What happens when you grow old?

Do you suddenly realize that you’re closer to dying than is comfortable?
Or do you see the end of your life as gratifying and inevitable?
When your child no longer needs your care, do you feel relief?
Or do think that obligation will always be present, underneath?
When you no longer need to cook for your family, or your mate;
Do you long for the days where everyone sat at the table to wait?
As you made a grand entrance with a turkey for the holiday;
You were the one everyone bragged about at work the next day.
When the time comes that you’re old enough to retire;
Does that make you happy,or, do you ponder all that you did not acquire?
Is there a certain age that all of a sudden you think time is short?
That you need to make plans for that final trip to the morgue?
Do you acknowledge and believe that you are no longer young?
And everything you are supposed to struggle with is done?
I hope that I go through my golden years with some grace.
That I recall having memories of living a life I embrace.
Because in the end isn’t that what it’s all about;
Not the things you acquired, but, the people you can’t live without.

Randy McPeek

Farewell to a friend

A friend of mine told me she was moving to New Mexico.
I told her I was happy, and, I secretly envied the fact that she could go.
I went to buy her a gift, along with a card to wish her luck.
Then I sat in my car realizing that a part of my life would disrupt.
The tears started to fall, as I thought of the times we spent together.
My friend was leaving, and she never judged me. Her words of wisdom would always be treasured.
Caught by surprise at my show of emotion, I signed her card and tucked it away.
Hoping that she would understand what I had written, and, tried my best to convey.
The realization that nothing is permanent, everything changes somehow.
Makes me both grateful, and sad, because of what life doesn’t always allow.
People we get to know, and to trust; well they too have a path they must follow.
Knowing you need to let go, and wish them the best, is a bitter pill we all have to swallow.
I hope that she knows that, because I knew her, I will always know this;
God made a diamond, and she shines more brightly than many I’ve known to exist.

Randy McPeek

The woman I see
I look in the mirror at my reflection, and gaze at the woman looking back.
She has been through so much in her short life, and yet her soul is still intact.
She has known love vast as an ocean, and thought her heart would burst from the joy.
As well as the pain from losing that love, so deep she felt her life was destroyed.
She has seen beauty so vivid and golden that all she could do was stare back in awe.
Along with the ugliness she’d rather forget; it made her curl up in a ball and withdraw.
She’s laughed so hard that her stomach hurt, and it took hours to cease.
Then cried tears that left her heartbroken, and numb, from feeling the bottomless grief.
At times she’s been brave, and overcome doubt, to be stronger than she once was.
That very next breath been afraid to do something, and make an error she couldn’t whitewash.
She’s become quite a woman from living her life, and, she has gained so much intelligence.
Yet she’s also been a fool, and brutally reminded, she still has immense incompetence.
The woman I see looking back from the mirror is true deep down to her soul.
I applaude her and believe that, no matter what happens, she is still more precious than gold.

Randy McPeek

If I could write myself a letter, this is what I’d say…                      
Dear me,
Don’t blame yourself for what happened, it was not your fault.
You were a warm and caring person, to catch you wasn’t difficult.
He acted like he cared for you, that his love was real.
He was a man who didn’t exist; his true self well concealed.
You wanted to believe the lies, and, I know how badly you are hurt.
I’m here with you, it will be okay, but you’ll have to do some work.
Become stronger than the person you once were, I have faith you can.
Take the time to love yourself, it’s important you understand.
It was not because you weren’t good enough, that he left without a word.
He was the one who wasn’t enough. He is broken, his mind; disturbed.
This was a tough lesson to learn, this man never loved you.
You have the strength to grow and learn, to remember your value.
Be gentle and forgive yourself, you were only seeking love.
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, or a bird that becomes a dove.
Your heart will become whole again, and one day soon you’ll see
That all along the one who loved you most, and always will, was me.

Randy McPeek.

Getting the lesson

I think my heart is beginning to heal, I’m doing all that I can.
Writing and looking inside myself, realizing I might never understand.
Some people are meant to teach us lesson, however painful it may be.
It’s a part of life that happens when something is missing we fail to see.

Like a clock that isn’t working quite right,running too slow,or too fast.
Someone you think is sticking around suddenly becomes a part of your past.
Your head is spinning; your heart is left wounded, and still you have to go on.
The clock in your life just needed adjusting, with you there isn’t anything wrong.

My heart will keep beating; my mind will recover, even though it feels like a lie.
I believe and I know time heals all wounds,even though all I do is cry.
If I get some meaning, or value, I know I will walk away stronger.
The beliefs that I had, and things I held close, are standards I now have to ponder.
They say if you don’t remember what you have learned, then you’ll have to repeat it.
I don’t care to repeat this mistake; it would be just like stepping in ****.

Randy McPeek