I'm not happy. I haven't been in a while. I wonder what it would take to finally make me smile inside.

➕
a.d

dear momma
sometimes i swear i hear your voice telling me to wake up
and your heels in the kitchen while you cook.
sometimes i swear i feel you next to me
patting my head and touching my neck
sometimes i swear that if i wish hard enough
that you will come back
and that i won't
have to imagine
your voice anymore.

i liked to consider my self smart.
maybe even strong.
but how can i be smart
or even strong
when i never realized
that you never loved me
and that you never will
until now --
how foolish of me to think
that your words held meaning
for me
when really,
they were for her.

(a.d)

excruciating pain,
ignorant bliss,
misspoken words
and
forgetfulness.

do i mean so little to you
that you only call me when you're feeling broken or high?*

a.d.