have you ever felt the air move
in a way
that touched your soul?
a small movement
outside of your window,
a sound dancing in the breeze
the rustle of the leaves in the trees

as you breathe in
it fills up your lungs
with memories
and melancholy

a yearn, an ache
for a life once lived

a past,
so special
and powerful
that the scent
the feeling
the sense of home
reverberates through your entire being

we search our whole lives
for meaning,
for the meaning

why are we here,
what are we meant for

did we ever think it was to be content?
to be happy...
in the body,
in the mind,
in the life,
in the person
that we are.

to be ourselves,
to the core

have you ever heard
a song,
or a phrase
that touched you
to the core?

that made you scared
that you are living
the wrong life.

because the words,
the melody,
the place it brought you to
felt so genuinely you
felt so perfect
felt so content
felt so happy
felt like a place you once were,
or have always wanted to be.

why do I stay up so late

where the monsters
of what could have
and what should have
linger

why do I stay up so late

crying over spilt milk
and conversations
buried in the past

why do I stay up so late

when I know
that you reside
in those early, wine-soaked
morning hours

why do I stay up so late

and fret
about the future,
while I’m in the present

why do I stay up so late

when,
just like cinderella,
the strike of midnight
should be my cue
to cut off all emotions
and enjoy a pumpkin ride back home

why do I stay up so late

when I know
that I miss you
and it hurts the most
when I’m alone at 2am

why do I stay up so late

when breakfast is just around the corner,
and decisions made at 7am
are much more manageable
to obtain

why do I stay up so late

when I know better

I was looking up at the night sky
and I saw your face dotted in the stars,
you winked at me then went away

and while I was walking the dog
I felt your arms around me
as the wind brushed against my skin

you were there
while I was driving the car
and that song came on,
you know the one I'm talking about

and when the sun broke through the clouds,
glistening and glowing
on the rain kissed tarmac
I could feel your smile

not a day goes by
where I feel alone
because I know you're always there
in the sky, in the wind, in the rain,
in my heart.

you may be gone, but your spirit lives on

when you miss someone
you start to miss those things
that you never noticed before

like the subtle way
they put their hand on your leg
while you're driving

or falling asleep
on their lap
while watching a movie

when you miss someone
you miss everything about them

you miss hearing
about their hopes and dreams,
finding out what makes them tick
and quiet nights
with barely any words at all

when you miss someone
you miss their scent,
their crooked smile
and their wayward hair

when you miss someone
life seems unfair

but when you miss someone
you know that moment
you see them next
will be the sweetest of all

maybe if I put my ear to a shell
I can hear the ocean calling my name,
calling me home

sometimes I imagine I hear
the waves hitting the shore
outside of my bedroom window

and I dream
of the next time we're together

the sand is warm
and I bury my feet in it.
I close my eyes
and turn my face to the sun.
I breathe in the salty ocean air,
I am content.

and I dream
of two kindred spirits
reuniting again

you crashed into me
like the waves hitting the shoreline,
strong and sure

once you became a part of my life,
it was as though I had never not known you

your smile,
your laugh,
your eyes
and your words,
they are captivating
and exciting
and so special to me

i wish that you were here beside me,
because there's so much that i want to tell you,
so much that you need to hear

you scare me,
you electrify me,
you own every thought running through my mind

and like an addict
i don't want to stop
thinking about you
or feeling this way

and like an addict
i'm denying everything

but i know
--
i want to be the ocean to your shoreline,
gently kissing you to sleep,
tumbling head over heels into you
and waking up beside you
for the rest of my life

sometimes i feel hollow
like i don't have
bones
or blood
or organs
or anything inside

all that i am is a hollow human being

where dread and panic and anxiety
can easily ricochet around,
making me ache from the inside out

it starts with a pang,
where my heart is supposed to be.
and then spreads like wildfire
across my skin,
through my chest,
along my arms
and down my legs.
into the tips of my fingers and toes,
burning my ears
and catching in my throat.
and all that's inside of me is this hurt.

sometimes i feel hollow,
like a lonely, old oak tree
that's been zapped by lightning
one too many times.
he still stands, strong and proud
but electricity tingles
and makes him feel vulnerable
every now and then.

sometimes i feel hollow
and broken up inside

sometimes i feel hollow
like i can hear an echo when i talk,
my words just bounce around
with no purpose or drive

sometimes i feel hollow
like a needle could make me burst

sometimes i feel hollow
like all i am is an empty shell

*sometimes i feel hollow