Every night is a nightmare with demons and monsters
Invading every inch of my body
But every 'day' is a gift.

He will stay here, and he will taunt me and he will hurt me.  
And it is as scary and as painful now as it was then...
But I will deal with it.

Even if it means remaining frozen in this chair until the sun comes up.
I will not "reach" out - or "ask" anyone for anything!!!
Ever!

I hope you can understand that these are my limits and boundaries.

I will not ask for "love" or "support" ~ in the face of expected abandonment...I will make the choice to 'deal with it" now - alone!
I will just sit here - frozen in this hell - until the sun comes up.

But tomorrow morning, when the sun does break in the East
I will once again put on the mask and walk on sunshine.
And I will hide behind that mask because it's safe.  
Because I understand that no one will ever accept the Nita behind the mask.  

That's okay - it's all ok....Every day is a gift....

Every night is a total nightmare complete with demons and monsters invading every orifice of me...

But every day - every day is a gift.

I was designed more for public than for private, you know.

I am living the American Dream....

Every single day is a gift.