It’s 8am, I’ve slept for about three hours and I’m awake for absolutely no reason, my heart is heavy.

It’s 10am, I fell back to sleep an hour ago and I just woke up. I’m checking my phone in hopes of something special but there’s nothing there.

It’s 11am, I’m getting in the shower and getting ready to go do something before I have to go to work.

It’s 1pm and I’m out venturing with a friend, pretending to enjoy myself but they can tell that I’m not feeling my best. I’m fine.

4pm rolls around and I’m going to work a ****** job with a bunch of people I can hardly stand. The only thing getting me through the night is hope that I’ll check my phone and get something from you.

8pm nothing.

10pm I’m off work now, that wasn’t terrible I guess.

11pm I change out of my work clothes, get comfortable and pour myself a drink a little stronger than usual.

12am still nothing.

1am I’m on my third or fourth drink and I’m feeling kind of drunk right now. Thinking of calling you but psyching myself out. I don’t want to come off as needy.

1:30am My drinks are getting stronger and my self control is getting weaker. I break down.

2:30am I can’t even walk straight anymore, I should probably slow down.

3am I’m not feeling very well now but I don’t want to waste this drink.

4am I’m throwing up and crying and there’s nobody here to help me. All I can think about is how I want your attention.

5am I’m curled up in bed, makeup smeared, I’m anxious and exhausted. I send you a text apologizing for being me and I fall asleep.

It’s 8am, I’ve slept for about three hours and I’m awake for absolutely no reason, my heart is heavy. Still nothing.