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Feb 2021 · 155
an abstract memory
prāz Feb 2021
i remember you like winter- untold
a whistle in the heft of its dawn
warm in the touch of numbing air
another narrative yet to unfold


i remember you like tempest- still
haze and nimbus and blur
neptune setting down quiet amidst the thrill
akin to a morning dew sleeping on a leaf


i remember you like midnight sky
mirroring fragile stars gone astray
beyond the compass of the pacific sweeping eyes
wandering through the desert of space and time


i remember you like an afternoon pouring rain
running gently down my windowpane
fog blearing the cracks across the looking glass
another riddle yet to unravel until the last


yet...


still.


i remember you like the summer campfire sea breeze
a silver lining in the deep end
that mellow tinge of red on the horizon
amidst the serene azure no wind could mend


i remember you like my fervid morning alarms
a quiver that keeps me grounded
a tune amongst the chaos that surrounds it
the melody of a new day


i remember you like the distant lies i tell myself
that i will never be enough for somebody
intensely during dark days like these
i remember you. like i remember myself


you remind me of a ghost feeling
often swept off by thoughts that speak louder
stingin spines, humming veins, that crease across your cheeks
and all that is concealed under


lastly- not
i remember you as you are
imperfect
but mine.
© rekenerer
v// illbe
vol | d
Jan 2021 · 131
certainty
prāz Jan 2021
i want you back
to **** me again

perhaps
this depression is better-
at least i know what it is
at least i know what i feel

like dry acid down my throat
like gold mines down my gut
like a fly dead on my skin

the certainty when i enhaled
a mouthful of anthrax-enigma
and swallowed it after
screaming full

full of content
should i die tonight
at least
i knew the last feeling i had

perhaps
this depression is better
by a hundred-fold of rotten rose petals
by an extra cup of bane
by a last careful blink

perhaps
it is
perhaps
it is

than this feeling
i will never fathom what
how, why- why me
again- how- again, again

perhaps, it is not really what
that matters
perhaps, it is knowing what
that leave dents

certainty, i want you back
to **** me again
id rather die with your bare hands
than these of mine

smother me
to death
to death
tonight
© rekenerer
xrpt: qrtrs nd cntng
vol | none
Oct 2020 · 104
Not November
prāz Oct 2020
November
       is killing me, again
pitch black ink
whiff of a stygian crypt
      off me write, again.

November
       is making me write, again
same cause, same dram
but a new soul- as pure as spit, foulest-
      drank all of it, again.

November
       is making me drink again
milk boxes of rotten denial on my porch
you rang the bell
      preyed on me, again.

November
      you came gently today
but I deserve more than flakes
of your pride
       masking your touch
with words of half true lies.
© rekenerer
vol |last quarter perils
pulling up archives from 2017
not you, s
you were a bliss
Oct 2020 · 108
delusions.
prāz Oct 2020
hers was a petal cannot be carried by the arms of chivalry
but by the carelessness of the wind
hers was a rock cannot be mended by steels of pride
but by the warmth of ember fires

not with a hand that cannot take hold
but touch as light as the morning mist

his was a cuirass promised gold
now rusted alloy shed by half true lies
forlorn from the battles of better men

his was debonair white charming cape
rustled with dirt and peril
their vows forgotten
All for pride was sold
© rekenerer
xrpt: qrtrs nd cntng
vol | s
Sep 2020 · 120
Cold
prāz Sep 2020
here the cold creeps tonight
like a thief
slowly picking the locks
of my cabins foresight

how could i be at ease
when the wind sails
and the sails freeze

i am. autumn
sailing to the north
where it all begins
chilling waves come forth

i am. september
flinging amidst lost winds, allured
had one too many
but still unsure
© rekenerer
vol |22 at 2zero2zero on 22
prāz Feb 2017
This world is ran by chemicals
and we are but a slave
People **** because of drugs,
people live because it saves.

Not one of them?
Fret
People love because of hormones
not because they're brave.
© rekenerer
vol | the truth tattoos
Feb 2017 · 357
To the One I Forgot Who
prāz Feb 2017
and not so long later it passed
not with a day nor a half
merely a quarter
but a blink of a name dearly spelled
comes what i learn-
the virtue is the refusal
of sight of all shades
but never that pact of white
not even a tinge of the grayest gray white.
© rekenerer
vol | letters to the king next to me
Jan 2017 · 528
Cafeteria
prāz Jan 2017
tick tack toe
we were together;
he kept glancing,
but he never said hello.

tick tack toe
we never met again;
weakling,
it's sad to see you go.
© rekenerer
vol | the king's chase
prāz Dec 2016
You know it's over when the scents you used to love now starts to stink.
        How once you adored every brief blow of air as it bled from his neck- as it drugged you like that favorite dose of ecstasy that always sent you to forbidden dimensions you never thought existed.

      When the touch of corrupted flesh once warm- like a dip in a hot spring in the middle of autumn now feels like an avalanche of arctic winds.

        And the eyes that once stared down at you with fascination and lust, now drowns you with depths of apathy.

        Looking back to the countless wasted midnights you both once shared and how you wrecked yourself every night in the memory of it, now you cant even remember why your heart throbbed for him in the first place.
© rekenerer
vol | and that's how i killed batman
Dec 2016 · 4.9k
Kung 'di Man
prāz Dec 2016
Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalulungkot na tula ngayong gabi.

Maisusulat, halimbawa:
“Ang gabi’y mabituin, at nanginginig, asul,
ang mga tala sa dako pa roon.”
Umiikot sa langit ang hangin ng gabi, umaawit.

Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalulungkot na tula ngayong gabi.
Siya’y inibig ko, at kung minsan ako’y inibig din niya.

Sa mga gabing tulad nito,
niyakap ko siyang mahigpit
at hinagkan sa lilim ng walang-hanggang langit.

Ako’y inibig niya, kung minsan siya’y inibig ko rin.
Paanong hindi iibigin ang mga mata niyang malamlam?

Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalulungkot na tula ngayong gabi.
Isipin lang: Hindi ko siya kapiling.
Nawala siya sa akin.

Dinggin ang gabing malawak,
mas malawak pagkat wala siya.
At ang tula’y pumapatak sa diwa,
parang hamog sa parang.

Ano ngayon kung di siya mapangalagaan ng aking pag-ibig?
Ang gabi’y mabituin, at siya’y hindi ko kapiling.
Iyon lamang.
Sa malayo, may umaawit.
Sa malayo.
Diwa ko’y hindi mapalagay sa kanyang pagkawala.
Anyong lalapit ang paningin kong naghahanap sa kanya.
Puso’y naghahanap sa kanya, at siya’y hindi kapiling.
Ito ang dating gabing nagpaputi sa mga dating punongkahoy.
Tayo, na nagmula sa panahong iyon, ay di na tulad ng dati.

Hindi ko na siya iniibig, oo, pero inibig ko siyang lubos.
Tinig ko’y humalik sa hangin para dumampi sa kanyang pandinig.

Sa iba. Siya’y sa iba na.
Tulad ng mga dati kong halik.
Tinig, maningning na katawan.
Mga matang walang-hanggan.

Hindi ko na siya iniibig, oo, pero baka iniibig ko siya.
Napakaikli ng pag-ibig, at napakabata ng paglimot.

Pagkat sa mga gabing tulad nito’y yakap ko siyang mahigpit,
diwa ko’y di mapalagay sa kanyang pagkawala.

Ito marahil ang huling hapding ipadarama niya sa akin,
at ito na marahil ang huling tulang iaalay ko sa kanya.



“Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines” ni Pablo Neruda
sinalin sa Filipino ni Jose Lacaba.
this is one of my favorite translations
it is not of my purpose to plagiarize
i just thought
this piece is too beautiful
and people have to read it
Dec 2016 · 323
Tell me
prāz Dec 2016
Tell me
How would I love a guy who doesn't love himself
Tell me
How would he love me, after everything else

Tell me
Why would I settle with a guy who gives me troubles than peace
Sometimes- always I ask,
How did she last on you?
Is it her patience?
Am I too impatient?
But the truth I fear to face
Is it because it's you and it's her?

Is it because it's me and not her?

Tell me, from the very first moment you laid eyes on me
Was it her?
Was it her you saw in me
That all these time you played blind and I played dumb

Dumb to the thought of being played
Like a puppet in this hilarious comedy show
Comedy to you
Tragedy to me

Dumb to the thought of me playing on the other side of the board
Thinking player two, that this was a game of push and pull
Little did this dumb head know
That this was only a game of push and push

Push and push
And I never had a move
Because it was just you all along
A one sided, player one game of hearts

You pushed and pushed me between your beautiful gifted fingers
You pushed and rocked this dumb head
Making me think that this dizziness was happiness
That the hurt can only hurt so good

That no worries, it's just a game of fun , my dear
My dear little fluffy bird
Fluffy, adorable..
Isn't that how you open your sentence then come along the lies?

Isn't that how you called me- fooled me
Making me feel like this tiny creature
Adorable as ****, you little fluffy thing~
That all along I thought was cute

Cute in size, yes
So you could fiddle
Toss and twitch and wrench
The remaining pieces of me

Pieces of me that I entrusted to you
To your beautiful gifted hands
The same hands that played the my heart
The same heart that never learned.
© rekenerer
vol | and that's how i killed batman

[ due for revision ]
// uncensored, unrevised, raw and straight from the guts
/// spoken poetry prospect.
Dec 2016 · 7.0k
Heto
prāz Dec 2016
Heto,
At may aalis na naman sa ating dalawa
May maiiwan na namang mag-isa
Mag-isa na pagod at wala
wala sa isip, wala sa sarili
Sarili na dinala mo sa iyong pag-alis
sarili na dapat ipinagtira
Sana nagtira kahit papaano
pero naibigay na lahat sa'yo
Buong puso at tanga sapagkat buo
Sapagkat nagmahal
minahal ka- ng totoo.

Heto,
Buong-buo parin, ang hinanagpis
hindi ako
Totoong-totoo parin, ang realidad
Na kailan ma'y hindi
hindi ako ang pinili mo.

Heto,
Ngayon wala
walang-wala simula nung dinala mo
ang lahat na kung ano mang meron ako
meron ako na wala
Noong hiningi ko pabalik
sabi mo wala
wala na
Wala na meron
Dahil naubos mo na sa pagsalba sa sarili
Kinamkam
Sakim
Gago.

Heto,
Ito nalang ang natira
Isang pusong bumabawi, nagpapalakas
Bago
Na kung sakaling sa pagbalik mo
Iba
Hindi na kita kailangan para buohin ako.
At ikaw naman
Ang maghahanap sa mga piraso ng puso monh
ginamit ko para tahi-tahiin ang sarili kong winasak mo

Heto pa, oh
sayo na yan
sayo na lahat
Kahit anong yaman
kaluluwa mo'y dukha
Bagay sayo mga tira-tira.
© rekenerer
vol | wika ng mga luhang sinayang ko

[ due for revision ]
// a spoken poetry prospect .
Dec 2016 · 296
Weathering
prāz Dec 2016
The rain was never so deafening. It always has been a melody to my ears. Its soothing cadence adorning the downpour. As every drop hits a note as all fall and sing a song.
     But that afternoon was different. Each raindrop touched earth like a fallen angel, crashing.  Plunging just too hard it brought no anthem but virulent clangor.
     To my dismay, there was not a song anymore, but screams of grief.
     Just too violent, it fell. Carving through land like how you carved the memory of you on me. And splashed into bits and gone like it was never there. But the remains of the earth never lie. Like the dark smears below my eyes.

    The land, my love, eroded,
    the rain left.
    My heart, my love, broken,
    Then you left.
© rekenerer
vol | when the night said no
Dec 2016 · 377
The curse of the arthead
prāz Dec 2016
The thing is
    I always fall in love
       with the wrong people.
So if I ever did,
    It's a wrong one.
       or perhaps,
I was beguiled.
And I never did.

Either way is pure chaos.
    You see,
      Wrong begets wrong.
If I met the right one,
I'll never even know.
© rekenerer
vol | triple third
prāz Dec 2016
No. 1

Never tell him your favorite band. Because when it's all over, the songs will only haunt you like those bitter memories you once thought were beautiful.
© rekenerer
vol | too toxic for your feelings

— The End —