She draws
Breath
In
As she knows
To do
When the panics
Rise
And suddenly
In the edge
Between inhale
And ex
She wills
The knot
Of muscle
Beneath *******
And bone
To rest
And slow
Band
By
Band
Until
It is still
So she can be
For she is very tired.

In the dark
And creaky
Morning hours,
She moves
In stumbles
And tiptoes,
Breathes
In whispers
And curses,
As high melts into low,
And reality swallows the dream.
“I’m done,”
She pleads to
The dog
She forgot
To feed,
“I promise.”

I watch him
Still
Resting,
His brows
Drawn slightly
By twists
Of a dream
Since faded.
I watch
And I remember
Him
Above and
Inside me
Pushing
Past
Pain
Shrouded
In regret
Locked
Within
Shame
Posing
As
Eagerness
To
Please.
And the memory
Stirs
At my root
Cracks open
My chest
And pulls
The bow
Of my spine
To lift my chin
To sky.
And my gasp
Is barely audible
Over his voice,
“Baby?”

I watch him
Emerge,
Over days,
With cracks
And tears,
His new skin
Cranky
And thin.
And I recognize
An old fear
Shimmer through
One iris
Then the next.
And I see him
See me
Watching and waiting,
And I wonder
How many chances
We’ll get.

My fingers
Drift
Around curves
Along edges
Across swaths
I’ll never forget.
I lean in
Hesitant
And hopeful
Just one breath
With my cheek
To your back,
Fingers still
Busy
With recall.
And your flesh
In my lungs
In my brain
Smells
Of wreckless abandon,
And the me
I miss
In the mirror.
You feel
Me reach
And the spot
Where you stopped
Is only warm
For a moment
Once
I’m
Alone.

She knows
How it sounds,
Her defenses,
Her script.
She gets
Where to giggle,
Where to look away.
And some days,
She longs for freedom-
For mangled lines,
And empty faces,
And shredded costumes.
But today,
She greets
Her applause
And retreats
Into darkness.

“I don’t...”
She blinks,
“I don’t.”
And suddenly,
She doesn’t.
She scrambles,
Face blank,
Body still,
For something
Known.
She reaches
Into the dark,
Her hand
Probing
For something
To clutch
And reaching
Too far,
She topples.
“I didn’t,”
She says,
“Know what the end
Could feel like”