When I was a girl I loved cars and Kim Possible And green rocks I’d find in the pebble fillings of our school playgrounds, Because they were rare and therefore special. I read twenty books on gemstones and minerals and stared at the pictures for hours Hoping one day I could be beautiful and solid and reflect the colours You can’t see If you burn your retinas looking directly at the sun.
When I was a girl I became a driveway because I thought If I paved myself with tarmac or cement I’d be hard enough to withstand the weight of everyone around my heart And grounded enough to support myself, But the construction workers forgot to check for groundwater And I caved in when people decided To unapologetically and unquestioningly park their ***** in the handicap spot, Mistaking the importance of my handicaps for the importance of their egos.
When I was a girl I became an asteroid, Seeking a gravitational pull around a star that would give me a name and meaning. But instead I found a black hole, And before I realised my mistake in universal direction Her gravity obliterated me And absorbed whatever the **** was left Of the force I could have been.
When I was a person I became a tree, Rooted to the earth rather than separate And absorbing the light for sustenance. I’ve forgotten what it means to be hardened, But even my cells have walls around them And now I’m as afraid of the ground as I am of the sky And brave enough to reach into both And just maybe find some answers in the crust or clouds.