Its been a long time
We haven't seen each other
you and me
the one inside that fills my soul
the one who only knows my role
you are I and I am you
striving thinking and praying
what should we do

you're married now,
who knew
that that man in the mirror was looking at you
you combed his hair
you let him near
you listened to his goals and his fears
all in all keeping a distance to keep him near
you married him and thats all you know
how to love is a great mystery
and we know thats why we are here
to learn
to be taught
to feed our souls for that one thought
of what to do
being loved, by me to you
I said who knew
you
thats who.

A hard time I lay in bed I stare at the ceiling thinking its white and beautiful as my eyes fog with tears they stream down the sides of my face I recognize the ceiling isn't perfect it has cracks in it little circles of craters throughout but for that moment of hope I felt in my soul it looked beautifully clear and white. The sunshine shines in at 12:30pm I lay in question about what to do or why to do. I stroke my wrists in need for a feeling. Of something because I'm numb. My defenses are up physically but emotionally I'm drained heavily. I strike my nails deep into my skin and it's not enough. I can't feel anything. I dug deeper to feel something. What's in here. Nothing. Do I have anything to offer anyone in this world? There's nothing here. Burns up and down strikes that are sore from slashes of self disbelief. I feel after. The burning. The whip. It's a slap feeling. It's not enough but I love some and want to stay. For those children.

Why do i hate everyone today

If in fact you were to say
You couldn't live with the pain another day
I might believe you
Knowing we are the same
But will you lose yourself again
Will you subdue yourself to your parents
To a fixed religion
You might
So the answer I'm not sure
As you are unsure of your feelings you had for me
Love doesn't reside in you for me
It may had
But god my God do I miss you
All the running around laughing
Smiles in the sunshine
Where did it go
You stopped loving me for something you didn't know
Something that interests you
Like death
You were interested in the thought of what lies ahead more so than what we had
So you became obsessed
Obsessed with something you don't understand
Death
Well I do
Understand
Death will Happen for it has to me
Different kinds
Then you may know what now is worth
To not obsess over thoughts all day
To not believe in throwing all the money you make away
On some thought of what happens to you one day
It's selfish
Of you and of them
Amount yourself from a dark place
Of terror and belief in something that's only negative you see
God I lost you
It's hard to believe
I lost my favorite thing
I started to resent you
I started to wonder why wasn't I included
You saw that
You felt my resentment
Because your culture is a cult. All of them
We are different
And I loved you so so much
More than the words could say
And I'm still sad
Keep wishing things will go back to what they were
Why would you spend your life in sadness
In dishonor to yourself
To your soul
You have and only are harming yourself
Even if it's not us
Let your soul set you free
Be whoever you want to be
And please
Please be happy

You could say i was weak for telling the truth,
Or naive for letting myself love you.
You could say i was silly to not play it cool,
Or completely pathetic for admitting my weakness was you.

But in the age where being heartless is romanticised,
I wont let my vulnerable honesty be capsized.
For it is exactly what this world needs,
Understanding that unrequited love doesnt have to bring you to your knees.

Don't become calculated like the ones who hurt you before,
For in love it will never last if you have to keep score.
Dont let heartbreak rob you of your openness,  
Here lies youre upmost innocence.