i want someone to cradle me
someone to bathe my body of myself
someone to run a warm washcloth over my hips and wash away the hurt.
to cluck soothingly.
or be silent.
to take my hands in theirs and guide them away from me.

bend over me in the bath
i am helpless
a child in a woman's body
scrub my back.
get a mug from the kitchen and use it to pour the water over my head like some sort of baptism.
i dont care if the shampoo gets in my eyes
I'll keep them shut.
It will sting like going back in time

once your arms tire of dipping, filling, and pouring again and again,
give me your hand and i will get out.

I'll hold the towel close.
hugging it around my arms like some sort of bat when it sleeps
only im not really upside down

the water will drip from my hair onto the tile.

I will shiver and it will be welcome.

I'm thinking of Iowa and you and time
im thinking of long car rides and your hands
I'm thinking of the condensation on the windows of your taurus

what if its dying is symbolic of our love?
What if I don't love you as much as you do?
why have i almost cried so many times today

this month has gone by so quickly I haven't had time to breathe
I know you but i cant tell if you know me

why am i not perfectly happy?

My feelings had wheels that day.
they slid and fell and whizzed past
I tried keeping up with them
I laced my skates tight to hold my own

I cleared my head in crowds,
tossing myself forward so I could be on the same
track
And I still need more practice
I never caught up with them.

But you couldn't skate.
You were a baby giraffe and I felt unfair
You let me grab your hand.
And around we stumbled.
I told myself that if you fell it would be over
between us.
But I smiled as we rounded each corner
I smiled when I looked and saw our hands together.
I smiled when I knew you were right there
And I smiled when I held you up.
Held you steady.
I felt like an oak tree.

I didn't talk enough.
But you sure enough didn't fall on my watch.

maybe I wish you had.

There's this boy...

(How to start every bad poem ever)

He has curly brown hair that frizzes and
stays in perfect little curls.
He is funny

The muscles in his back make perfect sense.
When he reaches up to pull the curtain I want him to be pulling the drapes in my livingroom.
Cutting us off from any interruption.

i wonder what he thinks about me

maybe i am just really vulnerable right now
but I think i have a crush again

When I rest my warm hands pinkie to pinkie with his,
he doesn't move away.
I moved past, my cheek brushed his shirtsleeve and i liked the feeling.

He's pretty. I am also pretty. I wanna make out with him.

i kissed a girl accidentally the other day
i flustered myself.
We were joking, walking
towards each other;
Chicken with a kiss
i had thought of it before.
i think i wanted to see what it was like.
I think i liked her a little in that moment.
i really just don't know

even when i love myself
it doesnt change anything.
And it is too much work.
Who knows? maybe the hate will be beneficial