there are over one million words in the english language

but when you told me you loved me
last november
i couldn't form a clear thought
i couldn't even nod my head

let alone say it back

What if,
The definition is different
For everyone
It finds?

Once a knew a girl, a world traveler at best, who only wore heels and feather from her ears
She loved to tells her stories to strangers she had met, and from her lips her lies were always charming
People didn’t mind, or never knew because her smile was a rare form a radiating beauty
And she held her head high; her glasses half full, a philosophy she learned from always hiding  

Classy, yet demanding fit to be a queen but there will never be anyone to fit her
Her laugh made others happy as she sat on elephants, while her tears made even men cry
Brave one, oh brave one, your snakes around your neck give kisses so don’t you fret
But she will always be alone, loved by everyone but no one to stay with her forever

As she grew older, her journeys slowed down seeking a permanent home
Away from adventure, society’s glam, just her and her pet kiki
Her red trailer was park on hill top to see how the world would go about without her
Still wearing her heels and some sort of carcass, she thought she was still on the stage  

I met her again at train station, thrilled that I remember her from the past
She the kind of girl who becomes famous without caring about her bills
A genuine gracefulness, something that I will never forget she stand tall like an Amazon
And although she was cultured, two bags at her side off again to make life meaning-full

Classy, yet demanding fit to be a queen but there will never be anyone to fit her
Her laugh made others happy as she sat on elephants, while her tears made even men cry
Brave one, oh brave one, your snakes around your neck give kisses so don’t you fret
But she will always be alone, loved by everyone but no one to stay with her forever

70 million ways to
remind you why you
make my skin flutter
and heart crawl

but I couldn't even begin
to put into words,
as your eyes matched mine,
In level and intensity

and
With fear of the unknown
and equally the known,
with fervor,
with yearning
with despair

eyes ignited
eyes in stasis
bruised but widened

I'm
terribly sober
but intoxicated by you
and I can talk
and talk
when I'm intoxicated

70 millions things
I'm compelled to say
but I don't know
where to begin

I just can't
though believe me
when I tell you
that I want to

Who do I cry for anymore?
Myself or lack thereof?