Today, on my birthday

My dad texts me
Something loving
About the day I was born
And I think to myself
I never really considered that
As an actual experience of his
Until I was on mushrooms
Watching a movie
A couple weeks ago
I wonder what that was like
He must really love me

I have KFC buffet lunch
With my friend's family
They have more casual
Conversation than mine
More fun, more enjoyable
I don't really know
What to do about that
But it makes me sad
And I like this family
Even though it's not perfect

I say goodbye to my friend
He's my brother
We have the same birthday
Being around his kids was nice
Though it was just a few minutes
They are carefree
Even though there's **** in their lives
He gives me a good hug
Something I've missed
And will miss again
I wish we lived in the same city

I get on a plane
I hope to sit next to the perfect girl
It wouldn't matter anyway
Since I'm too angry and hurt
I'm seated next to a guy
With slightly bad breath
I put on some music
And work on a poem
**** it all
I'm not ready, am I

I wonder who she will be
If she's anyone at all
I'm severely pessimistic
At 30 years old
About finding that connection
About healing to where I'm ready
It's not like I have forever
A late bloomer in life
Except for that marriage thing
That didn't work out

On my birthday
Am I supposed to think
About this kind of stuff?
Everyone would say no
But maybe
There's no better time
Why do birthdays have to be happy anyway?
It might not be the happiest
But I'm making it one to remember