I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I thought if I could swallow the stars
I’d be as beautiful as the evening sky
I tried one night    with fireflies
They burned my throat
Their legs striking at soft flesh
But my skin did not glow
No moon crawled from my eye sockets
I was left with corpses in my stomach
I soon learned I would only ever be
A cemetery

i am afraid of
losing loved ones
and being alone in the dark,
but mostly,
i am afraid of being
merely tolerated
when i want so badly to be loved.

A touch,
A movement of lips upon another,
A little wet,
Perhaps with tears or the simple caress of the tounge,
Eyes close,
Sense,
Sense the moment,  
Feel what they feel,
Take it deeper, calm it down
Lose yourself,
Or at the very least try to,
Why are you so numb?
Want the thrill of it, need it.  
Stop experimenting as if each body was a Guinea pig in the lab of your heart.
Let go,  for once in your miserable life,  let go
Why so immobilized with fear?
Why dread the touch, that sensual touch?
It won't harm,  it will not hurt
Just trust
Trust the hand that holds you tight
Strock them as carefully as they did you,
Scratch back with the fire of the game,
Roam that foreign body not with the intent to discover but simply for the pleasure of it,
Fall back on the mattress behind,
Drown between the sheets,
Feel the pressure atop you, under you, on every inch of your body,
And when its over,  you walk out
Out of the room of great trepidation,
Feeling nothing but numb,
Feeling nothing but the scar that'll stain your back.

A grand piano plays past the horizon,
In a place you and I sat,
Oh no,  not with out bodies,  love
But with our souls entwined;
I hear the chellow,
String vibrating,
It calls me,  like you do,  dear lover,
I wonder if we can follow,
To the great beyond, 
Where I knew like you did,
It was our place of peace and serenity,
Where our nature could be shown,
Where we could be happy and true,
Where walls didn't exist,
Where fire was cold as ice,
Where death was but a foreign concept,
Yet our death was eternal.

You were spontaneous,
Impulsive
Charged with a million ways to fuel my lust for you
Or perhaps that was what my young mind thought
For I have learned to be much more spontaneous now and at the same time, less graceful
More myself
I’m not quite sure how I should feel about that.
You were my first lover not because I didn’t have boyfriends prior to you
On the contrary
I was wilder
More impetuous
For I was the one who noticed you on the crowded dance floor
Where you clutched the sweating beer by the waist
I knew you were an observer from the way you studied the swaying crowed
While managing to seem quite immersed even though the distance you comprised was palpable
I thought you’d be shy when I approached you
Shy men where a fantasy of mine
Yet you spoke like you owned the world
Like it should be lucky to worship at your feet
And I realize you were a force all on your own and I wanted, so desperately, to be a part of your wave
A feeling I never quite felt before.
So you see,
This was why you were my first lover
For the fire you created in me
On the roof of a strange building we accidently stumbled upon
Where the night air stole our breaths away
Yet our touches felt like a hot summer day,
Burning away my desire for the men I had always thought were my choices
And searing me in your peculiar head,
So when we parted that first day, at the peak of dawn
With my number scribbled on your left arm from the spontaneity of our choices,
You had left a mark on my soul,
One I had never thought could be composed by a random stranger
And it wasn’t from your ragged but handsome looks or the hair my fingers wanted to spend the night entangled in,
But rather from the dark way your eyes glinted when they whooshed past my bare neck
Or the various ear-rings that decorated one ear
When your fingers made a light brush against the strained front of my dress and my hardened *******,
But most of all, it was the hunger I saw in your gaze
And I realized, in that very moment, all I wanted to do was spoil myself with the lavishness that was you.