crisp.
surrounded by the flames
that reflect my loneliness
wrap me in this hot blanket
of sadness and emptiness.
the constant ringing of nothingness
tears my ears apart.
the shell of my body remains
but slowly is torn apart
by the knifes of suffrage.
i can feel the singe
of self love disintegrate.
through this torture and evil,
i still feel nothing.
this has to stop,
but why hasn’t it?
I’ve been stuck in this
off and on place
of numbness.

“Are you okay?”
a realization,
the things constantly replaying
in my sad mind
reaching to the bottom of my heart
to find the two words
that retrieve my loneliness,
“i’m fine.”

i want to take back mistakes.
i want to try it differently but in fact there’s no way to correct what has happened.
you can’t take back what you said
i can’t take back my reaction
i can’t take back that relationship.
you can’t go back and not break me
you can’t go back and not hurt me
i can’t take back a small sentence
even though you’ve hit me with a thousand words.
but i still would brush them off
take ten seconds
take two steps back
and carry on.
but in fact i probably would do the same thing
if given the impossible opportunity to
i would continue to let you know that you are no longer allowed to hurt me.
i do not consent to your pain
i do not consent to that friendship
i do not consent to you hurting me
i do not consent to the way you act.
but you can ignore that
because I built up walls
and put fences around them
but you built a plane and flew over.
and that terrifies me.

the sky is a gray-yellow
and the thunder fills my empty mind as
the storm surrounds my room.
the rain pitters and patters on the roof,
i watch as water runs down my window.
my favorite songs playing and
filling my room with my favorite shade of happy.
my whole room is reflecting a yellow shade along the walls.
my pillows are puffy and warm and my blankets are surrounding me.
yes, i am alone, yes, company is fine,
but how can you learn to be alone with company always around.
i am happy even if i’m alone.
i’m still living and thriving
putting myself back together
but still happy.

AWAKEN.
This thing you call love,
Is not love!
This is pain
This is unhealthy
This is abusive

GET OUT.
You do not need them
You are smart
You have been blinded
By what your heart replaced
in your brain

BREATHE.
Your troubles have died down
New days are coming
New ground is below your feet
Time can stop rushing you
You can stop

DO NOT FORGET.
You are not fragile
Do not let them treat you
as if you are breakable
You know better
Do not let your heart fool you.

LOVE AGAIN.
Find real love
And filter out unhappiness
Stay true to who you are
Do not let negative influences
In your life.

Live again
to love again.

memories
feelings
tears
smiles.

after tomorrow, they'll be gone for a while.
as summer returns
and my main focus is not to learn,
i'll be alone and older by each day.
don't worry, we'll talk, they say,
but summer returns
and my loneliness yearns
for someone to talk to
but I don't want to bother you.
until august comes back
and my head goes whack,
will you speak to me,
you're not a real friend, can't you see?
I'm sorry that we didn't talk
and I feel as if I hit bedrock,
you'll act nice
and i'll think twice
about letting you back into my life
when it's filled with strife.
but i'll fail and become sad
then i'll drive you mad
until you leave
and i'll greave
until august returns.