he was raised to love
not to hate
he really did love her
he never felt the same about anyone before her
and hopefully
there wouldnt be an after.

he was also raised in a household
where fighting
was a norm.
he saw everyday his mother getting yelled at and beaten
by his step-father
and he would be threatened to fight with him.
(and by agreeing, he felt that could possibly help his mother open her eyes)
he never thought he could hate
but he did.
he sincerely hated
with a passion.
so much so that he started to actually feel it.
literal heartache.
he started to fear himself
knowing that he could both
love and
hate so greatly.
with his love,
he didnt want her to know
but he had put up a barrier
between both
her and him.
she started to sense it though.
she wanted to love him wholeheartedly
but he just wouldnt
allow it.

he was too afraid to hurt both her and him.
putting up a barrier couldve been the exact thing that could save them.
Like his family that was separated yet together
both crossed between
love and hate.

Tonight
Im having trouble
sleeping again.
So I am writing.
You seem not to care
and forgotten about your
****** jacket and so it stays
across my room.
folded.
in the closet.
inside of my bin of clothes
Im gettin rid of which is also next to the
bin of clothes
that surely dont fit
anymore

We met
           under a shower
of bird-notes.
           Fifty years passed,
love's moment
           in a world in
servitude to time.
           She was young;
I kissed with my eyes
           closed and opened
them on her wrinkles.
           'Come,' said death,
choosing her as his
            partner for
the last dance, And she,
            who in life
had done everything
            with a bird's grace,
opened her bill now
            for the shedding
of one sigh no
            heavier than a feather.