My sweet innocent boy
My 5 years of wonder
will you remember her?
How she lit up like Christmas when you smiled?
How your tiny sneezes brought wild laughter
Head thrown back, radiant in the joy of her creation!
How she paced the floor, wishing your pain was her own?
How your tiny fingers curled in her hair?
The songs that sang you to sleep?
The hours she spent, just watching
waiting for your eyes to open?
Her memory is ours alone.
All that is left of her, I see in you.
My boy.

He tears about with happy shouts
a truck held in his hand
his shoes kicked off, his hat on wrong
as he runs along the sand
He chases gulls with wild intent
of what I do not know
sea snails hear this cacophony
and retreat to their homes
I chase him through the breaking waves
and catch him with a giggle
this force of nature in my arms
with tendency to wriggle
his little arms around my kneck
on my nose he plants a kiss
I stay this way as waves crash in
in sweet paternal bliss.

The saddest song I've ever heard
the lyrics of Miss Mockingbird
her pain it rails aloud in verse
who doomed her to this bitter curse?
her words they soothe, yet tear my heart
as love lies bleeding, torn apart.
I sent a message, just to see
If at her mercy I could be
in friendship fair across the miles
joined in pain and lovelorn smiles
this siren I have never known
with knowing smile and broken bones
replied with grace at once to this
and left me with an angels kiss.

These inkstained fingers
bare my soul
naked and spiralling
I deceive myself with your memory.
It was you,
the first touch
on naked flesh
too young to grasp
the magnitude.
It was I
that loved your every breath
never questioning that I belonged
right there
within the warmth of your laugh.
It was time
that showed me it was a lie.

You think I'm still here
Funny that,
I left just after you left, remember?
I didn't return when you did.

You just walked back in, remember?
her rust still on your tongue,
covered in shards of your broken heart.

Pitiful.

Wanting me to pick up your pieces.
Me, the one you dropped and shattered
Me, bearer of children, believer of lies.

Shamed.

While her memory cut you deep
it was me that healed your wounds
with the warm, self loathing comfort
of doing it for the kids.

Used.

You apologised, profusely, wrapped in crocodile tears 
yet the guilt was all mine.

Apparently.

You think I'm still here
Funny that...

I long to write a striking verse
to make this dark world shatter
but then I see with eyes anew
that words don't ******* matter.

I arrived.
Crashing
Wailing
Screaming
I am grown.
What's changed?