha drugs have been recognised as being directly responsible for the production of leukemia in humans."---Dr B. Duperrat of the Saint-Louis Hospital in Paris, writing in the French medical journal Presse Medicale, march 12, 1955.

"All vaccination has the effect of directing the three values of the blood into or toward the zone characteristics of cancer and leukaemia...Vaccines do predispose to cancer and leukaemia." Professor L. Vincent - founder of Bioelectronics

"Already published reports, as well as our own observations indicate that smallpox vaccination sometimes produces manifestations of leukemia.  In children and adults observed in the clinics of Cracow, smallpox vaccination has been followed by violent local and general reactions and by leukemia."---Professors Julian Aleksandrowickz and Boguslave Halileokowski of the Medical Academy of Cracow, Poland wrote as reported in Lancet, May 6, 1967.

"Many here voice a silent view that the Salk and Sabin vaccine, being made of monkey kidney tissue....has been directly responsible for the major increase in leukemia in this country"---Dr Klenner, M.D.

"Within a few years of the polio vaccine we started seeing some strange phenomena like the year before the first 300,000 doses were given in the United States childhood leukaemia had never struck in children under the age of two. One year after the first onslaught they had the first cases of children under the age of two that died of leukaemia........ Dr Herbert Radnor observed that in a small area of this little town, in an area where no cases of leukaemia had been expected or at the most one in 4 years according to previous statistics, they suddenly had a rash like an epidemic within a few blocks"---Dr Snead

"He (Moskowitz MD) also suggests a link between whooping cough vaccine and leukaemia — an association he supports with case histories from his own practice and with other clinical data."---Media article

"Most infants have been receiving up to 15 doses of mercury-containing vaccines by the time they are 6 months old. It is almost inconceivable that these heavy burdens of foreign immunologic materials, introduced into the immature systems of children, could fail to bring about disruptions and adverse reactions in these in these systems."--Harold Buttram MD

Polio vaccine contamination with SV40:
"Stanley Kops....has produced proof positive that the oral polio vaccine has always been contaminated with SV-40, a monkey virus which has been linked by the FDA and other organisations with cancers such as mesothelioma and meduloblastoma. Since 1963, we have been assured that polio vaccines have not contained this deadly contaminant. Stanley Kops shows that not only is this not the case, but that the vaccine regulators who are charged with keeping our families safe, have known all along that SV-40 was never removed from vaccines."----Meryl W. Dorey

Childhood diseases prevent cancer [Homeopathy and Measles]
"On the basis of observations by the Vienna surgeon Professor Schmidt, which took place over decades in his practice 16, studies in the last 100 years have shown consistently that people who experienced childhood diseases accompanied by fever were less likely to suffer from cancer in later life 17, 18,19,20."---Anita Petek-Dimmer

A circle is round.
It has no ends.
Thats how long I've been living with Mesothelioma.

I dont remember the first time we spoke,
or the last but I remember all the times in between,
I remember my birthday in Pre K when you came to visit me for lunch because my mother couldnt,
I remember when you first taught me the "hambone song" and every easter egg hunt, every ripped open christmas gift, I remember every picture on the walls and the smell of your cologne,
I remember the first time I heard you had cancer,
I didnt know what it meant,
but I cried,
I cried because I also remembered my moms best friend being the first death I wtinessed because of whatever cancer was,
I remembered her skinny body getting thinner and thinner as the cancer weathered her away and I remember my mom crying at the funeral but I was too confused and scared to cry,
now hearing that this disease was inside the only respectable male figure in my life at the time was terrifying,
then I remember learning it was only in your finger and they simply removed it and that was that, I wasnt sure why it didnt work that way with Darlene.
I remember all the jokes you used to make and how everyone had a nickname,
I remember how you made the best breakfast anywhere ever,
I remember your cataract surgery, I remember every hopsital visit I was present for and i remember the pain you went through when your wife of 55 years died of a heart attack, the wife you fed cleaned and clothed because her mental capacity had been severly hindered by annurisms and strokes past, and who you loved till the very end.
I remember that funeral making more sense and the whole death thing being alot easier to grasp,
I cried at that one.
I remember the second time I heard you had cancer,
in the same finger,
and they removed it the same way.
I remember you driving an hour from new orleans just to bring us satsumas and make my mom laugh,
I remember the third time they said you had cancer and it was something worse,
in your lungs,
and it was some monster with a name I was familiar with from tv,
mesothelioma, I remember them saying you had no more than 6 months to live and I was only a freshman then with no respect for authority and no understanding of the importance of appreciating your time with people,
I remember the law suits,
I remember you paying off our house,
and our land note,
and I remember you being so sick at one point you couldnt leave your bed,
there was liquid pooling in your lungs and weighing them down on your spina nd I can only imagine that feels like having glass shoved throgh your back from the inside out,
you layed and bore it for days with the pain medication,
you took so much you couldnt really function, just to avoid the pain, and it want really working..
I remember my aunt walking in on you trying to load your revolver and having to wrestle it from your hands,
my aunt told me in tears that you asked her to let you **** yourself,
I remember you getting better when they put some talc in your lungs to absorb the liquid,
and you got better.
well for a couple months,
and things seemed to be looking up,
but then it came back in full force,
and I guess at this point you deserved the rest,
i remember looking at your body in the casket and thinking
"this is the last time ill see you?  thats not fair"
I remember looking around the room at family and friends I had never met and thinking of all the people you were leaving behind and sobbing because it was not ******* fair,
I remember your mother having to bury you in her 99th year on earth,
I remember your casket being closed and the poems my cousins read but I was too shy to write,
I remember riding in the limo on the way to bury you and how we all joked to keep our mind off it,
and I remember wanting to ***** as my stomach twisted watching your coffin be placed into your grave next to the wife you married as a ahandsome young man with your whole life ahead of you,
I thought in that moment if you knew all the lives youd effect or create,
I just wanted to say thankyou because I never did and now I couldnt ever.
like I said I dont remember the first time or last time we spoke but I remember everything in between and not even death can take those memories from me I will drag them to the bottom of hell with me if I have to.

Oppenheimer knelt before death as the destroyer of worlds.
He was anointed, and found guilty
The curse to challenge and defy Death's wisdom and mercy...
To usurp "the bringer"
Required only a more certain demise
Several had met the challenge to arrive on the Black Dais,
But death himself remained triumphant
Asbestos, mesothelioma, lawyers,
Each took their place but never challenged Perdition directly
Until one so overtook him
Hell shook Oppenheimer from it's shoulders
Discarding death with him
Oppenheimer - prime acolyte of the light
Who could best even death at being the inevitable and unenviable end
Except life and light herself
Vitae stood guilty in her own judgement
Dismissing the darkness into half-forgotten memory
A shade now unchallenged, an undeniable answer
Her frail form untethered, and expanding into decay.
Vitae cleft her left arm
Forming it into an inkwell
And shaping her right into a quill
She began to write her story again...
"Let there be light"



We must go on