it's painfully hard to grow used to the simplicity of life,
to get rid of that stupid, stupid feeling in your gut
that there's more to it than this.
it breaks people,
it crushes them,
it destroys all their beliefs.

it is my worst enemy.
and it has the upper hand.

Nobody notices the girl who gets nothing on Valentines day.
She feels like a ghost, floating through the halls. She feels the most lonely on days she should feel the most loved.
Spacing out, feeling her heart sink, Her mind slowing.
Focusing only on what it's like to feel alone.
Isn't that sad?

you tell them:
"she broke up with me"
"she said she'd never leave
but she did"
"she never cared for me
and expected me
to care for her"
"she always lied"
"she broke my heart"

but

i sat in the dark
weeping
and you went out
playing

i was alone.
i called you.
you rejected
my call
and posted
a new photo
on instagram

you refused to meet me
and avoided me in school.

tell me who's heart is broken?
tell me who broke who's heart?

i never left.
you were the one
who walked away.

Waiting for you is like
waiting for the future
is like
waiting for a bus I've never taken before
is like
waiting for rain in a strange country
for the beat to drop in a song new to my ears

How will I know when?
When will I see how?
Anticipation is adrenaline.
How much, I cannot tell.

every day
another relationship status changes
another photo of a ring
another wedding invite arrives

And I'm alone

And it's fine.

who needs a valentine
when you can spontaneously buy a baby betta fish
Watch it swim circles in my otherwise empty heart

I am the most important thing
to a form of life

So.

I'm fine.