i liked to consider my self smart.
maybe even strong.
but how can i be smart
or even strong
when i never realized
that you never loved me
and that you never will
until now --
how foolish of me to think
that your words held meaning
for me
when really,
they were for her.

(a.d)

excruciating pain,
ignorant bliss,
misspoken words
and
forgetfulness.

dear momma
sometimes i swear i hear your voice telling me to wake up
and your heels in the kitchen while you cook.
sometimes i swear i feel you next to me
patting my head and touching my neck
sometimes i swear that if i wish hard enough
that you will come back
and that i won't
have to imagine
your voice anymore.

do i mean so little to you
that you only call me when you're feeling broken or high?*

a.d.

I'm not happy. I haven't been in a while. I wonder what it would take to finally make me smile inside.

➕
a.d