I run my hand along the traces of him.
I feel the blood rush through my skin.

I grip my shoulder where your head once rested.
I tear at my soul just to feel connected.

I feel the rage I should have felt eleven months ago,
I feel the desire I ought to forgo.

You were the best of all the others,
Their traces remain, but they weren't even lovers.

And neither were we, almost but not quite,
But you were the closest I have been to the shame free light.

I want to be clean of the stain he left,
I want to be clean of the desire I regret.

But as I look at this mark that you left on me,
I am not so sure I want to be free.

A shot and some salt as the ball drops.
I can't believe it all happened.
And I can't believe that I was on the verge of tears.
This heartbeat never stops.

I drank the fire, I breathed in the smoke.
But I didn't breathe in you, and that is what made me choke.

So many people caught up in connecting,
Yet I felt so distant, caught up in recollecting.

My life is not the one that I knew two years ago,
My soul is altogether different, no longer white like snow.

But I was never pure, I have been ****** from the beginning,
I am still thinking about last night,
I am so scared that I still want you,
My world may still be spinning.

To forget is a beautiful thing,
This delicate intoxication is a new way to sing.

But no matter what I couldn't forget that I wasn't close to you,
All the fire couldn't burn away the knowing that "Us" is no longer true.

I just want to be ok with whatever this is,
I just want to be close without having to be his.

I wanted to forget and maybe our feelings could be enough,
But nothing happened last night and I just got drunk.

Let's go to the mountain top
and scream
and scream
until the sorrow in our voices
is no more

I stared long and hard at the clouds,
And the longer I stared the more I convinced myself to think,
That they were great hills , now mountains,
Rising into the twilight sky.

It seemed for a moment that I was rushing through a valley,
Deep and long,
It seemed for a moment that life was beautiful,
And all my pain melted into the phantom ridge - line above me.

But the illusion dissolved as the road lights flashed,
And the clouds broke and I was reminded,
That nothing watched over me,
No great height stretched out its hand to cover my soul in shadow,
Or to hide my face from the night.

Maybe one day I will look at the darkling sky and feel at peace,
But now the night and the mountainous clouds only remind me,
Of being alone and uncovered.

The moon rises and I feel all the nights of my past rush in,
All the hurt and the crying,
All the hate and the lying.

All the tragic discord of my youth,
Streaked along the sky.
There is no mountain that watches over my soul tonight,
Nothing between my eyes and the dark.

If you are giving me space I don't want it.

The fruit flies come in a flash,
the fruit flies multiply in an instant,
the fruit flies buzz and bizz
making their business
all that is rotten.

I hate that I can't be mad at you
Here's to all the ways I bled for you
I can't stop thinking about you
I can't stop caring about you
I have been crying all week about you
Everyone has been asking me why but I can't say its because of you
I just wish I knew how to be happy with you
I just wish I could be with you
I don't need much from you
I miss the feeling of being wanted by you
The only one I want to talk to is you
My heart screams and storms for you
I wanted to know every part of you
I just want to find a way to still be close to you
In some way that can feel certain to you
Because I can't be mad at you
I hope in some strange way you still love me and I still love you