Your face is strange
From the way u look and smile down at me i can tell
You think you know me
I scan through my thoughts and it's all vague
I try to think harder, deeper, and even search for a clue on where i just might be,
Who I'm, what I'm and why your still there calling me a name

But though my brain is blank i do remember something so vivid
I remember how to scream
How to search for the strongest furniture
Surprisingly i also know what to say
'stop, don't come any closer'
I see you reach for something in ur pocket
This time I  guess it's my adrenaline that kicked in cos i flip and cast my weapon
Who thought me to aim so well
Something is wrong
Cos then a vague picture flashes through my mind

It's you holding me
It's me smiling
It's me hurting
It's you never leaving
It's you telling me "i love you"

I'm calm for the moment
I listen to you tell me about me
I ask you how u knew to dodge so well
You smile, you take my feeble hands squeeze them.
It was all bliss: i listened to you tell me about parts of my life i knew you'd have to repeat

I'm scared to sleep although I'm tired
I don't ever want to forget how i feel this moment.
You say I'd be fine, I'd pull through
I close my eyes and my dreams are filled with brain ******* demons
I open my eyes to this stranger staring down at me smiling

Well i don't know how or why
Pain on my head
Not so hurting
Maybe the multiple bruises etched to my skin.
My burning heart
My dry tear gland
Elude the relief dat comes from crying

I don't know how or why
But my wobbly legs
Strong enough to let me walk with my head-up.
Flames in my heart
Emitted as ice cold breaths
Making my already swollen face pale
The bruises hurt yet my skin glows and shines
The blobs bleeding yet concealed by braids worth more than my brideprice

I don't know how or why
But i stopped asking for reasons long ago
Maybe cos the more i asked d more the reasons drove me insane
Their actions gave me reasons to push wrecklessly
Reasons to hate; fueled my rage and drive for success
Not sympathetic; I've got nothing to loose
No reason to back down: childish fantasies to make d world better replaced by the emotions you thought me

I dono how or why
I do know; your actions are stuck to my memory.
I was weak, you were strong, my cries and blood didn't make you stop.
It'd take me time to get square,
Ages maybe to acquire the resources to laugh while you hurt.
But trust: I don't forgive
                 I don't forget
                 I don't even pretend to
Revenge is definitely a dish best served cold.

I could write a million words about a failed family
Tons of poetry could be composed
Describing the hurt
Telling the challenges
Explaining life growing up in an environment where the enemy is your family

This however ain't that Poetry
It's me writting about a lovely childhood
The waves of bar beach
Parents laughter with love in their eyes
Esther scared of the horses and typically every animal or insect
The burial events we organised for our rats
Shifted responsibilities in the midnight hours
Dad always making my recipe for my daily bed-wetting

The journeys to new states
Mom's baking
Mom's absence
******* movies we had access to
Mom's presence being like Santa's coming
Many starvations

The candy i asked from Dad after 1yr of separation
Dad's smile weak and tainted by sad wrinkles
The wolves in sheep clothings
How they took advantage

Karma stricking; yeah it goes round
Loosing the family again
Brutality enforced by siblings
Hatred deeply enrooted

Life's too much of a *****
Try as you may:the worst memories are ever so glaring
Being oblivious to the obvious truth: thats the escape route

To hell with forgiveness
To hell with rising above
To hell with fantasies
My demons made me fabulous.