I asked you several questions so answer me now "Mother"!!

Your eyes speak in volumes
Oceanic in color
Vast in arousal
Heightening my interest
Teasing my senses
Brutal bombardment of questions
Stimulating a desire
Animalistic too wild to cage
I need the taste of you
As your body lightly presses
Against my lips
Taste buds open nasal cavities
As every pheromone you produce
Assails my senses
Finally solving these mathematical questions
I formulated when your eyes
Glistened at the idea
Me and you could just be passionate
Even if it were for a night

His journey started
When his mother abandoned him
Leaving him for dead
With a father
That was hardly ever home

He grew up
Not knowing what was next
He thought his life was perfect
Till he heard
The mother he knew wasn't his

He wanted answers
Grew into a depression
Anger and hatred boiling
Fueling the rage
That would soon be seen

He contemplated his suicide
Attempted it but failed
Something wanted him to live
He still contemplates
just never attempts

He slept with women
Having meaningless ***
Never staying for too long
Lost to his world of dispair
Creating demons for himself

He hasn't cried
Since he was eight
He watched his family fall apart
Dropping like rocks
Hoping for his time to come

He writes poetry
He draws endlesly
Wanting his emotions
That stain his soul
To disappear into the words and lines

He thought he was in love
So many times before
But they only deserted him
when those words
slipped off his tongue

Now he sits
Thinking constantly
About how the future would be
If the past wasn't so hard
Just how simple his life could of been

But when a girl
Walked into his life
Curly hair and a bright smile
Beauty crippling him
He said hello

When he left
All he did was think about her
She followed into the next grade
He was overjoyed
And he knew he was in love

He took a leap of faith
And said '' I love you''
She shrugged it off
Like the words themself
Had no meaning or value

He strived to prove to her
That he truly is in love
He thinks about her
He wants to comfort her
When she thinks she's not perfect

He finally convinced her
That she was never
Going to lose him
But it wasn't enough
He wanted her to know his demons

She asked countless times
To see his heart
So he gave it to her
And said ''Take a look for yourself
This is why I'm a mistake''

A waste of time and life
A waste of space and air
Is what he thinks of himself
A monster worst than any evil
That he created in the dark

She only told him
She loves him once before
He just wants to be hers
To be there even more
So she will never be alone

He thinks he's not good enough
That he can't make her happy
He's probably right
She never proved him wrong
And may never

He wants to kiss her
To love her
Go to sleep holding her
And wake up to her smile
Each and every day

He write poems for her
Thinking endlessly of her
But doesn't know where to start
When he's never felt like this before
Hoping she can help him

He wants to hear those words
Not I love you
But I want to give you a chance
He wants to ask for that chance
But too scared of the answer

He looks into the mirror
Ask the reflection some questions
Hoping for a better answer
Only getting what he wants
Not what he needs to hear

She loves him
He loves her
They want the same
But don't known where they stand
Still stuck in thier own fantasies

An unknown mans life
Is what he lives
No one knows who he is
What he stands for
Or where he came from

He's just a shadow
Like flames licking at your feet
Waiting to be heard and known
He's the poet born with rage
Letting his emotions be known

His work doesn't reach out
To every man, woman, or child
But to those who suffer
From countless days of pain
But he remains unknown

She encourages him on
She is his muse
The love he can't have
The Juliet to his Romeo
The only person keeping him sane

He stands on a cliff
Letting the ocean spray
kiss his face
As he listens to the calming winds
With her close to his heart
Thinking of his next poem

it doesnt come frome
his ability to cry
his ability to sing
or his ability to act
even his ability to think

A Poets Fame
comes long after his death
when children can relate
or when women decide to rest
when men decide to weep

it doesnt come from
his ability to write
his ability to ryhme
or his ability to laugh
even his ability to hear

A Poets Fame
comes when the world sees fit
when life seems worthless
when death is at your door
or when emotions grow to heavy

A Poets Fame
is written in history
bound to the pages
and his lost sanity
furthers his legacy
that we try to follow

On life
On this world
Maybe dark and twisted
But his view on his work
Is utter awe that it captures an emotion

He gives it all he has
And at the end of the day
He can rest his head
Knowing that his poetry
Reflects on someones life

He has no fear of death
Instead he waits for her to come
He grows older
With every breath he takes
Yet he continues his work

A poets view
Is complicated
No one knows it
They will never understand
For they never read his work

He's a man with honor
He loves a woman
Who may never love him
The same way he loves her
Yet he continues his work

His words flow on paper
Like the mighty currents
Of the never ending sea
A poets view
Is strong and wide

He's happy with his work
He married it a long time ago
He gave it his all
And now he rest at night
With a smile on his face

A poets view
Will never be seen
By the average person
They can only capture a glimpse
At how he looks at everything

They dont tell me anything
I can't say sorry enough either
Sorry that I let you into my head
I let you change who I was
Thinking I could be a better man for you
Here I am states away trying to figure out
What I'll do for the next few years
Without you in my arms
Will it always be questions
Scaring the **** out of me
Knowing at any second I could lose you
I'm scared to even tell you I love you
I can't prove it
I can't express it
I'm sorry you fell for me
Hopefully we can work this out

As I peer into their new homes
The very ones I create
I see they flail and wonder
How small did their world become
Not too different then my own mind
Captured and tossed into a bowl
Only inches bigger than me
Waiting for the hand that feeds me
To throw me down a drain
Limp and lifeless
This little aquarium mind of mine
Works on it's own
But always wanting to swim
A little farther than the glass

Are these the answers
That I didn't want
That I didn't need
Are these the answers
That could save my sanity

Are these the answers
That I searched high and low
That I gave up on
Are these the answers
To questions long ago asked

All I know is
That these answers
I knew I would find
Whether I looked for them or not
Now that I got them I'm even more lost

I can't forgive her
I can't love her
I hate her with everything I have
Now I have more questions
And the answers I'm not ready for

I told her to answer one question
The answer determined
Whether I could forgive her or not
But all she did was remain silent
Refusing to answer

Are these the answers
To questions not yet asked
That I refuse to ask
Are these the answers
That could fix my heart

Are these the answers
To questions I needed to ask
To questions I knew would hurt
Are these the answers
To questions asked for decades

All I need her to know
Is that when I needed her
She wasn't there
So now I don't need her
Nor will I ever need her

She's just an image
A target for my anger
The cause for my hatred
She's the reason I'm scared to let you in
She's the reason my walls are up

Are these the answers
To the questions you ask
To the questions you wanted answered
Are these the answers
That could bring us longer

My ancient blood boils
As wood pops
Embers sizzle
New fuel added
Burned pieces fall
I can witness lives
Be engulfed
As the flames build
Growing taller into the sky
Mixing smoke and clouds
Summoning my inner demons
To dance on fires tongue
The grey snow falling
Cascading blessings
My ancestors bestow
Strength to continue forward
Peace on withered cliffs
Fear to motivate progress
Sanity with every pass
Of the peace pipe
As the flames build
My woes become ash
My dreams embers
Waiting for the fuel
Of my own approval

One slap from a dead cat
Dissected for an experiment
I'm not crazy
I promise I'm not
I just had to slap her
The old lady deserved it
She slapped me and beat me with her cane
I slap her once maybe twice
Ok three times I slapped her
With the ******
Guts dangling cat
I found already dead
In the back alleys of these graveyard streets
I'm not crazy
But I'm the one
Thrown in an uncomfortable position
I hate myself
So why strap me in this I-Love-Me jacket
Toss me in the darkest corner
Of asylum white walls
Close the door
Lock it
And seal me away
To a room where shadows
Possess your mind
Voices become insane
And nobody even knows you're there
I promise I'm not insane
I just felt cornered
Insulted by her actions
And the voices where laughing
Joker grins dancing on my eye lids
I had to slap her with the cat
So throw me in the asylum
Let me go in the next three months
I'm not insane I promise

All alone
Thousand tear soaked pillow casing
One sided perfectly made up bed
Alarm clock still set for 4:30 am
Clothes set out for church on Sunday
Phone in hand waiting for a call
To hear the words
"Honey I'm just leaving work can you start dinner?"
But she will never hear those words
"Honey I'm home"
As keys drop onto marble counter tops
Boots tracking mud
From the puddle outside
Due to the harsh storm
She lost her love
He was a veteran
Two purple hearts
A medal of honor
Three times he went to war
For a country that gave him nothing
He still had to work
Medical bills from his daughter
Diagnosed with cancer
Given three years to live
How much suffering does she have to endure
Before she drowns in her tears
And chokes on her sorrow weeps
Of constant coffin nailed grief
He lost his life
In the most profound way
He was robbing a bank
He couldn't get the cash
The money needed for his daughter's treatment
Yet when bullets created craters
Deep into his chest
And "Fire!" stopped echoing
This widow knew
She lost everything in her life
The bottles of whiskey
The overdosing medicine
The knife to wrist
The gun to her head
Still she couldn't find enough strength
To take another swig
To take another pill
To push a little harder
To squeeze the trigger
Emotionally drained
Taking its toll physically
Aged all to much
For her 29 year old frame
Dressed in black
Waiting for it to be her turn
For the coroner to nail the coffin shut
For the preacher to say
"We lay her down to rest after enduring such traumatic events."
A widow's tale is all but familiar
Yet the tragic events unfold
All too quickly
They seem all too alien

Popped six pills
Sipped on this bottle for an hour
It was dry in the first half
Opened some old wounds
Tried burying the hatch
From 17 years of torture
Found myself curled up
In the corner talking to myself
I know this is how it's always going to be
One more year
Still everything will be the same
Except one huge dramatic change
That might fill the air with a lighter shade of grey
I wont be there anymore
I'm not running
I'm escaping
Giving you all the bird
Saying hello to my baby
Let the sands on the beaches
Fill my *** crack
Let the water flutter over the rocks at my feet
While I'm holding her in my arms
So everything does get better
When you are gone
I'm going to make love to an angel
Make it a crime to look at her
Wondering how the **** I ended up in those eyes
Why I'm the one being blessed
To be captured in her memory
Knowing I loved her the way she truly deserves
IF I fail tell the world I ****** up
I'm not waiting for the next step to **** me
I'm waiting for the first time I get to say
Baby I'm home :)

I wrote about you
Memorializing you in every line
350+ poems and it still isn't enough?
This is a bad love affair
Between me and you
Nothing seems right
You've grown distant
Bipolar in every way
I loved you
I hated you
I cried because of you
I would have died for you
So this bad love affair
Between me and my emotions
Has to end...now

These gremlins are messing with me today
Siting on the ***
With a book to read
A video game on the phone
No toilet paper for me *******
I got the bathroom blues
I'm yelping for some helping
Getting nothing but a silence
Oh these bathroom blues
Got me bad

Its no field of roses
Its not a walk in the park
Its no fairy tale story
Its quite the opposite

Being me is like
A field of dead roses
A walk in the park being stalked
A tragic ending in a fairy tale

Being me has no perks
It has dead ends
Scarred wrist that still bleed
And a darkness that's overbearing

You want to think it's easy
Well walk three yards in my shoes
Bet you will run to a 45
Won't even hesitate to pull the trigger

Being me is pathetic
I don't even like being me
And my reflection hates it even more
Because it shatters at the sight of me

Being me is no hyperbole
Its a pure *****
Filled with suicidal thoughts
And pointless attempts

Being me is harder that you can imagine
I wish I was you
Living a life easier to live
Not being afraid of what night can bring

Being me is insane
Not metaphorically but literally
Its straight jackets, pills, and needles
Scared eyes pointed in your direction

Being me is a game
And everybody is the pawn
My entertainment
And sadly the reason I hate being me

Being me is pointless
No wonder I want to die
Its ******* boring
And really just a pathetic excuse at life

Be my gorgeous nightmare
Be the reason I stay awake
The reason I fear breathing
Be the existance in my heart
Just wait till i sleep
And haunt me there
Hunt me like Im your prey

Abuse me in my dreams
Be my goegeous nightmare
Be the reason I awake in terror
Hold me when I do
Dont reject me
Because I cant trust you
I do love you though

Maybe you'll make it
Farther than expected of me
Even if you fail somewhere
Along those margin lines
Set so oblique by society
I'll remain proud
Within those instances
You'll witness your own growth
Best of luck my precious little girl
Any advice you need
I'll never be far
Always in your heart

I can smell the wax burning
20 candles I dont want to blow out
In only 5 hours
I'll have learned 20 more lessons
On how to be a man
They never teach this in school
How to provide for your own
How to love without getting hurt
Its only mathematics and history
Neither which will save me
From dreading the day
I hear infant cries from across the hall
How do prepare for adulthood
When the world only wants to watch you fail
I have 20 birthday candles to blow out
On only a donut
While I'm speeding through traffic
Rushing to work
Because my alarm didn't go off
How do just grow up
When nobody teaches you about life
Its not a manual you can read
Its not a book you can check out
Its just something you learn the hard way
So before you ask me who gave me
Black eyes and broken bones
Know life has been beating the **** out me
Because I was never ready
For a life where only you
Stood before judges and juries
Sentenced to death
For murdering the voices
You grew tired of hearing
20 years I've struggled
Nothing ever got better
I'm still begging
Someone teach me
Before I face tomorrow

Just like my heart...blank
Just like my soul...empty
A blank page poem
A mirror image of myself
I hope your happy now
This is what you did to me

One stick
An uneven *****
Loosen the noose
And forget you were a mother
4 little kids
Running around
Half naked
Too hungry to know
Our fingernails weren’t food
If bloods thicker then water
Why isn’t it thicker then the drugs
You filled your soul with
Drowning out the love you had for us
Smothering it deep
Into the forgotten half of your brain
I can’t unhate you
I’ll never forgive you
I leave you a permanent stain
On my darkened soul

Bloodstained white walls
Are all that is left
Of my tattered heart

These men in white
Keeping me restrained
Preventing me of tasting freedom

I'll use my own blood
To paint these asylum walls
Just to smile once again

Instead I used their blood
Their screams adding a final touch
To a beautiful masterpiece

I tore their hearts apart
Ripping their eyes out
Growing silent without a tongue

They thought I was weak
Yet when I raged
That crazed strength showed itself

Now I'm confused
I'm at a  lost
Between bloodstained white walls

Not caring who I killed
Yet wondering why
These bodies lay still bleeding

I swore I bled them out
Using every drop
Just to paint these walls

Bloodstained white walls
And unheard screams
Creating my home of sick, twisted masterpieces

I hanged the bodies out
Making a fence
Running barbed-wire through their temples

The crows feast
The vultures stalk
As an evil smile of joy crosses my face

Blood still wets my hands and face
Yet the evil still shows
Not knowing which asylum will be next

I'm laying on this roof
Tattered from the storms
Beaten down upon by tree limbs
This roof reminds me of me
It's not everyday you get this feeling
But with open scars
Bleeding into the skies
The stars look more precious
Like blood diamonds
Wonder how many stars
Hold the blood of the lost
I love the silence tonight
The cool, soft breeze
Carrying the scent of more rain
I can't belive the moon is gone
I wonder where she went
Probably laying in the arms of another
Where she truly belongs
I'm just reaching into ****** skies
Hoping my open wrist arm
Can carry my hand high enough
To move the clouds
So I may glance upon her face
I'm tired of being a menace
Striking fear in the eyes of loved ones
Bringing pain into their arms
Burdening their shoulders with my sorrow
Maybe if I joined with the ****** skies
I'd rain my blood on the earth
Let them taste the pain they brough
Maybe your god will finally show mercy
To those just like me
I don't know
I really don't care
Finding out is worth a risk
A risk with only my benefit

I'm not asking for a kiss
I'm not Pink
I'm literally telling you to *******
Put my **** in your mouth
And ******* blow *****
I hate your rotting
Eroded cancer infested guts
I hope you ******* die
So ******* *******
I'm ****** beyond any limit
I'm three, two seconds away
From hunting you like forest animals
Hang your head above my mantle
The perfect trophy
******* *****
Not a kiss like Pink
But literally take this **** from between my legs
And ******* *****

Collection of non collectables
Cellar of my soul
In the penthouse of my existence
Rooms filled
Floor to ceiling
Wall to wall
I'm an emotional distillery
Not one bottle sold
Refusing as they've grown stale
Aging like milk
Bottles to bottles
I'm an avid collector
I'll store these emotions
Till someone comes with a flame
Burning this monstrous mansion
Shattering glass and melting stills
I'm the master of bottled emotions
Entrepreneur of killing myself slow
Connoisseur of fragile humanity
So one after one
I'll bottle till I implode
Becoming an emotional alcoholic
Silently and unseen
Rotting my mind

Life seemed good
Sitting on the beach
Watching the Sun
Commit suicide
By plummeting deep
Into the waves
Tempting Night
To replace its beauty

I remain on the beach
Look at my watch
It's now 10:30
My mom probably read my note
I haven't heard the sirens
So she must not care
I mean hell
When does my broken family ever care

When they are too busy at work
When they yell at me
For not washing a **** spoon
Or take the credit for my accomplishments
When do I get to be happy
When do I get to stop cutting
Or contemplating what I plan on doing tonight
At this peaceful, calm beach

I'm broken
My reflection in the mirror
Can see all my cracks
And missing pieces
So why can't the rest of the world
Is it the mask I'm tired of wearing
Or the role I play as some happy kid

**** I wish there was somebody
Somebody with me
On this peaceful, calm beach
To glue the pieces missing for so long
Back into place
Hold my hand and tell me
That they ******* care
But it wont happen because I came alone

Brought with me a 45
Two bullets just in case
4 bottles of whiskey
And a knife to help speed things up
Because here on this beach
So dark, peaceful, calm, and lonely
I plan to end it
With happiness obtained with my last breath

See when you come from
A ******* broken home
You don't care for life
You don't care fro anything
And everything is a permanent problem
Even you living under there house
And eating so little or too much
Because their the reason for all the depression

You try your best
To please everyone around you
Hoping your happiness
Will make it easier for you
But instead you give them a reason
Just to push you around even more
So you take that little blade
And slide it across your wrist

You bleed your pain out
Your tired of the cruel words
The even crueler people
Who don't give two ***** about you
So do what I'm doing tonight
Go to the most beautiful place
You have ever been
And take your life away

I know I corrupt everything with my darkness
I corrupt the beauty within life
I'm broken
I break everything I touch
So tonight here on this beach
I take my last breath
And slowly begin
To make this place my grave

Broken, Broken, Broken
Everything around me so badly broken
The still water
Can't even capture my reflection
Because parts of me
Drop endlessly into it
From the places I tried
To patch and keep in place

So **** this life
**** the next one
I just wanted to be happy
So as I finish off the third bottle
I'll tear into my wrist
With the freshly sharpened blade
Load the 45 preparing for the end
Because it's only 11:12

By the end of the night
My wrist will stop bleeding
My blood will mix
With the salty sand and water
Making me one with this beach
Because I don't care for life
Here on this land
The Sea has always been my home

See a broken feeling
Not only comes from a broken home
It comes from
The many woman
You offer your heart too
Hoping it's an elegant enough gift
So you can at least
Be given a chance

But as the numbers rack up
The cracks get deeper
And start connecting
Pieces start falling
And that heart
You once had
Becomes almost nothing
Then nothing at all

See I'm even more broken
Because of her
She said she loved me
She got my hopes up
I thought she was perfect
And maybe that's where it went wrong
I put her on a pedal-stool
But I tried to just make her happy

I didn't need big words
Like a dictionary
Or deep lines
Like an old woman's wrinkles
To tell her or show her
That I ******* loved her
That I was loyal to her
But she broke a broken man even further

Maybe I wasn't enough
Maybe I'll never be enough
So **** it
I'm 5 o'clock drunk at 11:51
It's almost time for me to go
So I'll write another suicide note
Further up the shore
So the tide doesn't wash it away

So how should I write this
Like a regular note
Or make it like a business letter
I guess it doesn't matter
I'm leaving this place
Because I'm tired of being used
And tired of being broken
I already know you're not going to miss me

So maybe one last swig
One more cut
Just to bleed a little faster
It's 11:59 at night
Almost 12 like I wanted
The moon is high
And so is the tide
So I guess it's time to say goodbye

I took too much time
Wasted enough of it
All for what
A bullet to the brain
Yeah I guess I have
******* world
Hope you read and remember my poetry
Learn the kind of guy I wa.....

Dig, level, set
Frame, stretch, nail
Processes repetitive
Outside looking in
Bird ******* eyes
Perched upon porches
Deemed easy enough a job
Physical demand obvious observation
Biased evaluation without involvement
You can read a book
Watch a video
Learn the process
Yet what's lacking
When yours doesn't look
Nearly as good
Or picture worthy of pastel colors
It's the intricateness of an artist
The detailed eye of experience
The mental strain of determining
Where exactly is sufficient for a days labor
Where we are
Isn't satisfactory so more motivation
Pumped into fuel lines
As augers break ground
Eagle eyes marking straight lines
As muscle puts in place
Never enough to be where you are
With the next 15 line posts
Dug, post in whole
Prepared to be conquered
Reach the end of a line
Thrill of the adventure
The end post is reached for
Still wanting the excitement
Add a corner post
Chase a new line
New obstacles unseen
Hidden adversities take form
Roots, nature's little ***** trap
Electric and gas lines
Humanities little twist
Comical to one
Aggravating to three
That's life is it not
Series of stages
Building and building
Fundamentally the same
Different with every line
Panels a little short
An inch or two longer
Maybe a jog adding a curve
Avoiding a hassle
Prepared for with careful planning
Executed by lessons previously learned
Going with the flow
But keeping an appearance
Making individuality transparent
To even the untrained
Without a perspective placed in sweaty boots
You shouldn't determine
Whether this job or the next
Easy or hard
Take into account
Clientele, human behavior
Outsourced obstacles manufactured
Seasons change
Constant reevaluating courses of action
Orchestrating others with mutual benefits
As wallets become less hungry
Piggy banks no longer butchered
Building the fence
May look easy to you
With knowledge learned
Instead of implemented
What's the point of having a car
If you still walk everywhere you go
Knowledge isn't experience
Experience is wisdom
Making metaphors out of labor
You probably won't participate in
Understanding is the ultimate power
Learning life lessons
Without having to wage wars

I may not know what it's like being bullied
But I know what it's like being the bully
My naturally massive frame
Came with swirlies and stuffed lockers
But I eventually saw the harm I was causing
On the wrist of a kid I once bullied
I sat him down
Asked him why his scars matched that of mine
He replied with a shocking remark
"You don't help with the **** I'm going through"
I told him this
"I don't want to be the bully anymore"
I stopped every bully in the school from ******* with him
I helped kids out who were being victimized
I went from bully to friend
People were still scared of me
But I managed to take that fear
And make a movement towards helping
Every kid I once bullied
Call me mean call me whatever
I know what I once was
I'm proud of what I'm not

Send this life up in smoke
Let the ashes burn
Every wall shall crumble
Every soul shall fade
Every tear shall evaporate
Burn it down
Burn the castle walls
Of an empire
Burn down every building
These voices call home
Burn it all
Gasoline soaked pillows
Engulf this village of vacancy
With flames of black heat
Fill the lungs of badly burned bodies
With smoke poison
Burn it down
Set everything ablaze
Start from the inside
And work your way out

Three foot wide
Eight feet long
Song lyrics in the background
No longer able to play Hoover
As leaks turn to floods
I couldn't help it
That knife pleaded
It carried voices
Whispered elegant futures
Inspiring me to do it
That blade turned to a shovel
I'm the murderer
I'm the undertaker
Watch me bury it
Concrete the casket
Reinforced to surpass
What the Romans built
I couldn't take it anymore
Emotional instability
So don't judge me
Don't complain
You all took advantage
Thought pie lasted forever
Gluttonous they became
No one greedy enough
To just claim the baker
So I'll ask for forgiveness
Rather than the permission
To execute my own heart
For I'm not the one
That will be the victim
Any longer than I already was

Never budging
Reinforced
Constructed to hold your burdens
Yet here at my core
You’ll only see cracks
Strong and sturdy
Rebar and cement
Movement imminent
Can you feel the vibrations
The trembling
Of me growing weaker
But I am the foundation
Left in ruin rubble
From years of neglect
You so carelessly overlooked

You begin your day as if its a ritual
Start with a perfect high
Stringing yourself like a puppet on ****
Go to work at 4 in the morning
You say you feel like she's not attracted to you
You're my brother
The man I've looked up to for the longest
Tattoos and piercings
Killer style I wish I had
Walk into rooms and already the party starts
You taught me the basics of life
You call yourself a man
Yet what happens when you get home
She's mad because you're talking to other girls
Fight breaks out because you feel your in the right
Holes start punching themselves in the walls
Just from the loudness of your voice
Doors ripped off the hinges
Bite marks and bruises
Plaster her harm and legs
Baseball bats raised as threats
I wish you knew how much I hate it
When you call yourself a man
When you're acting like a *****
Raising your hand to her
You called me and said blood was thicker than water
Yet every time you get violent
Your blood is thinner than the water I drink
Tylenol 8 at a time
Ibuprofen 3 by 3
**** one dose at a time
Just enough to make you sensible to the fact
You're losing your family
You call yourself a man
Yet look at yourself
I just wish I could pick you up
Pull you out from the abyss you crawled in
By our motto has always been
You get yourself in you pull yourself out
No help needed
No hands outstretched
Even if they are we high 5 them and say I got this
You taught me this
You taught me Ollie's and kick flips
You taught me how to fix bikes
Ramp them till the chain popped
Yet now looking ahead
I known I'm more of a man than you
You told me to shave because I haven't earned it
Yet you my brother need to shave
Perhaps a wax would do
Just because we all know now
Your less than the man you claim to be

Call it what you want
I call it relief
I call it easing my pain
I call it ending my sorrow
You call it ******
When its actually called suicide
But its a last resort
To someone who has been through hell
Who can't cope with any of it
So call it ******
I'll call it a path to peace

With a soft dancing flame
You slowly melt away
You provide me light
When the lights are out
Within the dark hallways
You guide me
Candles
Such a beautiful aroma you let off
With a simple slight gust
Your flickering heart goes out
Awaiting your next and new spark
Together again you will be

Less than a month
I'll be 18 years old
Maybe I'll be able to grasp
The escape rope of life
Stop breast feeding on the ******* of my parents wealth
Drink the sweet vitamin enrich milk of freedom
No longer the outcast of school hallways
***** looks of freshman
As they all say they want to **** me
Knowing all to well I'm not risking life in jail
Can you believe it
I'm almost 18
Nothings changed
I've been 23 since my parents forced me to be the mature one

Tires squealing
Rubber meets asphalt
Melting into each other
As the motor still revving
Steering wheel cuts
Blackout
Metal to metal
An explosion ensues
Parts flying body's like ragdolls
Bones break skin
Glass shatters splintering bodies
How did we survive this torrent of chaos
His ankle breaks
Her body whiplashed
My leg  snaps
Concussion to severe to even remember
Even one act that took place
EMT telling me emergency surgery
Then hospital lights dim
And I'm awake wondering
How the **** did I get here
Panic sets
Questions boiling
Telephone doesn't dial itself
Is everyone alright
Yeah you were the worst
Thank God
Glad everyone's safe and alive
But I don't see how I am
Car twisted driver side caved
Windshield barely there
And I walk away on one leg
Whatever reason I have to live
I better hurry and live up to it
Before I **** myself putting 80 on the dash

My heart grows weak
Mentality stronger
Knowing what I want
The consequences
Every decision brings
Bridges will burn
Staircases reach brick doorways
Life's a maze
Alternative routes
Backtracking a denied thought
Change
It's the thing we fear
Laughter at pain
Realizing the stupidity
In one action
Set free by another
One false move could be the last
But which ones
It's a dangerous game we play
Live love laugh cry regret
Dissolve when we close our eyes
Only thing they'll ever remember
Was the decisions
That changed you
Made you the person
You're still growing into
Toes to the water
Cannonballs just to live wild
What's the point of it all
Change is inevitable
But the memories
Are they worth it
Maybe if they're with the right one
Lessons are manufactured
Knowledge is implemented
Wisdom the reward
We offer the next generation

Dreams always on the back burner
Friends always there
Family too close to care
I've always chased what I couldn't have
Always within reach
But missed by fingertip kisses
I've chased love and a relationship
Not Petty puppy love
But the real thing
Always chasing never chased
Even with her so close
Constantly too far
Am I making the right move
Trying to grasp something
I'm never meant to hold
I see my priorities
I have them accounted for
Yet what I've always wanted
Stays centimeters from me
Too far to chase
Too exciting to ignore
I always fall before I know the risk
My only reward another fracture in my soul
Stomach too twisted to care
Heart too cold to hold on
Am I just chasing shadows
Or is there a body
Casting the silhouette of my dreams
With her curls and fragile frame
Smile that echoes a thousand heartbeats
Eyes that fuel infernos
Too bright to not be afraid of
Her attitude too perfect not to adore
Maybe I'm not sane
Chasing what I know I can't have

You didn't have time to react
Nuclear reactors melting
Why couldn't I have given you a signal
Allowed you to evacuate the valley
I just wanted death and chaos
I never wanted your heart to be inhabitable
I wanted it all to myself
Yet left myself in ruin
Alone in the dark
With only ghostly dolls to play with
I was another Chernobyl
Another disaster in the plains of your heart
Another tragedy soon to be forgotten

Ole Faithful playing her tune
My fingers running through the strands
Of her long steel hair
Lullabies echo out of her belly
My left hand tight around her neck
Choking her neck
Music still plays
This horror film rhythm flows
Memories of the origins play back
Like a broken record stuck on a note
I'm choking Ole Faithful
Dust fills her lungs
Yet she still sings so beautifully
Why can't her melody die
Am I not squeezing hard enough
Her steel woven strings
Cutting deep into my fingertips
I'm the one bleeding
She's the one singing
**** it die already
Your lullaby haunts my nightmares
Like your mothers tears
Choking the neck of my guitar
Wanting nothing more
Than to forget why I started playing
This lullaby of forgotten memories
Serenade symphonies of pure hell now
This old guitar just won't die
I can't **** it
But its killing me
Every second I'm dreaming
Remembering the reason
I started choking it in the first place

This is for all you political
Corrupted back stabbing ****** bag
Son of a *******
Who think you can get off on our taxes
Wipe your *** with our opinions
You ******* ****** think you're all high and mighty
Well ***** listen up
From all of us middle class and poor
From all of us you look down on
Chuparme la polla
Lick it up and down
Side to side
And watch as the ***
Shoots all over your ******* face
Because I am a ******* loyal citizen
But I get treated like I don't ******* matter
You ****** me off
So I'll **** on you right after
Chupas mi polla

One turns into three
They add up
Stockpiling corpses of cardboard boxes
Butts in ashtrays still smoldering
Ash fills my lungs
As I chase nerve endings
Why won't they stop vibrating
Straight lines turned to circles
I'm going crazy
Staring at blank paper
I want to fill with my emotions
Cigarettes draining my pocket
Faster than my hands can my heart
Encased in this tomb of black
Lungs suffocating in soot
Convincing my liver it should rot
Easily married the fire and alcohol
Tag team duo
Hell bent on decaying me inside out
So what if my insides die
I'll finally be whole
Deceased inside and out
Face removed of emotion
Heart filled to the brim
One more cigarette and I'll finish this out
Disgusting in all its essence
I just need the fix
To ease my racing nerves
Before anxiety causes metal to twist
High speed chase
Nicotine or anxiety
Which will **** me first

I'll travel to the end of the world
Watch the stars get evicted from the heavens
Watch as the desolation of the night sky
Becomes a vacant premise of empty hopes
Watch as the dreams of several generations
Evaporate as they plummet into the atmosphere
They call this the circle of last hopes
Everything eventually dies
Reborn in the mind of the descendants
Rotting ever so slowly
Like the hopes and dreams
They scream towards the heavens

Clear skies
Clear water
Staring off into the distance
At the point where they meet

Such a beautiful sight
But you still can hear
The current calling you
Violently wanting to drown you

Even the most beautiful things
Hold the greatest evil
Even hear on the shore
I'm not safe, only mesmerized

Clear skies
Clear water
All seen with a clear mind
No longer clouded by my emotions

Condemned
To a life that wants to take me
To a heart chained and restrained
To emotions not shown or supported

Condemned
To love for you that kills me slowly
To darkness forever with no way out
To fears that no one can understand

I’m tired and sick
Of trying and failing
Thinking I had a reason to get back up
But look to see and its gone

Condemned
To people who believe in a god that doesn’t believe in me
To a world lost and forsaken
To anger, hatred, and pain towards the giver of my life

Condemned
To demons I created for myself
To be a nightmare the world created
To be an orphan of society

You hold me gently
Letting me slither down your throat
You feel the burn of my venom
Slowly drifting you off into another life
I'm that bottle of jacks you cracked open
I'm the two cubes of ice
Clinking and clanking against the glass
I'm the condensation dripping off the glass
Onto your black satin pants
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just to ease your problems

You hold me tightly
Letting my edges run across foreign skin
You feel the sting of my tip
Slowly rowing you off into a fantasy
I'm the blade you hold with pride
The drops of blood
Dripping and puddling at your feet
I'm the scar that wont go away
Hiding under ******* and bracelets
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just to feel relief from yesterday

You hold me shaking
Letting my every fiber run around your neck
You feel the tightness of my grasp
Slowly release you from reality
I'm the noose you tide awkwardly
The black and blues
Bruising and beating on your neck
I'm the first resort you run to
Chasing off your worries along with the oxygen
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just to get away from the depression

You hold me sweetly
Letting my cold steel hide behind your finger
You feel the weight of every bullet
Slowly sending you off to slumber
I'm the pistol you're afraid of
The silver and gold
Sparkling and shining in front of your face
I'm the last option you ever think of
Killing your thoughts with the pulling of a trigger
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just to save yourself from tomorrow

These are my confessions as the midnight stranger
Always witnessing you leaving me behind
Rushing yourself out the door in the morning
No trace that our love ever existed
Even when I loved you like no other
Because I was the only one to ever love you
But you never shared love with
It was always hate
Pain we both endured together
As you forced me to take away your depression
Forcing me to **** the only friend I thought I could make
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just because I'm all you ever had

A fairytale not many can relate to
A paradox not many can understand
The fusion of ions
The immense ritualistic ways of comprehension
Are you following me still?
Slightly confused by the previous words?
Yeah same here
I don't know much anymore
Poetry went wacky
Seriously, it's repulsive
I don't even make sense of the emotions
That every metaphor or simile has to offer
I lost in confusion
Who's side do I fight on
Who's side will be the most beneficial
Do I side with something that has always brought distress
Or do I side with something that has always brought me synthetic emotions
Confusion, oh oh, confusion
What do I do when I'm so ******* confused
Yeah I just sang those two lines
I'm bored
Being confused is a *****
Russian roulette could bring more results
You have to love Russians
They have the best liquor
And they have the best games
I love Russia
Maybe I will move there one day
I'm confused
What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah right me being lost in confusion
Eh you get the point
I don't know what to do anymore
Just drown in darkness some more

I feel it deeper than my soul
A void growing larger than an abyss
Ravaging constantly
A mindset I reject
Trying with all my essence
To grip to the hope
One little smile will be what will save me
What will keep my nails dug
Into canyon walls
I want to keep climbing
Chasing clouds
I want to fade into the blue
Yet gravity holds me
Pulling me at me harder
As muscles wear thin
Exhaustion setting in
Safety rope long ran out
Still I climb
Still I set my sights on the horizon
Just over the edge
The only constant
Is the faith others have in me
That keeps strength in a broken spirit

You asked me if I remembered you
Like I forgot you
I still have our conversations from a year ago
Your picture still in my phone
Name drawn to perfection
Still in the back of my binder
How could I forget you
Could I ever?
I was your vault to so many secrets
Things I even forgot
But I remember you telling me
"Can I tell you a secret?"
You trusted me when not many others did
I guess you just faded
We both did
I'm not the guy you used to know
Always writing poetry that made sense
Having the talent to actually tell you how you feel
I guess I'm not worried about forgetting you
Your a permanent reminder of who I used to be
The guy you could talk to for any reason
The guy miles away you never met
Just knew could put a smile on your face
Even when things at home seemed unbearable
I wonder if you remember me as that guy
Or wonder who I am now
An alcoholic? Pothead? Homeless freak going nowhere?
Guess I'm a little of all the above
Could I forget you was the question
No I could never
Could you forget me?
If not tell me who I was
Maybe I can be that guy one more time

Every star a number
Every cliche a vow
Seems I lost count
Of every word I ever said to you
Only three seem to matter to me
Yet my lips hide them from you
As my teeth want to embed them
Into your neck as if to say hi
It all resembles the countless days
I spent loving you
Without realizing I was wishing
On every shooting star
Just to hear you say it once