His eyes were not the reminder of a once well known friend they were the reminder that I only got three hours of sleep last night and there's a test on something I couldn't wrap my brain around because I was too busy searching how to tie a noose on a screen to bright for my tired eyes. I never knew he'd show up unexpectedly at dinner and I could almost see my mothers nose crinkle in disgust either from the stench of my lack of motivation or simply the smell of death. He had this way of holding himself. Hands shaking like a ticking time bomb or way to ready to jump to the next thing to ease the situation.
To ease the situation.
Ease the situation.
The smile carved as big as the jokers planted on a pale face and sunken eyes.
he had bags under his eyes.
bags under his eyes
Under his eyes.
Grimacing under growing bruises and bones that creaked with every movement because he is like an old house. Fun to look at and imagine what it was like in its glory days but spiderwebs and dust seem to be a better turn off than the word no.
No one told them that depression is a battle ground that theyd have to pick up their long lost child from.

Why is it that everytime I try to take care of him, I just scare him off?
I just want you to know I'm here for you that's all!

I'm not declaring my love to you by just holding your hand if you're sad!
I'm not crushing on you, just because I want to run my fingers through your hair everytime you lay your head on your arms

Just let me be like a sister to you.
That's all I really want, a male family member. A guy who will tell my boyfriend he's dead if he ever hurts me.

Does she give you butterflies?
Has she given you a purpose to get out of bed again?
Did you burn yourself when you pushed it to hard?
When you pushed her to hard.

Maybe she didn't expect it
Maybe you should have given her signs, so she could brace herself
So she could armor herself from your overwhelming grace.
So she wouldn't have hurt you.

Did you really think I wouldn't notice?
The first day of school I knew this was going to happen.
That's the kind of effect she has on people.
So tell me,

Does she give you butterflies?

False hope may be the worst kind of betrayal in the world.
Maybe because the person who caused it, most times doesn't even notice that.

The feeling you get when something good seems to happen, when things finally start to make sense. But then the directions turn and you are back at start, trying to solve a puzzle that's got pieces missing.

the world looks different
not better
not worse

when you open your eyes wide
and stop trying to piece together
your life between eyelashes

it's not good
it's not bad
it's just real


for the first time i can see you
the way you are
i can see what i tried to hide from myself

i was scared
now i know
you look...
different

It just ***** to be left alone like that.
Because we both know that as soon as she walks into the room, you'll follow her like a lost puppy.

And I'll just be sitting there, saying: No ofcourse, go sit with her! I'm doing fine over here.

Just really really *****

I never knew it would be so hard, to explain a non-reader what reading a book feels like.

How am I supposed to tell him I'd rather live inside fantasy, than live my real life.

How is he  supposed to understand, that when I read a book I don't just read the story, I become the story.

Close your eyes
count backwards from fifty
Asleep you shall fall
Surely, but swiftly

If that doesn't work
It's okay, don't despair
Count imaginary sheep
As they leap through the air

You need to catch some z's
Your body is tired
Ignore the mere fact
That your mind is so wired

Oxygenate your cells
Don't worry, just breathe
Feeling relaxed yet?
Soon you'll drift to the land of dream

What's that? You're still up?
Perhaps you're just parched
Grab a quick glass of water
Then back to bed you shall march

As long as you're up
Might as well make a snack
Digestion should wear you
As the food makes way through your tract

You've wasted enough time
Now back to your slumber
Collapse onto the mattress
Slide under the covers

Each day you face your demons
Though at times it feels you're not winning
Inhale, exhale slowly
Now let's start again from the beginning