My relationship with life was as unhealthy as mine with death
I took them like pills, small doses each time
Never at once, I've always been told not to mix alcohol with antidepressants
Me and life lived like Romeo and Juliet
We only met in secret
Quiet smiles at stupid stuff, subtle and unsound
Death always took me away though
It carved my skin and tied me in red
Little red ribbons
Carved deep into my thighs, the wrist was too predictable
Again i'd try to be taken, my dearest start crossed lover
They'd bubble smiles across my lips
I wonder when they started to feel fake

He must notice something.

The way my eyes light up whenever I see him,
The way I drop everything and see him whenever he needs me.
How fast I can reply to his texts,
The way I always say yes to him to whatever he asks.
The way I suddenly get quiet whenever he asks me about crushes,
The way I look at him for a bit too long.

He must notice something.
He's probably noticed everything.
But he doesn't respond.

Which is why I'll never tell him.

I hope I never miss you.
I can’t.
It would be far too painful.
I can no longer pretend the two of us will stay friends.
Because I know exactly what will happen:
One day, we’ll have no reason to talk to each other anymore.
Neither of us will make an effort to, even if we both want to (maybe, I can never tell if someone wants to talk to me.)
We’ll say our hellos when we cross paths while walking.
But even that will end soon.
Pretty soon you’ll forget me (but I know I’ll never forget you.)
I hope I never miss you.
I can’t.
Even if I want to.

I just want to belong.

Somewhere. With someone. Sometime. (Maybe now?)

I am tired of seeing best friends laughing
or lovers holding hands
or groups of friends taking selfies

because I want them myself so so so so bad.

Every day I ask myself
"I just want someone to love me
Is that too much to ask?"

But I've been asking every day
And nothing ever happens.

Maybe it is too much to ask.

I want someone to watch the stars with me
We’ll stay up past midnight
And even though we’re far away
(you’re in your bedroom, i’m in mine)

The night will still feel a bit less lonely
Knowing that you’re looking outside
Waiting for breaking dawn to come
And awaken the morning sky

I want someone to watch the stars with me
And make the night feel less lonely
And maybe fall in love with me
But I know that can never be

For the one who’ll watch the stars with me
And make the night feel less lonely
And maybe fall in love with me
– is me.