I trusted you
Wholly and genuinely
I told you things about myself
That I couldn't bring myself to
tell others,
and you tore me apart
from the inside out
manipulation and betrayal
don't have the connotations
to how badly you've hurt me
I love you and I love you and I thought you did too
but actions speak louder than words,
and I don't know if I can forgive yours
and maybe that's why I can't
run away from the taste of blood in my mouth
and the blood in my hair and the blood in my favorite sweater
there was so much blood,
and you weren't there

THE PILLS THEY GAVE ME AREN'T MAKING YOU GO AWAY TONIGHT, YOU'RE STILL HERE AND AT TIMES I WONDER IF I ONLY PUT YOU AWAY TO TAKE YOU BACK OUT ON NIGHTS LIKE THESE, I'M SO ******* IN LOVE WITH YOU IT HURTS MY CHEST, EVERYTHING'S BLURRY AND I MISS YOU AND I CAN'T FEEL MY INSIDES, IS THIS WHAT FALLING OUT OF LOVE FEELS LIKE, SOMETIMES I THINK OUR FIRST LOVE STAYS WITH US FOREVER AND WE'RE JUST SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE TO FULFILL THAT SPACE BUT WE'LL NEVER FIND THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST, I FEEL LIKE JUST YESTERDAY I LOST YOU, I LOVED YOU TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY

living with the "your daughter is severely depressed"
means that you need medicine to function
it's not just a cry for attention
it means you have to search and search for a reason to get out of bed in the morning
you think its over, but then it comes back next winter
you think you're fine, something will hit you, and you can't leave bed for days
im sorry i can't help it, mom

The sunlight through the
Window catches the glimmer
Of hope in your eyes.

each buzz,
siren,
honk of the horn
reminds me of him

every person i see walking down the streets

all of the trees in central park

the lone light on in an apartment building

it all reminds me of him

i could be 5000 miles away and i still wouldn't be able to escape him

for him
thank you:

for rubbing my back so i fall asleep
for moments when you make me laugh instead of make me cry
for loving me when i don't love myself
for kissing my forehead
for reminding me that there still are good people in the world
for caring about me
for calling me when its midnight and i can't stop crying
for telling me i'm beautiful
for days like today
for keeping my hands warm when it's cold outside
for keeping me safe
for laughing at my jokes
for letting me tickle you
for teaching me how to love again