I lost her to thin air  but found her in an elevator when we were both too drunk to take the stairs
And both out of enough of our funks to not care
As I was drunk and I needed lips and hers were there
Strawberry lip balm if I can remember correctly in a morning that was ever too foggy but tasted so clear
Berries above a neck of vanilla creme to the body with everything, everything, I mean everything
Back dimples centered around a birthmark, breats b cups but bursting, body skinny but jaw dropping
Beauty beautiful gorgeous all the same with public school hips only with practice can you tame
And broken hearts scabbing over a past life's scars are healing and we can feel it cuz its been months and nightmares ago but we've changed

Maturity or the quest to maintain proven false beliefs in purity in the form of trusting a ****** again while alone in my room
Dodging a half packed, half open suitcase and pairless socks in the dark..and who would of known feelings would spark so soon,
But call them feeling if you want to as both of us are looking like I'm on to you
Is this traps, trickery, or treason as we find old love spots and squeeze them cuz this may be a surprise but its not new
Looking into her eyes bring a cold shoulder in twos but then she is ******* and smiling....whispering I missed you...
And I missed her to...I missed her in the way pairless socks miss feet and shoes and even flip flops to....

I missed her after those nightmares replaced phone call lullabies and that feeling of her warmest hug by her hardest goodbye...
But now were laying together and why?
Did half finished bottles and condensation capped beers really do more then apologies and love notes in the longest texts we've ever seen
So easy to delete memories through screens but  not so easy when they stand before you or lay beneath your jeans
Not so easy when she finds a cursed diablo in her dreams in the form of a liar and his mistakes behind shades that I just wish didnt look so much like me
I can't tell if she'll remember the night we've seen with her eyes being so glossy and so out of focus and her every gaze so misty...
I just wish the title of wife didn't come under the muscles of a tounge so flawed before the women I'd rightfully title god
But were just drunk, and this is mistakes in the making,  hence why when I say do you still love me she can't say it  yet...only nod..

Her peers would've pronounced her
"Fat, stupid, ugly.
Useless, annoying, crazy."
Her parents would claim she was
"Immature, lazy, and meek.
Troubled, moping, and weak."
Her ex would say she seemed
"Desperate, lonely, and sad." He'd say that since he dumped her she'd gone half mad.
Her friends may've told you she was
"Broken, scared, depressed-" well I think you could guess at the rest.
Her therapist said she wasn't doing very well.
Then the doctors sighed there was no more they could do to help.
Her angel said she came too soon to his loving arms, but know that now she is safe far from all harm.

It hurt so much when you said I should hate you.
Cuz that's the problem, I still care so much about you.
You're an idiot, you're selfish,
You say I'm stupid but you're the one who's foolish.
You said you were terrified-
That things would change, that you'd hurt me.
Well now you can't look me in the eyes,
Ever since you said we weren't something that's lasting.
I asked what I did, what made you so unhappy?
You used the old cliché "Babe, it's not you, it's surely just me."

I've been staring at you all day, my lonely little scar;
The first I ever made on myself,
And the deepest by far.
I made you two nights ago with tears running down my eyes.
I made you when I didn't care whether I was dead or alive.
Lonely awful cut on my thigh;
Now you've collected some friends and you add up to five.
You're my secret.
If anyone ever sees you I'll be on suicide watch, again.
I made you because I'm weak,
And I am too afraid of my own voice to even speak-
In my defense.
And I cannot alone bear all my inner demons.
I guess that's why I cut you out some friends.
See, my parents say I'm normal-
Like they don't know I'm crazy.
My old boyfriend said I'd be okay-
But he was one of the main ones to hurt me.
**** it all, I just want to be happy.
Momma says I'm lazy,
And daddy's not so worried about me,
Cuz they don't know the half of it.
I am ever just trying so hard to please them.
Why would I tell them they've got such a ****** up kid?
I watched my blood trickle down like rain,
And it took my mind off the pain.
I made my outsides match my insides.
Little slice in my skin, why do you think I made you somewhere I could hide?
Would it help anyone at all if I admit I'm not better?
Is it still a cry for help if it's just a whisper?
Or if I don't tell anyone?
They can't ever know what I've done.
So I'll write it in a poem,
So I'll never need to tell them.
And I promise it'll be one of the worst things I've ever written,
Cuz for once I don't feel this in words, just raw emotion.
Lonely little scar,
No one can know but I'm falling apart.

Christianity:
Love everybody, no matter what;
If they're homosexual or even a ****,
It doesn't matter what life they lead.
Help your fellow man if he's in need,
You really needn't add to your growing greed.
Jesus said the most important thing in the world is love,
And that we should be kind to others even if they're not kind to us.
We've all sinned and we're all equal in God's eyes,
So mistakes of someone's past are no excuse for us to despise.
We know we are all children of The Lord,
So we should love every last person in this world.

Bigotry**:
If they're different, they're evil.
If it scares me, it's from the devil.
If I feel uncomfortable about something done by my fellow men,
Then surely it must be a sin.
Always judge, always be intolerant.
I think I'm moral, but I'm just ignorant.

Sometimes I sit in my room and try to cry quietly.
Because that way no one will hear me.
I try to be silent with my tears,
because someone knowing how weak I am seems to be my biggest fear.
But there's also a part of me that wishes they would.
Then maybe someone would care, and help, and make me feel understood.
But since that's so unlikely,
I'll keeping crying quietly,
Hoping no one will notice me.

Don’t over ponder the things you don’t have power
Sometimes you just have to let time slide by
For the chances to pass by
Making a road of much better opportunity along the way…

In life some chances are not meant to be understood
But intended to be learned as you had experienced those times



*© Pax