I pushed you away because of what you did to me.
It wasn't your personal acts that ****** me of,
it was what the voices in my head would say whenever you were around.
A darker version of me erupted like lava in a volcano, intruding it's way out.
It took everything within me to keep it down whenever you were around.
You were always high and it did nefarious things to you and the people around.
It ruined your life, as it did mine.
Lethal weapons in a battle of your own.

So for four months I stayed away, remaining to myself. Keeping the wounds at a distance for as long as I could. I painted. I drew sketches. I wrote three chapters to my novel. I watched an animated movie that actually made me laugh.
I was stitching myself back together.

Then one night you came to me with promises in your words and wonders with your eyes. For a while there, I thought I saw hope.  Like stars in a cloudless sky.

You said you changed, but I knew that was a lie- you can only grow. You said that you haven't smoked- that you felt better and loved life just a little more.
I didn't want to believe that you were full of it- your ambition was floating in the air like pixie dust on a chilly summers night.

But of course you did.
You lied.
Just like before I left you and just like now.
You still speak to me as if I'm lower than you and you continue to paint cracked black paint on your face whenever you feel the slightest bit upset.
I try to help you, you push me away.

You broke your promises. You lie through your teeth. Its a been a long time since anything was actually good.

Looking back at it now, I pushed you away because of what you did to me.
It was the voices in my head.
The ones you put there.