Relationship are rough, sailin’ the ever changin’ tides of emotion. They don’t come ‘bout easy, they require a lot of hard work! Some days be jolly! But sometime things don’t go yer way. Some days there’s a change in the wind, a change in the current, that goes against the riggins’ o’ yer ship an’ ye struggle, but that doesn’t mean yer ship is sinkin’! Don’t walk the plank now, just ‘cause the imminent Kraken of breakup and doubt is in hot pursuit o’ yer vessel! Like Dido, ye won’t be goin’ down with this ship, there’ll be no white flag! Are ye really going to let some bombastic baboons pillage yer lass? No yer not! Yer goin’ to drop yer anchor an' battle for that nigh uncatchable ship. But if ye be captured, a faith worse than Davy Jones' Locker, an' they say ‘walk the plank’ then you’ll walk that plank, but ye’ll cross the seven seas to meet them again! Storms they pass, with lil' damage, if ye just brace and stick it out 'Cos for the right ship, ye do anythin'
This is an extract from a short play about retired pirates that own a cash for gold shop written by myself and my friend Roisin. Here, Alf, a pirate, is giving relationship advice to a sad and broken hearted Customer.