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rachel Aug 2014
I wish that I could see the things that you will see
I wish that I could feel the pain that you will feel
I wish that I could show you how much you mean to me
I hope that when you finish this you'll know my love is real
rachel Aug 2014
My mind is a prison
A cell that holds me
Locked inside
Oppressed
With no way out
Left to my own devices
Contemplating everything
This scares me

My mind is a vast field
Open and free
Beauty everywhere
In places you would least expect
Hope runs wild here
I run wild here
My heart is free
Freedom releases me

My mind is a black hole
Darkness
Deep and never ending
Swirling into nothing
It ***** me in
Never let's me go
And shrinks me down
Depressing me

My mind is a machine
Creating stories and strategies
Learning to love
Building
Structures rise from ashes
As I rise above the rest
And tell the world that it am here
That I am me

I am free.
rachel Aug 2014
Water is a blanket for the drowning
A comfort while you sink
It cradles you to sleep
Your eyes fall closed
Your mind drifts away with the waves
The light burns your eyes
As you slowly awake
White everywhere
A heavenly cliche
A light and the beginning of the tunnel
The start of a new life
His presence
Warm and loving
Forgiving
He lifts you up and takes you with him
He saves you from the wreck
rachel Aug 2014
Why is it that our harshest memories, the ones we try so hard to suppress, are the ones that we are unable to forget? These glimpses of our past, windows into our shadowy souls, stay vivid and persistent. No matter how much we try,  we cannot cage the animals or stop the flooding images from drowning our thoughts.  
      I have this one image, a face in a gray and rainy place, where my one biggest regret lies. The face creeps into my vision, casting a shadow on the rest of the world for a minute, just until I find the key and lock it back inside. The way that it, he, rushes back is what gets me. It is as if the moment is a reunion, where both of us run into each others arms and rekindle past months. But in reality, where I choose to live only a fraction of my days, we don't know each other. We never did. But yet, I feel the weight of him on me, as if I do know him, as if I bare his soul on my back. He is so heavy, and I feel that he wants me to share his life, his lies. There is just too much for one person to handle, and he has chosen me to lift him up and share the misery.
This is more of a thought; an observation.
rachel Aug 2014
Rain is falling on my left
Dark clouds hover over my head
The sun sets to my right

The ground waits longingly for the sun's touch
The sky lights up
And I walk along through the strawberry haze
rachel Aug 2014
Frost in my eyes and pain in my chest
Rev it up
The faster I go the more I feel it
The louder the engine the deeper the cuts
I enjoy it

I grin when the wind roars through the window and lands harshly on my face
Embrace
The chilling whisper of the world at 8 o'clock
So dark
So cold
Below 34
Cold but not quite freezing
Reflection
Mirrors my mood
rachel Aug 2014
My eyes are open
I see white
White everywhere
My dress is white
My shoes are white
The sheets on the bed
White
But I feel like a different color
I feel red
Red for pain
Red for bloodshed
Red for love
Red for passion
I feel weak yet strong
Red
I look down as I walk
I am ashamed
I keep my head down
No one can see into me now
My secrets are safe
I stop walking
The end of my journey is here
The beginning of a new one is a step away
I take that step and look up
I see his face
His beautiful, scarred face
What happened to him?
Where did he get those scars?
I look back down
I see my flowing white dress
I see his black tuxedo
We are opposites
In every way
My hands are warm and sticky
I look back down and see blood
Red blood
All over my hands
What's happening?!  
I look in front of me
Gone
Fallen
Lying on the ground
I feel panic
Chaos
Adrenaline
Fear
Red
I close my eyes and wish to wake up from this nightmare
I close them tightly
I refuse to open them until I am safe
Back to where I was
Where he was sitting next to me on the way home
Perfectly alive
Laughing and smiling
This place is peaceful
My reality
I feel a jolt
A shock runs through my body
My eyes focus
I feel heavy
Yet full of life
I want to wake up
And see him there
Am I ready?
My eyes flutter open
I see white
Bright lights in my face
Freedom
The nightmare is gone
I feel something in my hand
I look to see what it is
He is holding my hand
Keeping me grounded
Keeping me safe
I look up to his face and begin to cry
He sees me and kisses me for a lifetime
As if we have been apart for ages
I feel his joy
I am alive
Grateful
Pure
White
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