I have never felt ANY physical pain that even comes close to the overwhelming **** that is inside of me. Nothing compares! And every night I wonder what it would feel like to feel safe. Safe! What does that even mean? I wonder what it would feel like to get up in the morning and to FEEL alive and not have to pretend to be alive. I feel defeated and afraid. And my body plays this cruel joke of breathing living ~ when nothing else inside of me sees a reason too. And if there is no little girl there is no pain. That's what I need right now. That’s what I want right now She is way too much! She is evil and poisonous. And the only way to make it stop is for her to go away – no matter what that takes no matter what the consequences. She will never know what it’s like to live without the feelings of fear. She will never feel safe.