When the poetry flows through you,
it waits for no perfect moment,
there is no convenience mustered
to await your finding
paper and a pen.

When the words come,
you just know,
you feel the syllables rising from
the tips of your toes,
exploding out of your fingers,
propelling you into an
unsuspected state of
delirium as your mouth
silently forms the shapes
you spit onto your notebook,
brave hands twisting and
turning purple letters
round themselves,
brain melting and oozing
out into similes and metaphors,
pictures popping from
stories told and
secrets disclosed until
in one final swoop
the moment passes,
your work is done and
the pride and fear and
vulnerability and anxiety
you just birthed
stares back at you,
its ambiguous smirk
leaving you breathless.

I met you last Friday night
to swim and watch movies.
I remember thinking you were cute,
and I liked how you smiled at me.
It made me feel admired.
Saturday night, I got drunk enough
to see galaxies in the vapors from your mouth.
I kissed you, and we were both a little hooked.
You held me when I cried in my stupor,
comforted me as I threw up in your bathroom,
and even covered me as I bathed in front of you,
because you couldn't leave me alone.
(And I didn't let you.)
Wednesday afternoon, I sat over you
staring into your beautiful browns,
wondering at the bright surface
while darker thoughts sat behind underneath.
I tried asking you questions,
and seeing if I could open you up to me.
I want to know every corner of your
body, mind, and soul.
I know it's too soon,
but it's what I want from you.
On Thursday evening, your birthday,
I wrote you a letter.
And I spent the entire evening with you.
You, the social butterfly with a dark past,
and me, the new girl with an old perspective.
You introduced me to everyone as your girlfriend,
and I could see the pride, and happiness.
I could feel it in me too.
I can't say it. Not yet.
But I think you and I can feel it
soon.
The road so far.

I woke up this morning
with a voice in my head
telling me they loved me.
I felt invisible arms hold me,
and I felt airy hair whisper over my skin
as they leaned over me
and see through lips kissed mine.
I felt my pain go away
as I gave into this little
lie of comfort,
this little lie of indulgence.
I've been sleeping alone for years,
and my heart has had a sheet
covering it, slowly collecting dust.
I turned over to search for this covert lover.
Then I woke up again.
The slow, but growing sensation
of shock started in my stomach,
and spread to my lungs
as I opened my mouth to
say a name I didn't know,
and tried to breathe through
the ever-soft rivers traveling down
my face onto my sheets.
I cried into the morning dusk,
begging for that ignorance again.
God, I just want to be loved,
even if it's by a ghost.

I thought about you way too much today,
the first time I met you on accident
and you complimented me.
The second time, when I ended up at your place,
also on accident
because my sister wanted to get high after work
and we only had one car.
I was designated driver, and I brought my book.
Everyone was partying in your room
but you came out and talked to me on your
couch for over an hour, even though I knew
you were sleepy, and I, out of place.
But we made each other laugh
and you gave me your number.
Almost a month and a half later,
we were supposed to go on our first date tonight
but you haven't talked to me in days,
and I'm afraid I'm heartbroken...

I was obsequious towards you.... opening up to you, I was an impressively sedulous suitor,

Didn't I constantly show my love; like a doting concubine,

yet never was I supposed to.

Did things I'd never wish to again do, You were always lethargic returning any affections.

You're  constantly an exorbitantly  cruel lover, on too many occasions you've left me; feeling, clinging, wishing & praying that your bitter tortures -  would end.

Morbidly I'd crave you like a killer craves the death of his victim's.

Oh there's no end, no relapse or realse, my tormentor, my seemingly drug of choice--is you!

I  sincerely felt a cordial love & dislike for how you've had me susceptible to this elegiac experience.

Unmerciful you cast away my heart and dealt my soul a mighty blow.

NEVER again  would I be your willing victim,  you're  antipathies & archaic behavior  leaves me wishing for a way out, since you've made me seem more like the enemy.

This love's a beautiful beast & so oblivious to my demise...

I'm still obligated....

I've vowed to stay, fight comes what may...

  yet & still You make it clear I'm disqualified before a race could ever be won.....

Why?

My questions unanswered
as if I've never vocalized a retort!

IVE COME TO REALIZE THERE'S NO HOPE FOR ME

☆♡

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present

"i want you in the most unromantic way"
what a beautiful way to say
i want to *******
pull my hair
make me say your name
let me worship you
between your sheets
and legs
let my mouth tell you
"i love you"
in ways my words couldn't
**** me
and ill *******
in ways that will
make you love me