everyone has a set destination
on the gps in their future mind
and im stuck inside the conversation
between knowing if ill stay alive

im not suicidal
well sometimes i am
the majority of my life has been set in stone
thinking about time again and again

sometimes i feel nothing
even when i hurt
sometimes i feel everything
and i feel much worse

i wonder if im living
or dying
or in between

and sometimes im just plain old okay
with the gray
and the death
and the me

if i could count the days i sat in my room
feeling numb,
id wonder where all the other times
the tears came from.
and when i sit in my room alone,
i wonder if there is a place i call home.
and if the sink drops another drop
i think maybe the numb will stop.

at 4:14 am
im still wide awake
imagining your body on top of mine
captivating me,
your large hands running down my fragile, tiny body,
claiming everything you brush as "yours".
at 4:20 am im still awake,
imagining myself on all fours,
your hand grasping my hair,
pulling it into that tight ponytail i wear during the day,
while you're telling me about how you could never resist me,baby. your words alone leaving me drenched and ready for you.
it's 4:30 am, and texting you:
"are you awake?"

where did the yellow brick road go?
i think they piled it with pavement,
and now the cars are spilling their oil into our water basins,
and i'm wondering how much longer i'll be alive here,
decreasing life span year by year
i'm hoping the cure for cancer is clear, but to me it seems
growing technology is more important than the value of human life,
we sacrifice each other for the sake of keeping us alive.
so tell me, society, why don't we stop to try?
because if we keep going on like this,
like plants,
we'll wither and die.