I can’t do this
Tell myself that I'm over you
Tell everyone else the same
I don’t understand why

You like her
“Tell me the truth,” I say
Tell me you do
You wanted her all along

She is my best friend
Tell her that it’s fine
Tell her to go for it
She won't tell the truth

Both of you lie to me
Tell me what’s going on
Tell me anything at all
Both of you remain quiet

They all know
Tell them everything, do you?
Tell everyone but me
They have to be wrong

Both of you want this
Tell you to go for it
Tell you that I don’t care
Both of you, I lie to

She is all I have
Tell her that I’m okay
Tell her that I understand
She doesn’t know a thing

You used me for her
Tell me that I’m “your friend”
Tell her you want her
You are my biggest problem

I can’t keep up with myself
Tell you both I’m happy for you
Tell everyone I’m fine
I don’t want to lie anymore

You lying *****.
Trusted, cannot believe I did.
Right out, I asked you.
“Is it her?”
“Is she the one you’re aching for?”
Lied, right to my face.
Said, “No, never.”
It was a lie.
“Sorry” is what you say now
Does that really mean anything?
Hurt, I am.
Never tell you, I will.
“I'm so sorry,” you say.
Well, “sorry” won't cut it.
Not this time.
I’ve let too many people hurt me.
Not today.
Stand my ground, I will.
“You can never tell her any of this.”
Trusting me, now are you?
Begging, pleading.
The ball is in my court now *****.
Ruin your life, I could.
Leave you alone to rot, maybe.
Though, will I?
You know me better than most.
Possible, is it?
Never, because I cannot lie to you.
Me be that person, impossible.
Not to you, never to you.
Hurt me, you can.
Hurt you, I could never.

How could you? I trusted you will all I had.
I put my heart in your hands and you neither crushed it nor accepted it.
I cannot hate you, but I cannot love you either.
My heart belongs to you and yours to her.
I gave myself to you, the idea of you that is.

My hope held out until my suspicions became truth.
I asked you about my doubts and you lied right to my face.
I'm not sure that I can even look at you anymore.
And yet, I cannot hate you .
I have all the reason and more to hate you, and yet I cannot.

On the other side of things, I cannot love you.
Love is a word we assign to feelings we cannot describe.
Just like you; you are indescribable.
You hold me in your being, your essence.
I cannot hate you and yet love is out of reach.

Silence it fills me, consumes me.

I don’t know how or why but I’ve gone from being utterly stumped to unchamisly inspired
before i had things to write about
before i needed to write
i sat at this very same keyboard and threw my heart upon it only to be rewarded with 2 short paragraphs
words of which i can neither feel nor believe in
when i needed to pour my soul into a song or verse i could not
but now in times of strange calmness
just as i had accepted my horrible self and its ways
here i am completely inspired
throwing my words into a verse of which not many will read or understand
my only hope is that i can look back upon these strange lines and know that within them is me
all that i am now is a pile of vowels and consonants that jumble together to create either a masterpiece or disaster
maybe i am a cliche
maybe all that these words are is boredom
a question that i have is is boredom really boredom at all?
do you ever realize your boredom in the loud noise of life?
the simple answer is no
boredom is like loneliness where as it is only recognized in the silence
silence brings all to the surface and even now it helps me to write
maybe the reason i could not write before was because my life was so loud that i couldn’t hear myself screaming from the inside
that screaming is now words upon this page
that silence, it still consumes me but, it also inspires me

out there I see a red world
but in here all there is is a faint white glow
the glow is small
it's found to be very few
among a world of giant flashing red lights
lights that black out all the beauty within
the red lights channel anger
my anger inside
the faint white glow gives hope
hope to all those lost
in the world of red

I like you, its no more than that
Its not like Im obsessed
Ive just fallen in like
Like of you and everything you do

Here I am again
Just a friend
I don’t know how to escape my mind
Im going deaf
From the thoughts of you
In my head

I wont escape
I cant escape
Ill never escape

Ill wait here for you
until the sky isn’t blue
until I fade from you
until my eyes confuse
everyone else from you
Ill be here til' the end
or atleast until I change my mind again

I don’t think its too much to ask
if you’ll raise your glass
to us
all of us
in the zone
filled with “just friends" and our bones
to pick
with them
the ones who threw us in here
til’ the end

Down the rabbit hole I went
With the curiosity of a cat
I followed you
When you saw me you ran
Ran so fast it took me a long time to catch up
Along the way I met many people
Most of them crazy
But some of them kind
They helped me get to you
So now all is fine
You then led me astray
Left me to the judgement of a queen
And I’m not sure how I’ll plead
But only time can tell if I’ll flee

Im so far down the rabbit hole
I don’t know what to do
I came here after you
I don’t know how to leave
Maybe one day I’ll get out
But for now I’ll stay
In here and locked away

The feelings changed
From curiosity of you
To ever lasting pain causing a great strife
My heart hurts along with my head
I made bad choices in my head
If I wasn’t so curious in the first place
I wouldn’t be stuck here down in the rabbit hole